Chapter 237: 237
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"Prince Xiao Jun has returned." He said.
Xiao Jun's returned was something unexpected, there was no word or letter that he would come back now.
He should be preparing the upcoming war with Elder Dam by now right? But, what he was doing here now?
Seemingly, shocking news kept coming in this morning.
Bai Yuyan, who still on sat on the ground because of the impact of Qianru's shoe slapped, suddenly wailing pitifully while the others were still flabbergasted by the news that the guards had announced.
Even Liu Wei, who constantly exchanged letter with his Master because his Mistress was unwilling to write anything, didn't know about Xiao Jun's returned.
"What is he doing here?" Qianru mumbled, that was the first thought that crossed her mind, she didn't mind to make her words sounded harsh, but Liu Wei and the other guards flinched when they heard that.
Their Mistress had really drastically changed.
Before, Qianru would do everything to make Xiao Jun happy and comfortable, not to mention slapping Bai Yuyan with her shoe, their Mistress even never punished her servants, but it didn't mean those servants would find trouble with her, they still respected her as their Mistress.
They were on the main street, hence as soon as the guard told them about Xiao Jun's arrival, his figured appeared.
Xiao Jun was riding his black stallion, looked otherworldly handsome and gallant, though he just wearing his usual white robes, but the contrast color was so dashing.
Qianru had seen him in this kind of scene for many times, but still, she liked what she was seeing now. She took a deep breath to hold back the smile that wanted curled on her lips as she lowered her gazed and Bai Yuyan's pitiful figure came into her line of sight, it helped her, because she felt her anger rose up again.
On the ground, Bai Yuyan's crying voice was so irritating that Qianru was tempting to give her another slap with her another shoe. Currently, she was standing indignantly with a shoe on her right hand while looking at Xiao Jun's figure on the horse, nonchalantly.
Actually, she glared at him.
Qianru was so livid at Bai Yuyan before Xiao Jun's arrival, thus it was hard to change her mood now.
Xiao Jun's smile froze when he received Qianru's angry glare, he was confused. Was his presence really annoy her greatly now?
But then, his brows wrinkled when he realized the crying sound from another woman on the ground. He had never seen this woman before, but giving to her beautiful dress, Xiao Jun was certain she wasn't a servant.
He only spared the other woman a quick glance before he dismounted his horse and approached Qianru.
Upon closer look, the wrinkle between his eyes deepened. "What are you doing with that shoe?" Xiao Jun pointed the shoe in Qianru's hand.
But, except from glaring, Qianru apparently didn't want to give him another reaction.
Xiao Jun sighed deeply, it had been months since they saw each other and not only he was unwelcomed, but he was actually coming in worst timing.
"Who is this woman?" Xiao Jun pointed Bai Yuyan with his chin indolently. His ears were so irritated by the sound that she made.
Before Liu Wei could answer Xiao Jun's question, Bai Yuyan crawled closer toward Xiao Jun, intended to hug his leg.
However, Xiao Jun swiftly moved aside to avoid her with disgusting look in his eyes. What was wrong with this woman? He thought.
Seeing Xiao Jun's reluctance and his unwillingness to be touched, Bai Yuyan's cry slightly subsided as she held her dirt red cheek, with her lips slightly bleeding she was weeping and complaining to Xiao Jun.
"Prince Xiao Jun… I am Bai Yuyan." Bai Yuyan said in pitiful voice, tears wetted her small face. "I am bestowed by The Emperor to be your Concubine…"
Upon hearing the word of Emperor and Concubine, Xiao Jun's face turned ashen. His gloomy eyes directed at Qianru, waiting for her explanation.
"What is that mean with that?" Xiao Jun almost growled at Qianru as he turned livid. He thought Qianru was looking for a Concubine for him while he was away, that she was being serious by her words to let him have a concubine.
Qianru shrugged her and gave Xiao Jun an innocent look. "One day, suddenly the Emperor called me to enter the palace and The Emperor said, he wanted to give you a present." Qianru waved the shoe in her hand toward Bai Yuyan. "And here your present."
Xiao Jun was very angry by Qianru callous explanation. He wanted to see the woman slightly disturb by the fact that there was another woman, but it didn't mean he would take Bai Yuyan as concubine, it was an impossible thing that would never happen, however Qianru was very calm as she didn't care about this matter.
"Why all of sudden Xiao Zi wanted to give me a concubine?" Xiao Jun looked at Qianru suspiciously. In his anger, he didn't care to call Xiao Zi by his name only.
"Prince Xiao Jun, I was bestowed to be your concubine by The Emperor because Princess Xiao couldn't conceive an heir for you…" Bai Yuyan looked up at Xiao Jun with her teary eyes. "Yuyan here to help Xiao's mansion to have a future Master…" She said shamelessly.
"THROW HER OUT!" Xiao Jun roared upon hearing Bai Yuyan's explanation, if he was a man and wasn't from the palace people's side, she would have been dead by now for saying such a taboo thing.
Killing her right now wasn't worth as it would give Xiao Zi an excuse to pressure Xiao Jun and toppled his influence.
Qianru was startled by Xiao Jun's outburst. Xiao Jun was very rare to be angry like this, but once he did, it wasn't a pleasant thing to see
"What are you doing!?" This time Xiao Jun glared at Qianru, who was still holding her shoe. "Wear your shoe!" He yelled at her.
Forgetting the grudge between them, Qianru hastily put down her shoe and wore it.
