Chapter 04: Tied Strings of Bonds
—An exorcists or a devil, that doesn’t matter to me. For me, you, Luna and Machina are just cute girls. And there’s no need to be scared of such.
The words Shinobu-kun once told me.
The smile he showed me.
Even now they remained in my heart without fading.
In the car Kaoru-san was driving, I remembered Shinobu-kun’s words and smile while I watched the quiet and dark street through the window.
…Back then, I was really happy.
As a kid, I wanted to help my precious friend and showed my exorcist powers, whereupon she cried with “Monster” while looking at me. Weird rumours spread at school, I became alone and I thought it would turn out like this again if I ever showed my powers again.
But Shinobu-kun was different.
Actually I was somewhat prepared for it when I showed my powers in front of him.
But Shinobu-kun tried to protect Luna-san, even though she was a devil, and wasn’t the least bit scared of me.
I found it strange and it weighted on my mind, so at some point my eyes were chasing him. Everyone was saying he was a scary person, but I noticed that he was actually kind and felt that he resembled Kaoru-san a bit… I wondered when it was that I fell in love with him?
“…It was the first time a boy called me cute…”
His behaviour to hide his red cheeks when embarrassed.
His big, warm hand that petted my head.
The gentle smile he suddenly showed.
I found all of that lovely. On days I could see him, I was happy and on days I couldn’t, I was always thinking of him.
Therefore I noticed right away that he had feelings for Luna-san, by observing his attitude, speech and conduct. But I couldn’t give up. I troubled him by pushing my selfish dream on him. I… made my beloved person sad.
The other day, when thunder was echoing, Shinobu-kun came to pick me up out of worry and wanted to stay friends with me, yet… I could only shake off his kindness.
The hand he extended was kind of shaking and the lips he bit onto, enduring something, just looked sorrowful…
But if I stayed at his side like this, I was sure that I would act spoiled towards him again, bother him and cause trouble… If that continued, I believed that he would come to hate me some day.
That would be by far more painful.
But, actually…
At some point tears were seeping out. When I wiped them away secretly, Kaoru-san, who was driving the car, said isolated.
“…Hijiri-chan, could you decrease your workload a little bit?”
Suddenly facing me, Kaoru-san knit her brows worried.
“You are running for the student council election, right? You are already busy as it is and if you increase your exorcist jobs any more than this, your body will break down.”
“Sorry, Kaoru-san. It’s better that way now.”
By getting busy, I could forget a lot of things.
“Besides, I have to accomplish achievements while I can.”
“…Is that for Shinobu-sama’s sake?”
“It’s for you as well.”
Not denying it in particular, I forced myself to smile.
I certainly was thinking of changing the exorcist organisation to make them acknowledge Kaoru-san as my family. But that wasn’t all to it. It involved Luna-san and Machina-san too. But Shinobu-kun didn’t have to know about that.
…I could no longer be with him, but I said I would be on his side. I told him that I would support his relationship with Luna-san.
I guess Shinobu-kun would be happy about being able to stay with everyone? Even if I wasn’t part of it, even if I couldn’t see that beloved smile anymore, as long as he is happy… That alone was happiness for me too.
“Hijiri-chan.”
Kaoru-san suddenly raised a trembling voice that cut into my thoughts.
“Why are you separating yourself from Shinobu-sama? Shinobu-sama is treating both you and me preciously. He even allowed us to be by his side. Yet… Why? I am certain that Shinobu-sama will be saddened…”
“He’ll be fine without me. He has Luna-san with him. I’ll only cause troubles by staying at his side. It would be just my selfishness. Besides, I still have you, right? That’s enough for me.”
Even while speaking out these words, Shinobu-kun’s gentle smile floated in my head.
“…No good.”
On that day, when Elni’s magic trick failed and I was handcuffed to Shinobu-kun, he properly told me that he loved Luna-san.
Despite that, I wished to remained handcuffed. I got the feeling that I could stay by his side while still handcuffed and that he would allow it…
“Really, it’s no good…”
I knew I had to wake up from the dream already and that it shouldn’t happen, yet I couldn’t hold back my overflowing tears and the cold drops ran down my cheek while a weeping left my mouth…
* * *
Let’s stay friends— Could have the current result been avoided, if I had said these words clearly?
In the last few days, my relationship with Hijiri had returned to simple classmates. Meanwhile Hijiri was surrounded by students like always and I couldn’t enter that circle.
Besides, the fact that Hijiri rejected my extended hand amidst the rain a few days ago tightened my chest and unable to get her sad expression from that time out of my head, I got the feeling that I would hurt her again if I was near her, so today again I went to school with heavy steps without having come up with words to tell her.
After separating with Machina at the classroom, I absent-minded watched the cloudy sky from the window in the hallway until classes started.
At that time, I suddenly spotted Hijiri, surrounded by students as always, in the corner of my vision.
When she noticed me, she smiled incredible gentle, but that expression just looked so sad. Like always I searched for words to tell her, whereas she continued her chit-chat with the other students and disappeared into the classroom like that…
What grazed my head was the innocent smile she showed before.
The brilliant smile when she rushed over to me right after separating from the others.
Her dignified eyes that charmed me every time.
All of these might never be directed at me again.
…Would our relationship end like this and Hijiri turn into a simple stranger? Would the pain I was feeling in my chest vanish at some point?
If the regret and sadness vanished without a trait some day and even my memories ended up fading away, that would be really…
There I returned to the classroom and then thought about such things during class, so before I noticed it, it was lunch break.
Today Asada and Minami gathered at Machina and my desks and while we all were eating our lunch, everyone without exception leaked a sigh in succession, filling the air around me with sad sighs.
“Hah…” from me.
“Fuh…” from Machina.
“Aww…” from Asada.
“Oh no…” from Minami.
Hearing these voices, everyone grew even more gloomy and I sighed again.
“Hah…” from me.
“Fuhn.” from Asada.
“Yahn.” from Minami.
“Noo” from Asada.
“Iyahn” from Minami.
For some reason, Asada and Minami leaked bewitching voices from midway on, continuing even further.
“Uhn, not, there.”
“Me too, Ahn, can’t take it, there.”
“Stop, Uhn, already, Ahh, Orangelo-san.”
“Kyaa, please, don’t tease me, my Queen.”
“Fufu, for saying ‘stop’ and ‘don’t tease me’ you both look rather happy. Fine. I’ll tease you some more— wait, no! Why are you both leaking weird voices! Besides, why are you saying my name! Minami even said Queen!”
