Chapter 186
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"I don't mind sitting here and pretending not to exist," she offered. "It is not like the two of you are paying me any attention, anyway," she grumbled but got up. Her gun was still pointed at his head. "One wrong move," she warned. "You make one wrong move and I will blow your head to pieces, Murray, I promise you." With that, she moved away. She did not turn her back towards us.
She retreated slowly, reaching the door and closing it to give us a sense of privacy. You could hear everything from outside. The walls were thin.
"You are sick?"
"There is nothing wrong with me, I assure you. Contrary to everyone's belief, I am fine!" I let him know. "What is the meaning of all this? Why do you want to talk to me?"
"I had to explain myself!" he explained, incredulously. "I can't just let you think that I made up all my feelings and let you marry some half-wit that has so clue how to handle a woman like you-"
"Handle a woman like me?" I questioned, furious.
"Oh, don't pull that feminist card on me. You are a free spirit. You need to kill and be cunning to be happy. He wants to build a house with you and get you pregnant?" the humor was not lost on me. Jacob was definitely not the type to even think about these things. Hell, he hadn't even pressured me to marry him after two years of being engaged.
"And you would handle me differently?" he shook his head.
"I would not try at all. I enjoy your wild temperament. I am thrilled that I can die at your hands if I do something wrong or offend you," he laughed when he saw the are-you-insane look I was giving him. "We are passionate people, Mia, and sometimes it is difficult for us to discern right from wrong and we do things that we might regret. We have our own reasons for it, and we have our own set of morals. We shouldn't even care about right or wrong. We fight it out because we need it. We need to brainstorm and fight to assert our power: to reassure ourselves. We are compatible. So different and alike that no one can deny that we are the most fucked up people that are meant to be together."
"Is this supposed to be some sort of a revelation or proposal?" I asked, a bit flattered by his long speech on relationships.
"No. I was just stating a fact. I don't need to propose anything to you. I know you would never agree to anything that I had to offer."
"What would you propose if I did indeed listen to you?"
"To let me in," he said.
"To let you in," I echoed, disdain lacing my words. "And how do you propose I do that?" I demanded. I could see the small smile playing across his lips. He knew that my curiosity got the best of me. It was one of the many fatal flaws in my character.
"Open the floodgates and tell me everything you feel. Tell me how much you hate me, tell me that you love me, too. Tell me everything. Make me suffer."
"Why do you want to suffer?" I ask, flabbergasted.
"I love you, Mia."
"I may want to kill you at times, but I want you by my side, ruling beside me and telling the world to fuck off. I hate that you are suffering. It is my fault. I should have talked to you, but can't I be ignorant, can't I hope that you would understand that I was struggling every day?"
"What are you saying?"
"I thought you knew that I loved you. I thought you were stronger than that and that you would hold on until someone came to rescue you."
"And you surely thought wrong. I never knew that you loved me. You might have told me a thousand times, but I could never be sure. Now, more than ever, I know that I cannot trust you to betray in again. I will never forgive you, Anthony."
"Please."
"Leave before I hunt down my gun again," I threatened. How much more could a woman handle. He could love me, but I could never trust him. His reasons were flawed, and all I could think about was what other motive he could have to use me for. What did he need me to do this time? When would he dispose of me?
"Tell me what to do!" he shouted. "How do I fix this?" he pleaded.
"A life for a life," I whispered. "You left me for dead. You almost took my life away. You cannot fix this, Anthony. There are no pieces, just dust. This will go on until one of us loses our life. A life for a life... remember that. Maybe then, I will forgive you."
Frozen to the spot, he waited for my dismissal. I didn't have the heart to do it. I was too tired.
The door opened slowly. I understood that Daisy did not want to interrupt our conversation. I was sure that she had heard us screaming.
"Murray," I heard her say. "Please leave."
I saw him gulp and then nod. He turned away from me. He walked away slowly as if waiting for me to call him back. As he was about to leave, I took one last chance.
"Anthony?" I called. He turned, a shimmer of hope in his posture. "Never come back." I dashed it brutally. He flinched as he turned away and left.
I hoped that I would never see him again.