In the other hand, Bai Yuyan was being dragged away by Liu Wei and the other guard while kicking and screaming.
"Prince Xiao Jun, I will be your concubine, I was bestowed by the Emperor himself, you can't turn down the Emperor's wish!" Bai Yuyan repeated her words again and again until her figure couldn't be seen and her voice started to fade.
Qianru grimaced when she saw the scene, it was the same scene that was happening weeks ago in Xiao Tianyao's mansion. Why Bai Yuyan couldn't hold back her words and liked to being thrown out to shut her off?
"That's how you deal with situation and people like that!" Xiao Jun scolded her and then grabbed her hand forcefully as he walked toward his courtyard.
Qianru saw the direction that Xiao Jun was heading as she grimaced, knowing what would happen next.
Before, she was looking forward for Xiao Jun's return as it would be a funny sight to see his reaction, but she had never thought that Xiao Jun would be this angry and directly threw Bai Yuyan out of the mansion.
Once he knew what happened to his chamber, it would be a storm that engulfed this mansion.
Qianru gulped hard as fear suddenly crept in her heart, her nonchalant bearing had long gone and was replaced by anxiety.
Along the way Xiao Jun ignored all the guards who bowed at him as he walked straight to his chamber, however, he stopped in front of his door as he realized something was wrong.
Xiao Jun sniffed the air and scrunched his nose, there was a weird scent coming out from his chamber. "What is it?" He mumbled to himself.
Behind him, Qianru bit her lips as she waited for Xiao Jun's next reaction.
This situation wasn't right, Qianru shouldn't be scare at this moment and enjoyed his anger, but the fact said otherwise.
At the time Xiao Jun opened the door, he was literally befuddled by the condition of inside, this as if he was walking into the wrong room with strong smell of flower.
Everything had changed.
Not only Xiao Jun, even Qianru also flabbergasted by the renovation that Bai Yuyan had done as she had never stepped inside this room ever since Xiao Jun had gone to the north fortress. Her jaw dropped open.
She was amazed that Xiao Jun's delicate chamber had turned into a grand and ostentatious one, even her own bedroom didn't have this tacky style.
Xiao Jun was at lost as he didn't know what he should say as if the words had gone from his dictionary, he turned around and glared at Qianru, questioning her through his eyes.
"I …" Qianru suddenly stammered as the words jumbled up inside her head. She couldn't find the right reason or excuse for this. "I don't know…" She said softly.
"You don't know?" Xiao Jun enunciated every syllable strongly as he stared at his wife in disbelief.
Not only Qianru was letting another woman stayed inside their mansion, but she also let her slept inside his chamber.
Xiao Jun didn't quite understand what was wrong with Qianru. He knew she was upset, angry at him, but she shouldn't let anyone to enter their life easily. Their problem had not yet come to light!
"Did you really let her stay inside my room?" Xiao Jun stared down at Qianru that made her avoided his piercing gaze.
Qianru was nervously rocking back and fort while fiddling with the edge of her sleeves. "Yes, I did." She answered in very low tone.
"You really want me to find another woman, do you?" Xiao Jun asked in disappointment.
Hearing Xiao Jun's disappointed question, the true purposed of Qianru to let Bai Yuyan stayed inside his chamber, gone.
"Isn't it good?" Qianru raised her head bravely, if she couldn't find an excuse then she should let him know the truth of her reason. "For the first time, I think the Emperor did something good to you, she gave you what you need and Bai Yuyan will complete you."
"Xiao Zi did something good for me?" Xiao Jun repeated Qianru's word in mocking tone. "Qianru, do you really think that way?"
Out of the blue a guilty feeling crept in Qianru's heart, had she gone too far?
"Jun, you don't love me and now I can't be a perfect woman for you, it most likely that you find another person that could complete you." Qianru raised her head and looked at Xiao Jun. There was a stabbing pain when she said that.
In the end the pain for him returned. She couldn't be as aloof as before, as the time flew, she was healed and had accepted her situation, her feeling for him also returned.
Qianru waved her hand toward his chamber and said sincerely. "I am sorry for what I have done, I think I wasn't in my right mind when I decided to take her home and let her stayed inside your room."
There was silence that followed after that, Xiao Jun didn't say anything upon Qianru apologize words, he only looked at her with misty eyes.
"I will ask someone to clean up your room." Qianru averted her eyes from Xiao Jun's intense gaze and intended to walk out of the room when Xiao Jun pulled her into his embrace.
"Qianru, can we go back to the time when we were younger? Can you stay by my side?" Xiao Jun breathed in her scent and he was sure Qianru had lost weight as her body was so slim than the last time he hugged her. "Qianru, you are perfect for me, it is me who didn't realize it."
Qianru stayed still, though she couldn't see his expression, but she knew Xiao Jun was in great pain and she couldn't helf but ached for him.
Her feeling for him was not death yet, its only needed time to heal and now with months they were being apart, the feeling grew again.
"It is my fault that you are in pain, it is my fault that we lost our child, it is my fault that you have to suffer. How can I leave you alone and broken when I am the source of your pain?" Xiao Jun buried his face on Qianru's shoulder, like the last time he had done when they were in the Greenhill Mountain while pouring out his heart.
He had ride day and night from the north fortress to the capital city only to see her, he missed her.
They had never fought this intense before and the fact that Xiao Jun had to leave her when they problem was still not yet discussed, bother him deeply.
Not to mention there were not even a single letter that Qianru replied. Xiao Jun was at lost.