“I mean, Nanjou just isn’t retorting and not even paying attention to me, so I’m lonely. You’re the only one left, Orangelo-san…”
“Same for me. Shinobu-chan isn’t showing any reactions, I recently don’t get the change to eat with Gogyou-san, Shinobu-chan feels down lately and Gogyou-san isn’t in the classroom during breaks since she’s busy, so you’re the only one I can go to for attention, Orangelo-san.”
Asada and Minami each leaked these words and looked at me slightly worried. But when he saw my non-reaction, Asada shrugged his shoulders lightly and changed the topic.
“But I gotta say, a lunch break without Gogyou-san sure is painful. Usually I had her smile as a side-dish… wait, I’m just joking, so don’t glare at me, Orangelo-san, Minami. But well, Gogyou-san is running for the student president election, so there’s nothing we can do.”
“Student president? Hijiri is?”
As she didn’t know, Machina faintly widened her eyes on Asada’s words, whereupon Minami dropped her shoulders and explained.
“You see, Gogyou-san was asked by the current president to succeed the position. She told me about it the other day… but I’m against it. I can’t play with her at all and she’s a bit weird lately.”
Along with a sigh, Minami frowned faintly.
“Guess it’s because she’s busy? She herself might think she’s behaving like always, but as a friend I can tell that’s she’s somewhat absent-minded even in class. I think she’s forcing herself a bit.”
“…She lacks her usual composure.”
Hearing Minami, Asada interjected with an unusual serious face.
“From what I can tell, she’s forcing herself. Gogyou-san is pretty and has a strong sense of responsibility, so she’s admired by everyone, but she might not have anyone she can rely on at harsh times. But…”
With still a serious expression, Asada suddenly faced me.
“Nanjou, wouldn’t you be able to help her, since you two were together a lot?”
Asada’s soft tone strongly tightened my chest.
When I was at a loss for words and didn’t reply, Asada scratched his cheek lightly, then tried to change the topic somewhat awkwardly
“Ehm, well, you know, your troubled face is rather cute, Nanjou. Can I kiss it?”
by cracking one of his usual jokes.
Upon hearing Asada’s joke, Minami raised a protesting voice right away.
“K- Kiss him… What are you thinking, Asada-kun! Don’t do anything weird to Shinobu-chan! I’ll be the one to kiss him!”
“Hey! Same to you, Minami, what are you thinking! Get away from Shinobu!”
Minami tried to hug onto me. Machina hastily stopped her. As for Asada, he kept telling jokes to lift the gloomy atmosphere and both, Minami and Machina each retorted to it.
…Surely they were all concerned about me.
Their behaviour that was more lively than usual seemed like they wanted to make the depressed me laugh and while I watched their faces, my chest got a little bit lighter.
Before I noticed it, I was spilling a small smile and spent a somewhat nice lunch break with that lively atmosphere….
The chime tolled the end of the break and our homeroom teacher Hiiragi Akane showed up, whereas Hijiri was absent from the classroom for some reason and even now her seat remained empty.
When Hiiragi-sensei tilted her head upon noticing that, everyone in class seemed to notice Hijiri’s absence as well and a small commotion rose in the classroom.
“…What happened to Gogyou-san?” “So she isn’t back yet.” “I heard that she collapsed in the hallway at the end of lunch break.” “…For real?” “I didn’t know at all.” “Is Gogyou-san okay?” “Seems she’s resting in the infirmary now.”
…Hijiri collapsed?
I faintly heard the conversation of my classmates. Bit by bit, worry spread in my chest and when I grimaced, Machina placed her hand on my shoulder with a plop.
“Shinobu, if you’re worried, why don’t you go check upon Hijiri? I’ll properly take notes for you.”
“…Thanks, please do.”
When I stood up by saying so, Hiiragi-sensei looked at me doubtful.
“Nanjou-kun, what’s the matter?”
“I feel bad, so I’m going to the infirmary.”
“Eh? Then should I accompany you?”
“No, I’ll manage.”
“But from what the other says, Gogyou-san also seems to be— wait, Nanjou-kun?”
I heard Hiiragi-sensei’s confused voice behind me, but I rushed out of the classroom guilty, down the hallway. Following, I went down the stairs and opened the door of the infirmary hurried.
There was the nurse in her white coat. Seeing me, she faintly frowned.
“…Full of energy, aren’t we. I could hear your running all the way here. Are you skipping?”
“Well, in a way I am, but I heard that Hijiri collapsed…”
“Hijiri? Ahh… You mean Gogyou-san. She’s sleeping on a bed right now, but are you a friend of hers?”
“I consider myself one.”
“I see, then that’s good.”
When I nodded without hesitation, the nurse quietly stood up from her chair.
“Earlier I called her home and her older sister will come to pick her up. But I have to drop by the staff room for a bit and also tell her homeroom teacher Hiiragi-sensei about it, so could you look after Gogyou-san for a while?”
Most likely Hijiri’s older sister meant Kaorun. When I responded affirmative, the nurse waved her hand lightly with “If someone comes by in the meantime, tell them to wait until I’m back” and left the infirmary.
After seeing her off, I moved to the back of the room, whereupon I could confirm Hijiri sleeping on a bed there.
She certainly must have been unwell. Her complexion didn’t look well and her sleeping face had a faint weariness. And while breathing painfully,
“…Shinobu-kun.”
Hijiri isolated leaked my name from her mouth, as she was sleep talking, and tears dwelled up in her closed eyes.
I hated that I couldn’t do anything despite that, so I just bit onto my lips and clenched my fists.
At that time, the door of the infirmary opened and a somewhat pale Kaorun showed up, as she came to pick up Hijiri. When she noticed me, her expression softened and she smiled while quietly coming over to me.
“You were staying by her side, I see.”
“…Just for a bit. Sorry. I only came to know about it minutes ago.”
“Nevertheless, you slipped out of class and came to check on Hijiri-chan, correct? Thank you. I am sure Hijiri is pleased about that too.”
Lightly bowing down, Kaorun moved toward Hijiri… and right away her expression clouded. For a while she kept her mouth shut then, but she slowly started to leak words with hesitation.
“…The other day, Hijiri-chan told me that you rejected her. Not complaining, nor shedding tears, she just smiled and said ‘I’ll trouble Shinobu-kun, so I have to separate myself from him’. She kept hiding her true feelings… What a troublesome girl.”
While saying so, Kaorun gently placed her hand against Hijiri’s cheek.
“Actually even Hijiri-chan should be wishing for staying at your side if only as friends. But mostly likely the rejection struck her hard.”