I didn't think that I would survive another encounter.
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"I don't mind sitting here and pretending not to exist," she offered. "It is not like the two of you are paying me any attention, anyway," she grumbled but got up. Her gun was still pointed at his head. "One wrong move," she warned. "You make one wrong move and I will blow your head to pieces, Murray, I promise you." With that, she moved away. She did not turn her back towards us.
She retreated slowly, reaching the door and closing it to give us a sense of privacy. You could hear everything from outside. The walls were thin.
"You are sick?"
"There is nothing wrong with me, I assure you. Contrary to everyone's belief, I am fine!" I let him know. "What is the meaning of all this? Why do you want to talk to me?"
"I had to explain myself!" he explained, incredulously. "I can't just let you think that I made up all my feelings and let you marry some half-wit that has so clue how to handle a woman like you-"
"Handle a woman like me?" I questioned, furious.
"Oh, don't pull that feminist card on me. You are a free spirit. You need to kill and be cunning to be happy. He wants to build a house with you and get you pregnant?" the humor was not lost on me. Jacob was definitely not the type to even think about these things. Hell, he hadn't even pressured me to marry him after two years of being engaged.
"And you would handle me differently?" he shook his head.
"I would not try at all. I enjoy your wild temperament. I am thrilled that I can die at your hands if I do something wrong or offend you," he laughed when he saw the are-you-insane look I was giving him. "We are passionate people, Mia, and sometimes it is difficult for us to discern right from wrong and we do things that we might regret. We have our own reasons for it, and we have our own set of morals. We shouldn't even care about right or wrong. We fight it out because we need it. We need to brainstorm and fight to assert our power: to reassure ourselves. We are compatible. So different and alike that no one can deny that we are the most fucked up people that are meant to be together."
"Is this supposed to be some sort of a revelation or proposal?" I asked, a bit flattered by his long speech on relationships.
"No. I was just stating a fact. I don't need to propose anything to you. I know you would never agree to anything that I had to offer."
"What would you propose if I did indeed listen to you?"
"To let me in," he said.
"To let you in," I echoed, disdain lacing my words. "And how do you propose I do that?" I demanded. I could see the small smile playing across his lips. He knew that my curiosity got the best of me. It was one of the many fatal flaws in my character.
"Open the floodgates and tell me everything you feel. Tell me how much you hate me, tell me that you love me, too. Tell me everything. Make me suffer."
"Why do you want to suffer?" I ask, flabbergasted.
"I love you, Mia."
"I may want to kill you at times, but I want you by my side, ruling beside me and telling the world to fuck off. I hate that you are suffering. It is my fault. I should have talked to you, but can't I be ignorant, can't I hope that you would understand that I was struggling every day?"
"What are you saying?"
"I thought you knew that I loved you. I thought you were stronger than that and that you would hold on until someone came to rescue you."
"And you surely thought wrong. I never knew that you loved me. You might have told me a thousand times, but I could never be sure. Now, more than ever, I know that I cannot trust you to betray in again. I will never forgive you, Anthony."
"Please."
"Leave before I hunt down my gun again," I threatened. How much more could a woman handle. He could love me, but I could never trust him. His reasons were flawed, and all I could think about was what other motive he could have to use me for. What did he need me to do this time? When would he dispose of me?
"Tell me what to do!" he shouted. "How do I fix this?" he pleaded.
"A life for a life," I whispered. "You left me for dead. You almost took my life away. You cannot fix this, Anthony. There are no pieces, just dust. This will go on until one of us loses our life. A life for a life... remember that. Maybe then, I will forgive you."
Frozen to the spot, he waited for my dismissal. I didn't have the heart to do it. I was too tired.
The door opened slowly. I understood that Daisy did not want to interrupt our conversation. I was sure that she had heard us screaming.
"Murray," I heard her say. "Please leave."
I saw him gulp and then nod. He turned away from me. He walked away slowly as if waiting for me to call him back. As he was about to leave, I took one last chance.
"Anthony?" I called. He turned, a shimmer of hope in his posture. "Never come back." I dashed it brutally. He flinched as he turned away and left.