"I didn't mean to make you feel like you are competing, as I am not a present. I am not a blessing, I am a curse…" Xiao Jun hugged her tighter. "I am full of wounds and the only thing that I presented to you are hardship after hardship, but you stay with me and I failed to cherish that."
Xiao Jun realized his crucial mistakes and not even the word of regret could describe his feeling now.
He had ignored her for long time and when she was slipping from his hand, he became panic.
"Among all the betrayals and schemes that I have gone through, I failed to realize it is you who stay true to me, Riana had never been there for me and she never will… she wasn't the woman who I cried to when I lost my parents and dethrone from my position, she wasn't the woman that willing to marry me even when she knew it for the shake of my political purpose, she wasn't the woman who would sincerely waiting for me and swallowed all the bitterness that I had brought upon her without a single complain" Xiao Jun admitted his feeling and his unfair treatment toward Qianru.
"Jun…" Qianru's voice choked on her throat as she closed her teary eyes.
"I am sorry for neglecting you all this time, I am sorry for make your life miserable while my attitude toward you make it worse, I am sorry not realize your value until you had to suffer an extreme pain and turned your heart cold, I am sorry I have never been there for you when you need me the most, I am sorry for let you went through the pain of the lost of our baby alone while I am busy with my own matter, I am sorry for not being able to protect you, I am sorry for disappointed you and make you sad…"
Probably this was the first time after long time, Xiao Jun uttered his true feeling, laid open his weaknesses and showed her his frailty.
"I am sorry for devalue you when you are mean the world for me…" Xiao Jun let tears trickled down from his eyes when he turned Qianru to face him. "I love you Qianru and it took me long enough to realize it…"
Qianru's eyes widened when she saw tears from his eyes and his desperation, this was the second time she saw him in this state, the first one was when the day they were hiding inside small cabin in the palace when they announced the death of the Emperor Xiao Zong and the Empress.
And now, she saw it again, but this time it was because of her…
Did he really mean his words? Was she worth enough for him to shed a tear? Did he really love her?
Qianru raised her hand and wiped away his tears with the tips of her slender fingers, Xiao Jun's tears were warm when it touched her skin.
"Forgive me…" Xiao Jun repeated his words.
He didn't look like someone who would ready to face a war, someone who would lead thousands of soldiers in the battlefield, as he looked so fragile this time, the side of him that he would only show it to Qianru.
Qianru caressed his cheek, along his jaw line as her own tears trickled down from her eyes. "How can I not forgive you…" She whispered as she tiptoed and kissed his lips softly.
Xiao Jun held her body against his tightly as he reciprocated her kissed, their kiss this time tasted like salt…
"Thank you…" He whispered between their kiss.
When it ended up, Qianru was panting while her cheek blushing, she looked at Xiao Jun with the remaining tears on her eyelids, but her lips smiled brightly.
Xiao Jun still didn't want to let her go as he rested his forehead on her shoulder, nuzzled on her neck.
"Jun, why are you suddenly come back?" Qianru asked while she caressed his back.
Xiao Jun didn't immediately answer her as he stayed in the same position for some time. "Qianru…"
"Hmm?" She mumbled.
"Do you really not read my letters?" Xiao Jun asked. "I have written to you about my return." He raised his head and stared at Qianru's eyes.
"Oh…" Qianru didn't know how to give a proper reaction about this as she indeed didn't read the letters at all.
From her expression, Xiao Jun knew that his guess was right. "At the very least, if you don't want to reply it, you have to read it. I had written a long word for you." Xiao Jun suddenly felt annoyed by her.
But the woman in front of him, was smiling brightly. "Well, we can read those letters together."
"No, thank you." Xiao Jun rejected the idea immediately.
Most of his letters were about his regret and asked for her forgiveness, it would be awkward if they were going to read them together when they have just reconciled now.
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"Prince Xiao Jun has returned." He said.
Xiao Jun's returned was something unexpected, there was no word or letter that he would come back now.
He should be preparing the upcoming war with Elder Dam by now right? But, what he was doing here now?
Seemingly, shocking news kept coming in this morning.
Bai Yuyan, who still on sat on the ground because of the impact of Qianru's shoe slapped, suddenly wailing pitifully while the others were still flabbergasted by the news that the guards had announced.
Even Liu Wei, who constantly exchanged letter with his Master because his Mistress was unwilling to write anything, didn't know about Xiao Jun's returned.
"What is he doing here?" Qianru mumbled, that was the first thought that crossed her mind, she didn't mind to make her words sounded harsh, but Liu Wei and the other guards flinched when they heard that.
Their Mistress had really drastically changed.
Before, Qianru would do everything to make Xiao Jun happy and comfortable, not to mention slapping Bai Yuyan with her shoe, their Mistress even never punished her servants, but it didn't mean those servants would find trouble with her, they still respected her as their Mistress.
They were on the main street, hence as soon as the guard told them about Xiao Jun's arrival, his figured appeared.
Xiao Jun was riding his black stallion, looked otherworldly handsome and gallant, though he just wearing his usual white robes, but the contrast color was so dashing.
Qianru had seen him in this kind of scene for many times, but still, she liked what she was seeing now. She took a deep breath to hold back the smile that wanted curled on her lips as she lowered her gazed and Bai Yuyan's pitiful figure came into her line of sight, it helped her, because she felt her anger rose up again.
On the ground, Bai Yuyan's crying voice was so irritating that Qianru was tempting to give her another slap with her another shoe. Currently, she was standing indignantly with a shoe on her right hand while looking at Xiao Jun's figure on the horse, nonchalantly.