While petting Hijiri’s head, Kaorun frowned and continued.
“As far as I can see, she thinks that she will end up crying and troubling you when she stays by your side, so she is keeping herself busy to forget you and took it upon herself to take a distance, but she noticed that doing so was painful for you… and it became unbearable for her.”
Even while spinning her words softly, tears were faintly dwelling up in her eyes.
“She must be thinking of doing something for, paying you back or at least support you from the shadows. Lately she kept increasing her exorcist jobs.”
“Exorcist jobs too? Even though she already has the election… Why?”
“Hijiri-chan strongly forbid me to speak about this, but actually—”
Before Kaorun could continue her words there, the door opened once again and this time the nurse showed up together with Hiiragi-sensei, whatever happened to the class.
Upon that, Kaorun secretly brought her face closer to mine.
“Shinobu-sama, please leave Hijiri-chan to me.”
Changing her words, she whispered quietly.
“I promised you the other day, remember? I will give my best to allow you two to get back to your previous relationship. Please wait a bit longer.”
Saying so and somewhat forcing a smile, Kaorun parted from me and headed for the teachers. After a simple greeting then, they started to talk.
When I listened to it, the nurse spoke about her own diagnose “Gogyou-san likely collapsed due to fatigue.” and Hiiragi-sensei apparently had turned the class into self-study. While I carried Hijiri on my back to Kaorun’s car after that,
“I hope Gogyou-san will get better quickly…”
Hiiragi-sensei, walking besides Kaorun, showed a worried expression with that from the beginning to end.
After seeing off Kaorun and Hijiri leaving the school in the car then, I returned to the classroom with heavy steps together with Hiiragi-sensei. On the way— I suddenly raised my face to the sky.
…Kaorun told me that Hijiri was increasing her exorcist workload, because she wanted to do something for me. But in the end, I couldn’t figure out how the exorcist jobs were paying me back.
What should I do from now on? Should I take Kaorun up on her words and simply wait?
What I truly wanted to do.
The feeling in my chest.
Probably because I averted my eyes from my own dream, even though I had a wish I wanted to come true, the sky in my vision looked incredibly clouded, just like this morning…
* * *
During the next few days, I couldn’t sleep well.
Regardless of her collapse at school, Hijiri didn’t lower the amount of her jobs and lately the fatigue in her expression became obvious. Everyone in class was worried too, but Hijiri just created a smile with “I’m fine” and immersed herself into even more work without lending an ear… I couldn’t do anything for her.
Even now Hijiri’s words of rejection skimmed through my head. They weighted down my heart and feet and the days went on while I simply waited like Kaorun told me to.
Then one day after school.
When I reached our home road with Machina like always, she started talking somewhat sad on this quiet residential street.
“Even though she was with you so often, lately Hijiri isn’t coming over at all…”
Temporarily stopping her words and looking at me, Machina continued hesitant.
“I guess you rejected her confession?”
When I replied with a small nod to that question, Machina asked even further.
“You can’t stay friends with her?”
Machina’s eyes, looking at me, were faintly flickering. But when I replied nothing back, she cast her face down and mumbled with a sigh.
“…Humans are so complicated. The demon realm has polygamy, so you can stay with your beloved ones forever…”
Can stay with your beloved ones forever.
For some reason these words remained in my heart and at some point we both closed our mouths and resumed heading for the house wordless, whereupon I suddenly spotted a familiar woman at the crossroad we passed through.
That person was Tachibana-san, who was the observer for Hijiri’s previous exorcist test.
When Tachibana-san noticed us, she made a single bow with refined movements. I lowered my head a bit then as well, whereupon she called out to me with a small, but obvious wondering voice.
“Excellent timing. I was just on my way to meet you, Nanjou-dono.”
“Me? You need something?”
“Yes. Well…”
After pausing her words faintly, Tachibana-san showed a complex expression.
“In place of Hijiri-sama, I will be instructing you about the exorcist training from today on, Nanjou-dono.”
“You will? Why so suddenly?”
“…Hijiri-sama personally asked me to. She is circumvented at present. The amount of her exorcist jobs increased compared to before and she is working hard to raise her position as an exorcist. I believe… it is for your sake, Nanjou-dono.”
For me? When I was confused about the unexpected words, Tachibana-san shifted her gaze to Machina and opened her mouth again after a short hesitation.
“Nanjou-dono, you are not aware about how much effort Hijiri-sama puts into making the organisation acknowledge devils and hybrids devils, like the one next to you, right?”
With a serious tone, Tachibana-san told me so, albeit a bit hesitant.
“The exorcist organisation still takes a cautious stand against devils, like the one at your side. It is more than likely that the exorcists will make their move upon an incident. Hijiri-sama fears that and is exerting all of her powers to prevent that by all means.”
I knew nothing of that.
Until now, Hijiri had always protected Luna and the others from the shadows. Even after taking her distance from me, she continued to…
—Shinobu-kun, would you be happy if you can stay with Luna-san and the other from now on?
—Then I’ll try even harder at my job.
—I’m sure it’ll be fine when you tell Luna-san your feelings. It’ll definitely go well. I’ll… support you. I’ll make them… accept you two. From now on, I’ll always… always… be on your side, Shinobu-kun…
Suddenly many words that Hijiri had said so far floated in the back of my mind.
Try harder at the job.
Support.
Make them acknowledge.
Understanding the true meaning of these words at this point, my chest got incredible hot and my clenched fists trembled.
Amidst that, Tachibana-san softly clapped my shoulder without saying anything more, then slowly walked away, whereas Machina for some reason bit down on her lips and cast down her face again…
* * *
After returning home, I forgot to train my body and even during dinner and after my bath, my sleep derived mind continued to think… about Hijiri.
But no matter how much I pondered, my anguish didn’t vanish and I absent-minded stared at the ceiling of my room to give my thoughts a break while sitting on my bed.
Upon that, a small knock on the door sounded
“Shinobu-san, do you have a moment?”
and along with these words, Luna showed up in the room.
When she looked at my face, she showed a slightly worried expression, but she still approached me and sat down next to me.
“…Lately, you look a bit down, Shinobu-san. As I thought, something happened? If anything is troubling you, I can listen to you.”
Opening her mouth reserved, Luna showed me her usual smile. While I was hesitant to take her up on her words, Luna softly and gentle overlapped her hand with mine.