I hoped that I would never see him again.
I didn't think that I would survive another encounter.
"I don't mind sitting here and pretending not to exist," she offered. "It is not like the two of you are paying me any attention, anyway," she grumbled but got up. Her gun was still pointed at his head. "One wrong move," she warned. "You make one wrong move and I will blow your head to pieces, Murray, I promise you." With that, she moved away. She did not turn her back towards us.She retreated slowly, reaching the door and closing it to give us a sense of privacy. You could hear everything from outside. The walls were thin."You are sick?""There is nothing wrong with me, I assure you. Contrary to everyone's belief, I am fine!" I let him know. "What is the meaning of all this? Why do you want to talk to me?""I had to explain myself!" he explained, incredulously. "I can't just let you think that I made up all my feelings and let you marry some half-wit that has so clue how to handle a woman like you-""Handle a woman like me?" I questioned, furious."Oh, don't pull that feminist card on me. You are a free spirit. You need to kill and be cunning to be happy. He wants to build a house with you and get you pregnant?" the humor was not lost on me. Jacob was definitely not the type to even think about these things. Hell, he hadn't even pressured me to marry him after two years of being engaged."And you would handle me differently?" he shook his head."I would not try at all. I enjoy your wild temperament. I am thrilled that I can die at your hands if I do something wrong or offend you," he laughed when he saw the are-you-insane look I was giving him. "We are passionate people, Mia, and sometimes it is difficult for us to discern right from wrong and we do things that we might regret. We have our own reasons for it, and we have our own set of morals. We shouldn't even care about right or wrong. We fight it out because we need it. We need to brainstorm and fight to assert our power: to reassure ourselves. We are compatible. So different and alike that no one can deny that we are the most fucked up people that are meant to be together.""Is this supposed to be some sort of a revelation or proposal?" I asked, a bit flattered by his long speech on relationships."No. I was just stating a fact. I don't need to propose anything to you. I know you would never agree to anything that I had to offer.""What would you propose if I did indeed listen to you?""To let me in," he said."To let you in," I echoed, disdain lacing my words. "And how do you propose I do that?" I demanded. I could see the small smile playing across his lips. He knew that my curiosity got the best of me. It was one of the many fatal flaws in my character."Open the floodgates and tell me everything you feel. Tell me how much you hate me, tell me that you love me, too. Tell me everything. Make me suffer.""Why do you want to suffer?" I ask, flabbergasted."I love you, Mia.""I may want to kill you at times, but I want you by my side, ruling beside me and telling the world to fuck off. I hate that you are suffering. It is my fault. I should have talked to you, but can't I be ignorant, can't I hope that you would understand that I was struggling every day?""What are you saying?""I thought you knew that I loved you. I thought you were stronger than that and that you would hold on until someone came to rescue you.""And you surely thought wrong. I never knew that you loved me. You might have told me a thousand times, but I could never be sure. Now, more than ever, I know that I cannot trust you to betray in again. I will never forgive you, Anthony.""Please.""Leave before I hunt down my gun again," I threatened. How much more could a woman handle. He could love me, but I could never trust him. His reasons were flawed, and all I could think about was what other motive he could have to use me for. What did he need me to do this time? When would he dispose of me?"Tell me what to do!" he shouted. "How do I fix this?" he pleaded."A life for a life," I whispered. "You left me for dead. You almost took my life away. You cannot fix this, Anthony. There are no pieces, just dust. This will go on until one of us loses our life. A life for a life... remember that. Maybe then, I will forgive you."Frozen to the spot, he waited for my dismissal. I didn't have the heart to do it. I was too tired.The door opened slowly. I understood that Daisy did not want to interrupt our conversation. I was sure that she had heard us screaming."Murray," I heard her say. "Please leave."I saw him gulp and then nod. He turned away from me. He walked away slowly as if waiting for me to call him back. As he was about to leave, I took one last chance."Anthony?" I called. He turned, a shimmer of hope in his posture. "Never come back." I dashed it brutally. He flinched as he turned away and left.I hoped that I would never see him again.I didn't think that I would survive another encounter.