Actually, she glared at him.
Qianru was so livid at Bai Yuyan before Xiao Jun's arrival, thus it was hard to change her mood now.
Xiao Jun's smile froze when he received Qianru's angry glare, he was confused. Was his presence really annoy her greatly now?
But then, his brows wrinkled when he realized the crying sound from another woman on the ground. He had never seen this woman before, but giving to her beautiful dress, Xiao Jun was certain she wasn't a servant.
He only spared the other woman a quick glance before he dismounted his horse and approached Qianru.
Upon closer look, the wrinkle between his eyes deepened. "What are you doing with that shoe?" Xiao Jun pointed the shoe in Qianru's hand.
But, except from glaring, Qianru apparently didn't want to give him another reaction.
Xiao Jun sighed deeply, it had been months since they saw each other and not only he was unwelcomed, but he was actually coming in worst timing.
"Who is this woman?" Xiao Jun pointed Bai Yuyan with his chin indolently. His ears were so irritated by the sound that she made.
Before Liu Wei could answer Xiao Jun's question, Bai Yuyan crawled closer toward Xiao Jun, intended to hug his leg.
However, Xiao Jun swiftly moved aside to avoid her with disgusting look in his eyes. What was wrong with this woman? He thought.
Seeing Xiao Jun's reluctance and his unwillingness to be touched, Bai Yuyan's cry slightly subsided as she held her dirt red cheek, with her lips slightly bleeding she was weeping and complaining to Xiao Jun.
"Prince Xiao Jun… I am Bai Yuyan." Bai Yuyan said in pitiful voice, tears wetted her small face. "I am bestowed by The Emperor to be your Concubine…"
Upon hearing the word of Emperor and Concubine, Xiao Jun's face turned ashen. His gloomy eyes directed at Qianru, waiting for her explanation.
"What is that mean with that?" Xiao Jun almost growled at Qianru as he turned livid. He thought Qianru was looking for a Concubine for him while he was away, that she was being serious by her words to let him have a concubine.
Qianru shrugged her and gave Xiao Jun an innocent look. "One day, suddenly the Emperor called me to enter the palace and The Emperor said, he wanted to give you a present." Qianru waved the shoe in her hand toward Bai Yuyan. "And here your present."
Xiao Jun was very angry by Qianru callous explanation. He wanted to see the woman slightly disturb by the fact that there was another woman, but it didn't mean he would take Bai Yuyan as concubine, it was an impossible thing that would never happen, however Qianru was very calm as she didn't care about this matter.
"Why all of sudden Xiao Zi wanted to give me a concubine?" Xiao Jun looked at Qianru suspiciously. In his anger, he didn't care to call Xiao Zi by his name only.
"Prince Xiao Jun, I was bestowed to be your concubine by The Emperor because Princess Xiao couldn't conceive an heir for you…" Bai Yuyan looked up at Xiao Jun with her teary eyes. "Yuyan here to help Xiao's mansion to have a future Master…" She said shamelessly.
"THROW HER OUT!" Xiao Jun roared upon hearing Bai Yuyan's explanation, if he was a man and wasn't from the palace people's side, she would have been dead by now for saying such a taboo thing.
Killing her right now wasn't worth as it would give Xiao Zi an excuse to pressure Xiao Jun and toppled his influence.
Qianru was startled by Xiao Jun's outburst. Xiao Jun was very rare to be angry like this, but once he did, it wasn't a pleasant thing to see
"What are you doing!?" This time Xiao Jun glared at Qianru, who was still holding her shoe. "Wear your shoe!" He yelled at her.
Forgetting the grudge between them, Qianru hastily put down her shoe and wore it.
In the other hand, Bai Yuyan was being dragged away by Liu Wei and the other guard while kicking and screaming.
"Prince Xiao Jun, I will be your concubine, I was bestowed by the Emperor himself, you can't turn down the Emperor's wish!" Bai Yuyan repeated her words again and again until her figure couldn't be seen and her voice started to fade.
Qianru grimaced when she saw the scene, it was the same scene that was happening weeks ago in Xiao Tianyao's mansion. Why Bai Yuyan couldn't hold back her words and liked to being thrown out to shut her off?
"That's how you deal with situation and people like that!" Xiao Jun scolded her and then grabbed her hand forcefully as he walked toward his courtyard.
Qianru saw the direction that Xiao Jun was heading as she grimaced, knowing what would happen next.
Before, she was looking forward for Xiao Jun's return as it would be a funny sight to see his reaction, but she had never thought that Xiao Jun would be this angry and directly threw Bai Yuyan out of the mansion.
Once he knew what happened to his chamber, it would be a storm that engulfed this mansion.
Qianru gulped hard as fear suddenly crept in her heart, her nonchalant bearing had long gone and was replaced by anxiety.
Along the way Xiao Jun ignored all the guards who bowed at him as he walked straight to his chamber, however, he stopped in front of his door as he realized something was wrong.
Xiao Jun sniffed the air and scrunched his nose, there was a weird scent coming out from his chamber. "What is it?" He mumbled to himself.
Behind him, Qianru bit her lips as she waited for Xiao Jun's next reaction.
This situation wasn't right, Qianru shouldn't be scare at this moment and enjoyed his anger, but the fact said otherwise.
At the time Xiao Jun opened the door, he was literally befuddled by the condition of inside, this as if he was walking into the wrong room with strong smell of flower.