“The other day, when we were together on my way home from my job, you told me: ‘If you feel like grumbling, I’ll listen to you anytime’. I feel the same. If you want to talk, I will listen anytime. It does not need to be now, if you do not want to talk about it. Please let me hear it when you feel like talking.”
Even while knitting her brows worried, Luna didn’t break her smile.
My heart was moved by her feelings and warmth of her hand.
“…Hijiri is forcing herself these days.”
Before I noticed it, my heavy lips had opened.
“She collapsed once at school, yet she increases her exorcist jobs, even though she’s already busy with the student council election. She keeps forcing herself… and always looks so strained.”
“You cannot help her?”
“…Due to some stuff, there’s a distance between us now. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s okay for me to be by her side.”
I squeezed out the words along with grinding my teeth. They echoed in the empty room and after a short while,
“…What do you want to do, Shinobu-san?”
Luna lightly increased the strength in her palm on my hand.
“Are you fine with giving up like this and letting go of something precious?”
Luna continued her words with a soft, yet strong voice.
“I do not want you to give up. I do not want you to regret having done nothing. It might not turn out well even when you advance without giving up. It might get harsh or painful. Despite that, I want you to advance in whatever form.”
After looking straight into my eyes, Luna tightly embraced me.
“Whatever the result will be, I will be on your side. So please, do not give up. You will surely regret it when you turn your back to your feelings.”
…Luna’s words and body were really warm and my hesitation gradually faded.
But a faint bit remained in my chest. Even after Luna left the room, I couldn’t get rid of it and I stared at my cell phone on the desk, whereupon
“Good evening, Shinobu-sama.”
I suddenly heard Kaorun’s voice, if only quietly.
It was the alarm clock she previously gave me. I didn’t remember setting the alarm, but I could hear a different voice than before from it.
“I know it was rude of me, but I allowed myself to trespass into your room today. I recorded this at that time. I am conducting remodelling right now, so it will take a few minutes, but let me be frank…”
There her words temporarily stopped and after a long silence,
“…Please help Hijiri-chan.”
Kaorun’s horrible trembling voice hit my earlobes.
“Forgive me. I promised to help you about letting Hijiri-chan stay by your side, regardless of your answer, and asked you to wait, yet… I could not do anything in the end.”
Speaking out words of apology once more, her voice started to tremble even more.
“Hijiri-chan does not listen to whatever I have to say and I assume that she cannot give up and forget you, yet she keeps increasing her workload while ignoring the state of her body and gets injured. At this rate, one day…”
Finally her voice started to mingle with sobbing, but Kaorun continued while suppressing it.
“Hijiri-chan is certainly popular at school. She has a lot of people around her. But she has no one to support her. Others only ever rely on her. Therefore Hijiri-chan behaves dignified and helps everyone. Amongst that…”
Slowly, her words afflicted my chest.
“You were the first one, Shinobu-sama, who Hijiri-chan pursued and fawned on. It is frustrating, but… with my strength alone… I cannot help Hijiri-chan. I beg you, please stay by her side. She is going out for a job tonight again. The destination is—”
After that Kaorun’s voice told me where Hijiri had a job tonight and before the room became silent again— I rushed outside.
Hijiri always engulfed everyone with her dignified kindness. Everyone relied and admired her, but just who would be there for her when she was suffering?
When Kaorun were her only support and Hijiri only relied on her, then I couldn’t stay still.
My running speed gradually increased.
My head was full of Hijiri.
Hijiri kept working hard to change the exorcist organisation to make them acknowledge Kaorun as her family, thus fulfilling her promise with her.
At the sea side school, when I observed her fieldwork, Hijiri’s family circumstances were exposed to Minami and even now Hijiri showed an expression close to tears.
…Just when did I start thinking that I wanted to help Hijiri?
The more I got to know about her, the greater got my feeling to help her and it was surely the sports festival that completely stabilized that feeling.
On that day, Hijiri took the hand of Kaorun, who tried to leave the family, and held it firmly. Kaorun and Hijiri wanted to change the exorcist organisation from the bottom of their hearts.
When I witnessed their dream becoming one on that day, I certainly felt the desire to see their dream realized.
It gave birth to a new dream inside me.
I couldn’t afford to let go off this dream now and let it vanish after giving up.
The overflowing feelings in my chest pushed me forward and running through the dark city at night, I headed for the place Kaorun told me while breathing hard. When I spotted the two of them there, I was at a loss for words for a short moment.
Under the light of the moon and streetlights, Hijiri was leaning on Kaorun’s shoulder and there were various bruises on her legs and arms while blood seeped through her bandages, wounds she probably received during her job. Her expression was powerless and the usual dignified radiance was nowhere to be seen.
…Why did I keep averting my eyes until it came to this?
When Hijiri noticed me, she showed the same incredible gentle smile like before, then shifted her gaze to Kaorun.
“Did you call over Shinobu-kun, Kaoru-san?”
“…I believed it was necessary for you.”
Replying so, Kaorun softly separated herself from Hijiri.
On the other hand, I straight went for Hijiri. My chest was filled with various feelings I wanted to tell her. Looking into her eyes, I quietly started talking.
“I heard from Tachibana-san. You were always protecting Luna and Machina so far. And I also heard from Kaorun that you’re forcing yourself.”
“…I see. They both spilled the beans.”
Even while leaking a faint sigh, Hijiri continued with a “But” without changing her expression.
“I’m not forcing myself. Luna-san and Machina-san are my friends, so doing this much is only natural. Besides, I need more achievements to change the exorcist organisation. It’s nothing for you to worry about, Shinobu-kun. This job is necessary for me.”
“Still, you don’t need to take it up on your own.”
“Thanks for worrying about me. But I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
“…Even if you’re okay, I… can’t bear it.”
Like always, Hijiri’s smile was just affixed.
I couldn’t bear seeing that forced smile while she clenched her fist and was desperate to support herself.
“Repeatedly pushing yourself until you’re that injured and smiling sadly like that… I can’t leave you alone like that. I always had difficulties, but I have decided now.”
Adjusting my slightly grazed voice, I clearly told her my feelings.
“Whatever happens from now on, I’ll support you. I’ll help you. I’ll continue to protect you. I won’t ever take my eyes off you again.”
“…What, are you saying? You can’t, Shinobu-kun. The one you want to protect isn’t me, but Luna-san, right? You can’t concern yourself with me.”
“Hijiri, I’m not aiming to be an exorcist for Luna’s sake, but because I want to see the moment your and Kaorun’s dream comes true together with you. I definitely will become an exorcist and support your dream.”