Everything had changed.
Not only Xiao Jun, even Qianru also flabbergasted by the renovation that Bai Yuyan had done as she had never stepped inside this room ever since Xiao Jun had gone to the north fortress. Her jaw dropped open.
She was amazed that Xiao Jun's delicate chamber had turned into a grand and ostentatious one, even her own bedroom didn't have this tacky style.
Xiao Jun was at lost as he didn't know what he should say as if the words had gone from his dictionary, he turned around and glared at Qianru, questioning her through his eyes.
"I …" Qianru suddenly stammered as the words jumbled up inside her head. She couldn't find the right reason or excuse for this. "I don't know…" She said softly.
"You don't know?" Xiao Jun enunciated every syllable strongly as he stared at his wife in disbelief.
Not only Qianru was letting another woman stayed inside their mansion, but she also let her slept inside his chamber.
Xiao Jun didn't quite understand what was wrong with Qianru. He knew she was upset, angry at him, but she shouldn't let anyone to enter their life easily. Their problem had not yet come to light!
"Did you really let her stay inside my room?" Xiao Jun stared down at Qianru that made her avoided his piercing gaze.
Qianru was nervously rocking back and fort while fiddling with the edge of her sleeves. "Yes, I did." She answered in very low tone.
"You really want me to find another woman, do you?" Xiao Jun asked in disappointment.
Hearing Xiao Jun's disappointed question, the true purposed of Qianru to let Bai Yuyan stayed inside his chamber, gone.
"Isn't it good?" Qianru raised her head bravely, if she couldn't find an excuse then she should let him know the truth of her reason. "For the first time, I think the Emperor did something good to you, she gave you what you need and Bai Yuyan will complete you."
"Xiao Zi did something good for me?" Xiao Jun repeated Qianru's word in mocking tone. "Qianru, do you really think that way?"
Out of the blue a guilty feeling crept in Qianru's heart, had she gone too far?
"Jun, you don't love me and now I can't be a perfect woman for you, it most likely that you find another person that could complete you." Qianru raised her head and looked at Xiao Jun. There was a stabbing pain when she said that.
In the end the pain for him returned. She couldn't be as aloof as before, as the time flew, she was healed and had accepted her situation, her feeling for him also returned.
Qianru waved her hand toward his chamber and said sincerely. "I am sorry for what I have done, I think I wasn't in my right mind when I decided to take her home and let her stayed inside your room."
There was silence that followed after that, Xiao Jun didn't say anything upon Qianru apologize words, he only looked at her with misty eyes.
"I will ask someone to clean up your room." Qianru averted her eyes from Xiao Jun's intense gaze and intended to walk out of the room when Xiao Jun pulled her into his embrace.
"Qianru, can we go back to the time when we were younger? Can you stay by my side?" Xiao Jun breathed in her scent and he was sure Qianru had lost weight as her body was so slim than the last time he hugged her. "Qianru, you are perfect for me, it is me who didn't realize it."
Qianru stayed still, though she couldn't see his expression, but she knew Xiao Jun was in great pain and she couldn't helf but ached for him.
Her feeling for him was not death yet, its only needed time to heal and now with months they were being apart, the feeling grew again.
"It is my fault that you are in pain, it is my fault that we lost our child, it is my fault that you have to suffer. How can I leave you alone and broken when I am the source of your pain?" Xiao Jun buried his face on Qianru's shoulder, like the last time he had done when they were in the Greenhill Mountain while pouring out his heart.
He had ride day and night from the north fortress to the capital city only to see her, he missed her.
They had never fought this intense before and the fact that Xiao Jun had to leave her when they problem was still not yet discussed, bother him deeply.
Not to mention there were not even a single letter that Qianru replied. Xiao Jun was at lost.
"I didn't mean to make you feel like you are competing, as I am not a present. I am not a blessing, I am a curse…" Xiao Jun hugged her tighter. "I am full of wounds and the only thing that I presented to you are hardship after hardship, but you stay with me and I failed to cherish that."
Xiao Jun realized his crucial mistakes and not even the word of regret could describe his feeling now.
He had ignored her for long time and when she was slipping from his hand, he became panic.
"Among all the betrayals and schemes that I have gone through, I failed to realize it is you who stay true to me, Riana had never been there for me and she never will… she wasn't the woman who I cried to when I lost my parents and dethrone from my position, she wasn't the woman that willing to marry me even when she knew it for the shake of my political purpose, she wasn't the woman who would sincerely waiting for me and swallowed all the bitterness that I had brought upon her without a single complain" Xiao Jun admitted his feeling and his unfair treatment toward Qianru.
"Jun…" Qianru's voice choked on her throat as she closed her teary eyes.
"I am sorry for neglecting you all this time, I am sorry for make your life miserable while my attitude toward you make it worse, I am sorry not realize your value until you had to suffer an extreme pain and turned your heart cold, I am sorry I have never been there for you when you need me the most, I am sorry for let you went through the pain of the lost of our baby alone while I am busy with my own matter, I am sorry for not being able to protect you, I am sorry for disappointed you and make you sad…"
Probably this was the first time after long time, Xiao Jun uttered his true feeling, laid open his weaknesses and showed her his frailty.
"I am sorry for devalue you when you are mean the world for me…" Xiao Jun let tears trickled down from his eyes when he turned Qianru to face him. "I love you Qianru and it took me long enough to realize it…"
Qianru's eyes widened when she saw tears from his eyes and his desperation, this was the second time she saw him in this state, the first one was when the day they were hiding inside small cabin in the palace when they announced the death of the Emperor Xiao Zong and the Empress.