“Becoming an exorcist… for that kind of reason… is ridiculous. Your wish is… to stay together with Luna-san, right? I’ll do something about Luna-san and Machina-san. Therefore, you… don’t have to… become an exorcist…”
“Whatever you say, I don’t plan to change my mind. Even if you take your distance from me, even if you reject me numerous times, even if you come to hate me, I’ll help you. Like you did for me, I’ll continue to support you from the shadows.”
“…I’m far weaker from what you think.”
Along with a trembling voice, her fabricated expression gradually changed into a crying face.
“I’m sure it’ll be really tough to support me.”
“Leaving you alone is even tougher.”
“I might act really spoiled towards you?”
“I don’t mind.”
“I might cry in front of you when I’m in pain.”
“Then I’ll be by your side until you stop crying.”
“…I might… cause you a lot… of troubles…”
“I’ll accept all of it.”
“You might… come to… hate…”
“That will never happen.”
I asserted her firmly and spun my feelings.
“Act spoiled and cry all you want, I won’t consider it troubles. I’ll never come to hate you.”
I reached out my hand that was rejected once towards Hijiri without hesitation.
“I told you, whatever happens from now on, I’ll continue to support you. So, don’t cry by yourself. Don’t get hurt by yourself. You don’t have to shoulder everything by yourself. From now on, you can rely on me.”
“…Thank… you…”
Smiling fragile, Hijiri repeated “Thank you”.
“I was… no good without you. I didn’t notice my own weakness, kept forcing myself and made Kaoru-san worry and sad. But, with you by my side, I’ll be fine…”
While spilling big tears from her eyes, Hijiri wrapped up my hand with both her hands.
“I want to you to help us with our childish-like dream of changing the exorcist organisation.”
“Yeah, until the end. Your dream is mine too. Let’s realize that dream… together.”
“Yeah… Yeah… I want to support you too. I’ll give my best so that Luna-san and the others can stay by your side. So, please stay by my side too.”
“…With you by my side, there’s no longer anything to be afraid of.”
Sentimental words.
Tears overflowed from Hijiri’s eyes without end and she raised a small crying voice, clinging to me like that. And I softly embraced her warmth on my body.
As to connect the unravelled strings of our bonds with my own warmth, I tightly, but gentle embraced her closely for good.
Amidst that, Kaorun, in the corner of my vision, had warm tears flowing down her cheeks just like Hijiri while she watched over us….
* * *
The somewhat bright lights of the houses were visible from the car window. Kaorun sat on the driving seat in the peaceful inside of the car. Hijiri was on the passenger seat. As for me, I leaned my back into the backseat.
After finishing my talk with Hijiri, Kaorun said she would drive me back home, so I got into the car on her urges, but for a while now my eyelids were heavy, as I didn’t get much sleep lately.
While rubbing my eyes for the time being, I fought against the sleepiness, but at some point my consciousness faded and the conversation between Hijiri and Kaorun grew distant.
“I must say, I am really glad. Now you can always stay by Shinobu-sama’s side.”
“Yeah, it’s thanks to you, Kaoru-san. Thanks. Also, sorry for worrying you. Are you willing to support me from now on as well?”
“I intended to do so from the beginning. After all, I am your older sister. You can call me ‘Kaoru-oneechan’ if you want.”
“…Kaoru-san, how about I postpone that for after we realized our dream? I think it’s a good motivation.”
“Fufu, good idea. Let us work hard together.”
Kaorun and Hijiri were talking happily like that… but I was done for. I was too sleepy. I wouldn’t last until home…
“By the way, Hijiri-chan, it suddenly occurred to me, you and Shinobu-sama are now supporting each other, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s right. It kind of makes me really happy.”
“…However, supporting each other is already a deeper relationship than friends.”
“Eh? Is that so?”
“Yes. In fact, it would be no exaggeration to call you his lover now.”
“L- Lover!? Really!?”
“Yes, I believe Shinobu-sama will agree.”
“Mhm~ But will Luna-san allow that?”
“I am sure she will— wait, Hijiri-chan!? Did you take me serious!? Just to tell you, I was joking about the lover part.”
“…I hope Luna-san allows it.”
“She is not listening!?”
I got the feeling that Kaorun was making some kind of ruckus and was doubtful, but I couldn’t maintain my consciousness and fell asleep like that…
Chapter 04: Tied Strings of Bonds
—An exorcists or a devil, that doesn’t matter to me. For me, you, Luna and Machina are just cute girls. And there’s no need to be scared of such.
The words Shinobu-kun once told me.
The smile he showed me.
Even now they remained in my heart without fading.
In the car Kaoru-san was driving, I remembered Shinobu-kun’s words and smile while I watched the quiet and dark street through the window.
…Back then, I was really happy.
As a kid, I wanted to help my precious friend and showed my exorcist powers, whereupon she cried with “Monster” while looking at me. Weird rumours spread at school, I became alone and I thought it would turn out like this again if I ever showed my powers again.
But Shinobu-kun was different.
Actually I was somewhat prepared for it when I showed my powers in front of him.
But Shinobu-kun tried to protect Luna-san, even though she was a devil, and wasn’t the least bit scared of me.
I found it strange and it weighted on my mind, so at some point my eyes were chasing him. Everyone was saying he was a scary person, but I noticed that he was actually kind and felt that he resembled Kaoru-san a bit… I wondered when it was that I fell in love with him?
“…It was the first time a boy called me cute…”
His behaviour to hide his red cheeks when embarrassed.
His big, warm hand that petted my head.
The gentle smile he suddenly showed.
I found all of that lovely. On days I could see him, I was happy and on days I couldn’t, I was always thinking of him.
Therefore I noticed right away that he had feelings for Luna-san, by observing his attitude, speech and conduct. But I couldn’t give up. I troubled him by pushing my selfish dream on him. I… made my beloved person sad.
The other day, when thunder was echoing, Shinobu-kun came to pick me up out of worry and wanted to stay friends with me, yet… I could only shake off his kindness.
The hand he extended was kind of shaking and the lips he bit onto, enduring something, just looked sorrowful…
But if I stayed at his side like this, I was sure that I would act spoiled towards him again, bother him and cause trouble… If that continued, I believed that he would come to hate me some day.
That would be by far more painful.
But, actually…
At some point tears were seeping out. When I wiped them away secretly, Kaoru-san, who was driving the car, said isolated.
“…Hijiri-chan, could you decrease your workload a little bit?”
Suddenly facing me, Kaoru-san knit her brows worried.