And now, she saw it again, but this time it was because of her…
Did he really mean his words? Was she worth enough for him to shed a tear? Did he really love her?
Qianru raised her hand and wiped away his tears with the tips of her slender fingers, Xiao Jun's tears were warm when it touched her skin.
"Forgive me…" Xiao Jun repeated his words.
He didn't look like someone who would ready to face a war, someone who would lead thousands of soldiers in the battlefield, as he looked so fragile this time, the side of him that he would only show it to Qianru.
Qianru caressed his cheek, along his jaw line as her own tears trickled down from her eyes. "How can I not forgive you…" She whispered as she tiptoed and kissed his lips softly.
Xiao Jun held her body against his tightly as he reciprocated her kissed, their kiss this time tasted like salt…
"Thank you…" He whispered between their kiss.
When it ended up, Qianru was panting while her cheek blushing, she looked at Xiao Jun with the remaining tears on her eyelids, but her lips smiled brightly.
Xiao Jun still didn't want to let her go as he rested his forehead on her shoulder, nuzzled on her neck.
"Jun, why are you suddenly come back?" Qianru asked while she caressed his back.
Xiao Jun didn't immediately answer her as he stayed in the same position for some time. "Qianru…"
"Hmm?" She mumbled.
"Do you really not read my letters?" Xiao Jun asked. "I have written to you about my return." He raised his head and stared at Qianru's eyes.
"Oh…" Qianru didn't know how to give a proper reaction about this as she indeed didn't read the letters at all.
From her expression, Xiao Jun knew that his guess was right. "At the very least, if you don't want to reply it, you have to read it. I had written a long word for you." Xiao Jun suddenly felt annoyed by her.
But the woman in front of him, was smiling brightly. "Well, we can read those letters together."
"No, thank you." Xiao Jun rejected the idea immediately.
Most of his letters were about his regret and asked for her forgiveness, it would be awkward if they were going to read them together when they have just reconciled now.
"Prince Xiao Jun has returned." He said.Xiao Jun's returned was something unexpected, there was no word or letter that he would come back now.He should be preparing the upcoming war with Elder Dam by now right? But, what he was doing here now?Seemingly, shocking news kept coming in this morning.Bai Yuyan, who still on sat on the ground because of the impact of Qianru's shoe slapped, suddenly wailing pitifully while the others were still flabbergasted by the news that the guards had announced.Even Liu Wei, who constantly exchanged letter with his Master because his Mistress was unwilling to write anything, didn't know about Xiao Jun's returned."What is he doing here?" Qianru mumbled, that was the first thought that crossed her mind, she didn't mind to make her words sounded harsh, but Liu Wei and the other guards flinched when they heard that.Their Mistress had really drastically changed.Before, Qianru would do everything to make Xiao Jun happy and comfortable, not to mention slapping Bai Yuyan with her shoe, their Mistress even never punished her servants, but it didn't mean those servants would find trouble with her, they still respected her as their Mistress.They were on the main street, hence as soon as the guard told them about Xiao Jun's arrival, his figured appeared.Xiao Jun was riding his black stallion, looked otherworldly handsome and gallant, though he just wearing his usual white robes, but the contrast color was so dashing.Qianru had seen him in this kind of scene for many times, but still, she liked what she was seeing now. She took a deep breath to hold back the smile that wanted curled on her lips as she lowered her gazed and Bai Yuyan's pitiful figure came into her line of sight, it helped her, because she felt her anger rose up again.On the ground, Bai Yuyan's crying voice was so irritating that Qianru was tempting to give her another slap with her another shoe. Currently, she was standing indignantly with a shoe on her right hand while looking at Xiao Jun's figure on the horse, nonchalantly.Actually, she glared at him.Qianru was so livid at Bai Yuyan before Xiao Jun's arrival, thus it was hard to change her mood now.Xiao Jun's smile froze when he received Qianru's angry glare, he was confused. Was his presence really annoy her greatly now?But then, his brows wrinkled when he realized the crying sound from another woman on the ground. He had never seen this woman before, but giving to her beautiful dress, Xiao Jun was certain she wasn't a servant.He only spared the other woman a quick glance before he dismounted his horse and approached Qianru.Upon closer look, the wrinkle between his eyes deepened. "What are you doing with that shoe?" Xiao Jun pointed the shoe in Qianru's hand.But, except from glaring, Qianru apparently didn't want to give him another reaction.Xiao Jun sighed deeply, it had been months since they saw each other and not only he was unwelcomed, but he was actually coming in worst timing."Who is this woman?" Xiao Jun pointed Bai Yuyan with his chin indolently. His ears were so irritated by the sound that she made.Before Liu Wei could answer Xiao Jun's question, Bai Yuyan crawled closer toward Xiao Jun, intended to hug his leg.However, Xiao Jun swiftly moved aside to avoid her with disgusting look in his eyes. What was wrong with this woman? He thought.Seeing Xiao Jun's reluctance and his unwillingness to be touched, Bai Yuyan's cry slightly subsided as she held her dirt red cheek, with her lips slightly bleeding she was weeping and complaining to Xiao Jun."Prince Xiao Jun I am Bai Yuyan." Bai Yuyan said in pitiful voice, tears wetted her small face. "I am bestowed by The Emperor to be your Concubine"Upon hearing the word of Emperor and Concubine, Xiao Jun's face turned ashen. His gloomy eyes directed at Qianru, waiting for her explanation."What is that mean with that?" Xiao Jun almost growled at Qianru as he turned livid. He thought Qianru was looking for a