“You are running for the student council election, right? You are already busy as it is and if you increase your exorcist jobs any more than this, your body will break down.”
“Sorry, Kaoru-san. It’s better that way now.”
By getting busy, I could forget a lot of things.
“Besides, I have to accomplish achievements while I can.”
“…Is that for Shinobu-sama’s sake?”
“It’s for you as well.”
Not denying it in particular, I forced myself to smile.
I certainly was thinking of changing the exorcist organisation to make them acknowledge Kaoru-san as my family. But that wasn’t all to it. It involved Luna-san and Machina-san too. But Shinobu-kun didn’t have to know about that.
…I could no longer be with him, but I said I would be on his side. I told him that I would support his relationship with Luna-san.
I guess Shinobu-kun would be happy about being able to stay with everyone? Even if I wasn’t part of it, even if I couldn’t see that beloved smile anymore, as long as he is happy… That alone was happiness for me too.
“Hijiri-chan.”
Kaoru-san suddenly raised a trembling voice that cut into my thoughts.
“Why are you separating yourself from Shinobu-sama? Shinobu-sama is treating both you and me preciously. He even allowed us to be by his side. Yet… Why? I am certain that Shinobu-sama will be saddened…”
“He’ll be fine without me. He has Luna-san with him. I’ll only cause troubles by staying at his side. It would be just my selfishness. Besides, I still have you, right? That’s enough for me.”
Even while speaking out these words, Shinobu-kun’s gentle smile floated in my head.
“…No good.”
On that day, when Elni’s magic trick failed and I was handcuffed to Shinobu-kun, he properly told me that he loved Luna-san.
Despite that, I wished to remained handcuffed. I got the feeling that I could stay by his side while still handcuffed and that he would allow it…
“Really, it’s no good…”
I knew I had to wake up from the dream already and that it shouldn’t happen, yet I couldn’t hold back my overflowing tears and the cold drops ran down my cheek while a weeping left my mouth…
* * *
Let’s stay friends— Could have the current result been avoided, if I had said these words clearly?
In the last few days, my relationship with Hijiri had returned to simple classmates. Meanwhile Hijiri was surrounded by students like always and I couldn’t enter that circle.
Besides, the fact that Hijiri rejected my extended hand amidst the rain a few days ago tightened my chest and unable to get her sad expression from that time out of my head, I got the feeling that I would hurt her again if I was near her, so today again I went to school with heavy steps without having come up with words to tell her.
After separating with Machina at the classroom, I absent-minded watched the cloudy sky from the window in the hallway until classes started.
At that time, I suddenly spotted Hijiri, surrounded by students as always, in the corner of my vision.
When she noticed me, she smiled incredible gentle, but that expression just looked so sad. Like always I searched for words to tell her, whereas she continued her chit-chat with the other students and disappeared into the classroom like that…
What grazed my head was the innocent smile she showed before.
The brilliant smile when she rushed over to me right after separating from the others.
Her dignified eyes that charmed me every time.
All of these might never be directed at me again.
…Would our relationship end like this and Hijiri turn into a simple stranger? Would the pain I was feeling in my chest vanish at some point?
If the regret and sadness vanished without a trait some day and even my memories ended up fading away, that would be really…
There I returned to the classroom and then thought about such things during class, so before I noticed it, it was lunch break.
Today Asada and Minami gathered at Machina and my desks and while we all were eating our lunch, everyone without exception leaked a sigh in succession, filling the air around me with sad sighs.
“Hah…” from me.
“Fuh…” from Machina.
“Aww…” from Asada.
“Oh no…” from Minami.
Hearing these voices, everyone grew even more gloomy and I sighed again.
“Hah…” from me.
“Fuhn.” from Asada.
“Yahn.” from Minami.
“Noo” from Asada.
“Iyahn” from Minami.
For some reason, Asada and Minami leaked bewitching voices from midway on, continuing even further.
“Uhn, not, there.”
“Me too, Ahn, can’t take it, there.”
“Stop, Uhn, already, Ahh, Orangelo-san.”
“Kyaa, please, don’t tease me, my Queen.”
“Fufu, for saying ‘stop’ and ‘don’t tease me’ you both look rather happy. Fine. I’ll tease you some more— wait, no! Why are you both leaking weird voices! Besides, why are you saying my name! Minami even said Queen!”
“I mean, Nanjou just isn’t retorting and not even paying attention to me, so I’m lonely. You’re the only one left, Orangelo-san…”
“Same for me. Shinobu-chan isn’t showing any reactions, I recently don’t get the change to eat with Gogyou-san, Shinobu-chan feels down lately and Gogyou-san isn’t in the classroom during breaks since she’s busy, so you’re the only one I can go to for attention, Orangelo-san.”
Asada and Minami each leaked these words and looked at me slightly worried. But when he saw my non-reaction, Asada shrugged his shoulders lightly and changed the topic.
“But I gotta say, a lunch break without Gogyou-san sure is painful. Usually I had her smile as a side-dish… wait, I’m just joking, so don’t glare at me, Orangelo-san, Minami. But well, Gogyou-san is running for the student president election, so there’s nothing we can do.”
“Student president? Hijiri is?”
As she didn’t know, Machina faintly widened her eyes on Asada’s words, whereupon Minami dropped her shoulders and explained.
“You see, Gogyou-san was asked by the current president to succeed the position. She told me about it the other day… but I’m against it. I can’t play with her at all and she’s a bit weird lately.”
Along with a sigh, Minami frowned faintly.
“Guess it’s because she’s busy? She herself might think she’s behaving like always, but as a friend I can tell that’s she’s somewhat absent-minded even in class. I think she’s forcing herself a bit.”
“…She lacks her usual composure.”
Hearing Minami, Asada interjected with an unusual serious face.
“From what I can tell, she’s forcing herself. Gogyou-san is pretty and has a strong sense of responsibility, so she’s admired by everyone, but she might not have anyone she can rely on at harsh times. But…”
With still a serious expression, Asada suddenly faced me.
“Nanjou, wouldn’t you be able to help her, since you two were together a lot?”
Asada’s soft tone strongly tightened my chest.
When I was at a loss for words and didn’t reply, Asada scratched his cheek lightly, then tried to change the topic somewhat awkwardly
“Ehm, well, you know, your troubled face is rather cute, Nanjou. Can I kiss it?”
by cracking one of his usual jokes.
Upon hearing Asada’s joke, Minami raised a protesting voice right away.
“K- Kiss him… What are you thinking, Asada-kun! Don’t do anything weird to Shinobu-chan! I’ll be the one to kiss him!”