Concubine for him while he was away, that she was being serious by her words to let him have a concubine.Qianru shrugged her and gave Xiao Jun an innocent look. "One day, suddenly the Emperor called me to enter the palace and The Emperor said, he wanted to give you a present." Qianru waved the shoe in her hand toward Bai Yuyan. "And here your present."Xiao Jun was very angry by Qianru callous explanation. He wanted to see the woman slightly disturb by the fact that there was another woman, but it didn't mean he would take Bai Yuyan as concubine, it was an impossible thing that would never happen, however Qianru was very calm as she didn't care about this matter."Why all of sudden Xiao Zi wanted to give me a concubine?" Xiao Jun looked at Qianru suspiciously. In his anger, he didn't care to call Xiao Zi by his name only."Prince Xiao Jun, I was bestowed to be your concubine by The Emperor because Princess Xiao couldn't conceive an heir for you" Bai Yuyan looked up at Xiao Jun with her teary eyes. "Yuyan here to help Xiao's mansion to have a future Master" She said shamelessly."THROW HER OUT!" Xiao Jun roared upon hearing Bai Yuyan's explanation, if he was a man and wasn't from the palace people's side, she would have been dead by now for saying such a taboo thing.Killing her right now wasn't worth as it would give Xiao Zi an excuse to pressure Xiao Jun and toppled his influence.Qianru was startled by Xiao Jun's outburst. Xiao Jun was very rare to be angry like this, but once he did, it wasn't a pleasant thing to see"What are you doing!?" This time Xiao Jun glared at Qianru, who was still holding her shoe. "Wear your shoe!" He yelled at her.Forgetting the grudge between them, Qianru hastily put down her shoe and wore it.In the other hand, Bai Yuyan was being dragged away by Liu Wei and the other guard while kicking and screaming."Prince Xiao Jun, I will be your concubine, I was bestowed by the Emperor himself, you can't turn down the Emperor's wish!" Bai Yuyan repeated her words again and again until her figure couldn't be seen and her voice started to fade.Qianru grimaced when she saw the scene, it was the same scene that was happening weeks ago in Xiao Tianyao's mansion. Why Bai Yuyan couldn't hold back her words and liked to being thrown out to shut her off?"That's how you deal with situation and people like that!" Xiao Jun scolded her and then grabbed her hand forcefully as he walked toward his courtyard.Qianru saw the direction that Xiao Jun was heading as she grimaced, knowing what would happen next.Before, she was looking forward for Xiao Jun's return as it would be a funny sight to see his reaction, but she had never thought that Xiao Jun would be this angry and directly threw Bai Yuyan out of the mansion.Once he knew what happened to his chamber, it would be a storm that engulfed this mansion.Qianru gulped hard as fear suddenly crept in her heart, her nonchalant bearing had long gone and was replaced by anxiety.Along the way Xiao Jun ignored all the guards who bowed at him as he walked straight to his chamber, however, he stopped in front of his door as he realized something was wrong.Xiao Jun sniffed the air and scrunched his nose, there was a weird scent coming out from his chamber. "What is it?" He mumbled to himself.Behind him, Qianru bit her lips as she waited for Xiao Jun's next reaction.This situation wasn't right, Qianru shouldn't be scare at this moment and enjoyed his anger, but the fact said otherwise.At the time Xiao Jun opened the door, he was literally befuddled by the condition of inside, this as if he was walking into the wrong room with strong smell of flower.Everything had changed.Not only Xiao Jun, even Qianru also flabbergasted by the renovation that Bai Yuyan had done as she had never stepped inside this room ever since Xiao Jun had gone to the north fortress. Her jaw dropped open.She was amazed that Xiao Jun's delicate chamber had turned into a grand and ostentatious one, even her own bedroom didn't have this tacky style.Xiao Jun was at lost as he didn't know what he should say as if the words had gone from his dictionary, he turned around and glared at Qianru, questioning her through his eyes."I " Qianru suddenly stammered as the words jumbled up inside her head. She couldn't find the right reason or excuse for this. "I don't know" She said softly."You don't know?" Xiao Jun enunciated every syllable strongly as he stared at his wife in disbelief.Not only Qianru was letting another woman stayed inside their mansion, but she also let her slept inside his chamber.Xiao Jun didn't quite understand what was wrong with Qianru. He knew she was upset, angry at him, but she shouldn't let anyone to enter their life easily. Their problem had not yet come to light!"Did you really let her stay inside my room?" Xiao Jun stared down at Qianru that made her avoided his piercing gaze.Qianru was nervously rocking back and fort while fiddling with the edge of her sleeves. "Yes, I did." She answered in very low tone."You really want me to find another woman, do you?" Xiao Jun asked in disappointment.Hearing Xiao Jun's disappointed question, the true purposed of Qianru to let Bai Yuyan stayed inside his chamber, gone."Isn't it good?" Qianru raised her head bravely, if she couldn't find an excuse then she should let him know the truth of her reason. "For the first time, I think the Emperor did something good to you, she gave you what you need and Bai Yuyan will complete you.""Xiao Zi did something good for me?" Xiao Jun repeated Qianru's word in mocking tone. "Qianru, do you really think that way?"Out of the blue a guilty feeling crept in Qianru's heart, had she gone too far?"Jun, you don't love me and now I can't be a perfect woman for you, it most likely that you find another person that could complete you." Qianru raised her head and looked at Xiao Jun. There was a stabbing pain when she said that.In the end the pain for him returned. She couldn't be as aloof as before, as the time flew, she was healed and had accepted her situation, her feeling for him also returned.Qianru waved her