“Hey! Same to you, Minami, what are you thinking! Get away from Shinobu!”
Minami tried to hug onto me. Machina hastily stopped her. As for Asada, he kept telling jokes to lift the gloomy atmosphere and both, Minami and Machina each retorted to it.
…Surely they were all concerned about me.
Their behaviour that was more lively than usual seemed like they wanted to make the depressed me laugh and while I watched their faces, my chest got a little bit lighter.
Before I noticed it, I was spilling a small smile and spent a somewhat nice lunch break with that lively atmosphere….
The chime tolled the end of the break and our homeroom teacher Hiiragi Akane showed up, whereas Hijiri was absent from the classroom for some reason and even now her seat remained empty.
When Hiiragi-sensei tilted her head upon noticing that, everyone in class seemed to notice Hijiri’s absence as well and a small commotion rose in the classroom.
“…What happened to Gogyou-san?” “So she isn’t back yet.” “I heard that she collapsed in the hallway at the end of lunch break.” “…For real?” “I didn’t know at all.” “Is Gogyou-san okay?” “Seems she’s resting in the infirmary now.”
…Hijiri collapsed?
I faintly heard the conversation of my classmates. Bit by bit, worry spread in my chest and when I grimaced, Machina placed her hand on my shoulder with a plop.
“Shinobu, if you’re worried, why don’t you go check upon Hijiri? I’ll properly take notes for you.”
“…Thanks, please do.”
When I stood up by saying so, Hiiragi-sensei looked at me doubtful.
“Nanjou-kun, what’s the matter?”
“I feel bad, so I’m going to the infirmary.”
“Eh? Then should I accompany you?”
“No, I’ll manage.”
“But from what the other says, Gogyou-san also seems to be— wait, Nanjou-kun?”
I heard Hiiragi-sensei’s confused voice behind me, but I rushed out of the classroom guilty, down the hallway. Following, I went down the stairs and opened the door of the infirmary hurried.
There was the nurse in her white coat. Seeing me, she faintly frowned.
“…Full of energy, aren’t we. I could hear your running all the way here. Are you skipping?”
“Well, in a way I am, but I heard that Hijiri collapsed…”
“Hijiri? Ahh… You mean Gogyou-san. She’s sleeping on a bed right now, but are you a friend of hers?”
“I consider myself one.”
“I see, then that’s good.”
When I nodded without hesitation, the nurse quietly stood up from her chair.
“Earlier I called her home and her older sister will come to pick her up. But I have to drop by the staff room for a bit and also tell her homeroom teacher Hiiragi-sensei about it, so could you look after Gogyou-san for a while?”
Most likely Hijiri’s older sister meant Kaorun. When I responded affirmative, the nurse waved her hand lightly with “If someone comes by in the meantime, tell them to wait until I’m back” and left the infirmary.
After seeing her off, I moved to the back of the room, whereupon I could confirm Hijiri sleeping on a bed there.
She certainly must have been unwell. Her complexion didn’t look well and her sleeping face had a faint weariness. And while breathing painfully,
“…Shinobu-kun.”
Hijiri isolated leaked my name from her mouth, as she was sleep talking, and tears dwelled up in her closed eyes.
I hated that I couldn’t do anything despite that, so I just bit onto my lips and clenched my fists.
At that time, the door of the infirmary opened and a somewhat pale Kaorun showed up, as she came to pick up Hijiri. When she noticed me, her expression softened and she smiled while quietly coming over to me.
“You were staying by her side, I see.”
“…Just for a bit. Sorry. I only came to know about it minutes ago.”
“Nevertheless, you slipped out of class and came to check on Hijiri-chan, correct? Thank you. I am sure Hijiri is pleased about that too.”
Lightly bowing down, Kaorun moved toward Hijiri… and right away her expression clouded. For a while she kept her mouth shut then, but she slowly started to leak words with hesitation.
“…The other day, Hijiri-chan told me that you rejected her. Not complaining, nor shedding tears, she just smiled and said ‘I’ll trouble Shinobu-kun, so I have to separate myself from him’. She kept hiding her true feelings… What a troublesome girl.”
While saying so, Kaorun gently placed her hand against Hijiri’s cheek.
“Actually even Hijiri-chan should be wishing for staying at your side if only as friends. But mostly likely the rejection struck her hard.”
While petting Hijiri’s head, Kaorun frowned and continued.
“As far as I can see, she thinks that she will end up crying and troubling you when she stays by your side, so she is keeping herself busy to forget you and took it upon herself to take a distance, but she noticed that doing so was painful for you… and it became unbearable for her.”
Even while spinning her words softly, tears were faintly dwelling up in her eyes.
“She must be thinking of doing something for, paying you back or at least support you from the shadows. Lately she kept increasing her exorcist jobs.”
“Exorcist jobs too? Even though she already has the election… Why?”
“Hijiri-chan strongly forbid me to speak about this, but actually—”
Before Kaorun could continue her words there, the door opened once again and this time the nurse showed up together with Hiiragi-sensei, whatever happened to the class.
Upon that, Kaorun secretly brought her face closer to mine.
“Shinobu-sama, please leave Hijiri-chan to me.”
Changing her words, she whispered quietly.
“I promised you the other day, remember? I will give my best to allow you two to get back to your previous relationship. Please wait a bit longer.”
Saying so and somewhat forcing a smile, Kaorun parted from me and headed for the teachers. After a simple greeting then, they started to talk.
When I listened to it, the nurse spoke about her own diagnose “Gogyou-san likely collapsed due to fatigue.” and Hiiragi-sensei apparently had turned the class into self-study. While I carried Hijiri on my back to Kaorun’s car after that,
“I hope Gogyou-san will get better quickly…”
Hiiragi-sensei, walking besides Kaorun, showed a worried expression with that from the beginning to end.
After seeing off Kaorun and Hijiri leaving the school in the car then, I returned to the classroom with heavy steps together with Hiiragi-sensei. On the way— I suddenly raised my face to the sky.
…Kaorun told me that Hijiri was increasing her exorcist workload, because she wanted to do something for me. But in the end, I couldn’t figure out how the exorcist jobs were paying me back.
What should I do from now on? Should I take Kaorun up on her words and simply wait?
What I truly wanted to do.
The feeling in my chest.
Probably because I averted my eyes from my own dream, even though I had a wish I wanted to come true, the sky in my vision looked incredibly clouded, just like this morning…
* * *
During the next few days, I couldn’t sleep well.