hand toward his chamber and said sincerely. "I am sorry for what I have done, I think I wasn't in my right mind when I decided to take her home and let her stayed inside your room."There was silence that followed after that, Xiao Jun didn't say anything upon Qianru apologize words, he only looked at her with misty eyes."I will ask someone to clean up your room." Qianru averted her eyes from Xiao Jun's intense gaze and intended to walk out of the room when Xiao Jun pulled her into his embrace."Qianru, can we go back to the time when we were younger? Can you stay by my side?" Xiao Jun breathed in her scent and he was sure Qianru had lost weight as her body was so slim than the last time he hugged her. "Qianru, you are perfect for me, it is me who didn't realize it."Qianru stayed still, though she couldn't see his expression, but she knew Xiao Jun was in great pain and she couldn't helf but ached for him.Her feeling for him was not death yet, its only needed time to heal and now with months they were being apart, the feeling grew again."It is my fault that you are in pain, it is my fault that we lost our child, it is my fault that you have to suffer. How can I leave you alone and broken when I am the source of your pain?" Xiao Jun buried his face on Qianru's shoulder, like the last time he had done when they were in the Greenhill Mountain while pouring out his heart.He had ride day and night from the north fortress to the capital city only to see her, he missed her.They had never fought this intense before and the fact that Xiao Jun had to leave her when they problem was still not yet discussed, bother him deeply.Not to mention there were not even a single letter that Qianru replied. Xiao Jun was at lost."I didn't mean to make you feel like you are competing, as I am not a present. I am not a blessing, I am a curse" Xiao Jun hugged her tighter. "I am full of wounds and the only thing that I presented to you are hardship after hardship, but you stay with me and I failed to cherish that."Xiao Jun realized his crucial mistakes and not even the word of regret could describe his feeling now.He had ignored her for long time and when she was slipping from his hand, he became panic."Among all the betrayals and schemes that I have gone through, I failed to realize it is you who stay true to me, Riana had never been there for me and she never will she wasn't the woman who I cried to when I lost my parents and dethrone from my position, she wasn't the woman that willing to marry me even when she knew it for the shake of my political purpose, she wasn't the woman who would sincerely waiting for me and swallowed all the bitterness that I had brought upon her without a single complain" Xiao Jun admitted his feeling and his unfair treatment toward Qianru."Jun" Qianru's voice choked on her throat as she closed her teary eyes."I am sorry for neglecting you all this time, I am sorry for make your life miserable while my attitude toward you make it worse, I am sorry not realize your value until you had to suffer an extreme pain and turned your heart cold, I am sorry I have never been there for you when you need me the most, I am sorry for let you went through the pain of the lost of our baby alone while I am busy with my own matter, I am sorry for not being able to protect you, I am sorry for disappointed you and make you sad"Probably this was the first time after long time, Xiao Jun uttered his true feeling, laid open his weaknesses and showed her his frailty."I am sorry for devalue you when you are mean the world for me" Xiao Jun let tears trickled down from his eyes when he turned Qianru to face him. "I love you Qianru and it took me long enough to realize it"Qianru's eyes widened when she saw tears from his eyes and his desperation, this was the second time she saw him in this state, the first one was when the day they were hiding inside small cabin in the palace when they announced the death of the Emperor Xiao Zong and the Empress.And now, she saw it again, but this time it was because of herDid he really mean his words? Was she worth enough for him to shed a tear? Did he really love her?Qianru raised her hand and wiped away his tears with the tips of her slender fingers, Xiao Jun's tears were warm when it touched her skin."Forgive me" Xiao Jun repeated his words.He didn't look like someone who would ready to face a war, someone who would lead thousands of soldiers in the battlefield, as he looked so fragile this time, the side of him that he would only show it to Qianru.Qianru caressed his cheek, along his jaw line as her own tears trickled down from her eyes. "How can I not forgive you" She whispered as she tiptoed and kissed his lips softly.Xiao Jun held her body against his tightly as he reciprocated her kissed, their kiss this time tasted like salt"Thank you" He whispered between their kiss.When it ended up, Qianru was panting while her cheek blushing, she looked at Xiao Jun with the remaining tears on her eyelids, but her lips smiled brightly.Xiao Jun still didn't want to let her go as he rested his forehead on her shoulder, nuzzled on her neck."Jun, why are you suddenly come back?" Qianru asked while she caressed his back.Xiao Jun didn't immediately answer her as he stayed in the same position for some time. "Qianru""Hmm?" She mumbled."Do you really not read my letters?" Xiao Jun asked. "I have written to you about my return." He raised his head and stared at Qianru's eyes."Oh" Qianru didn't know how to give a proper reaction about this as she indeed didn't read the letters at all.From her expression, Xiao Jun knew that his guess was right. "At the very least, if you don't want to reply it, you have to read it. I had written a long word for you." Xiao Jun suddenly felt annoyed by her.But the woman in front of him, was smiling brightly. "Well, we can read those letters together.""No, thank you." Xiao Jun rejected the idea immediately.Most of his letters were about his regret and asked for her forgiveness, it would be awkward if they were going to read them together when they have just reconciled now.