Regardless of her collapse at school, Hijiri didn’t lower the amount of her jobs and lately the fatigue in her expression became obvious. Everyone in class was worried too, but Hijiri just created a smile with “I’m fine” and immersed herself into even more work without lending an ear… I couldn’t do anything for her.
Even now Hijiri’s words of rejection skimmed through my head. They weighted down my heart and feet and the days went on while I simply waited like Kaorun told me to.
Then one day after school.
When I reached our home road with Machina like always, she started talking somewhat sad on this quiet residential street.
“Even though she was with you so often, lately Hijiri isn’t coming over at all…”
Temporarily stopping her words and looking at me, Machina continued hesitant.
“I guess you rejected her confession?”
When I replied with a small nod to that question, Machina asked even further.
“You can’t stay friends with her?”
Machina’s eyes, looking at me, were faintly flickering. But when I replied nothing back, she cast her face down and mumbled with a sigh.
“…Humans are so complicated. The demon realm has polygamy, so you can stay with your beloved ones forever…”
Can stay with your beloved ones forever.
For some reason these words remained in my heart and at some point we both closed our mouths and resumed heading for the house wordless, whereupon I suddenly spotted a familiar woman at the crossroad we passed through.
That person was Tachibana-san, who was the observer for Hijiri’s previous exorcist test.
When Tachibana-san noticed us, she made a single bow with refined movements. I lowered my head a bit then as well, whereupon she called out to me with a small, but obvious wondering voice.
“Excellent timing. I was just on my way to meet you, Nanjou-dono.”
“Me? You need something?”
“Yes. Well…”
After pausing her words faintly, Tachibana-san showed a complex expression.
“In place of Hijiri-sama, I will be instructing you about the exorcist training from today on, Nanjou-dono.”
“You will? Why so suddenly?”
“…Hijiri-sama personally asked me to. She is circumvented at present. The amount of her exorcist jobs increased compared to before and she is working hard to raise her position as an exorcist. I believe… it is for your sake, Nanjou-dono.”
For me? When I was confused about the unexpected words, Tachibana-san shifted her gaze to Machina and opened her mouth again after a short hesitation.
“Nanjou-dono, you are not aware about how much effort Hijiri-sama puts into making the organisation acknowledge devils and hybrids devils, like the one next to you, right?”
With a serious tone, Tachibana-san told me so, albeit a bit hesitant.
“The exorcist organisation still takes a cautious stand against devils, like the one at your side. It is more than likely that the exorcists will make their move upon an incident. Hijiri-sama fears that and is exerting all of her powers to prevent that by all means.”
I knew nothing of that.
Until now, Hijiri had always protected Luna and the others from the shadows. Even after taking her distance from me, she continued to…
—Shinobu-kun, would you be happy if you can stay with Luna-san and the other from now on?
—Then I’ll try even harder at my job.
—I’m sure it’ll be fine when you tell Luna-san your feelings. It’ll definitely go well. I’ll… support you. I’ll make them… accept you two. From now on, I’ll always… always… be on your side, Shinobu-kun…
Suddenly many words that Hijiri had said so far floated in the back of my mind.
Try harder at the job.
Support.
Make them acknowledge.
Understanding the true meaning of these words at this point, my chest got incredible hot and my clenched fists trembled.
Amidst that, Tachibana-san softly clapped my shoulder without saying anything more, then slowly walked away, whereas Machina for some reason bit down on her lips and cast down her face again…
* * *
After returning home, I forgot to train my body and even during dinner and after my bath, my sleep derived mind continued to think… about Hijiri.
But no matter how much I pondered, my anguish didn’t vanish and I absent-minded stared at the ceiling of my room to give my thoughts a break while sitting on my bed.
Upon that, a small knock on the door sounded
“Shinobu-san, do you have a moment?”
and along with these words, Luna showed up in the room.
When she looked at my face, she showed a slightly worried expression, but she still approached me and sat down next to me.
“…Lately, you look a bit down, Shinobu-san. As I thought, something happened? If anything is troubling you, I can listen to you.”
Opening her mouth reserved, Luna showed me her usual smile. While I was hesitant to take her up on her words, Luna softly and gentle overlapped her hand with mine.
“The other day, when we were together on my way home from my job, you told me: ‘If you feel like grumbling, I’ll listen to you anytime’. I feel the same. If you want to talk, I will listen anytime. It does not need to be now, if you do not want to talk about it. Please let me hear it when you feel like talking.”
Even while knitting her brows worried, Luna didn’t break her smile.
My heart was moved by her feelings and warmth of her hand.
“…Hijiri is forcing herself these days.”
Before I noticed it, my heavy lips had opened.
“She collapsed once at school, yet she increases her exorcist jobs, even though she’s already busy with the student council election. She keeps forcing herself… and always looks so strained.”
“You cannot help her?”
“…Due to some stuff, there’s a distance between us now. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s okay for me to be by her side.”
I squeezed out the words along with grinding my teeth. They echoed in the empty room and after a short while,
“…What do you want to do, Shinobu-san?”
Luna lightly increased the strength in her palm on my hand.
“Are you fine with giving up like this and letting go of something precious?”
Luna continued her words with a soft, yet strong voice.
“I do not want you to give up. I do not want you to regret having done nothing. It might not turn out well even when you advance without giving up. It might get harsh or painful. Despite that, I want you to advance in whatever form.”
After looking straight into my eyes, Luna tightly embraced me.
“Whatever the result will be, I will be on your side. So please, do not give up. You will surely regret it when you turn your back to your feelings.”
…Luna’s words and body were really warm and my hesitation gradually faded.
But a faint bit remained in my chest. Even after Luna left the room, I couldn’t get rid of it and I stared at my cell phone on the desk, whereupon
“Good evening, Shinobu-sama.”
I suddenly heard Kaorun’s voice, if only quietly.
It was the alarm clock she previously gave me. I didn’t remember setting the alarm, but I could hear a different voice than before from it.
“I know it was rude of me, but I allowed myself to trespass into your room today. I recorded this at that time. I am conducting remodelling right now, so it will take a few minutes, but let me be frank…”
There her words temporarily stopped and after a long silence,
“…Please help Hijiri-chan.”
Kaorun’s horrible trembling voice hit my earlobes.
“Forgive me. I promised to help you about letting Hijiri-chan stay by your side, regardless of your answer, and asked you to wait, yet… I could not do anything in the end.”
Speaking out words of apology once more, her voice started to tremble even more.
“Hijiri-chan does not listen to whatever I have to say and I assume that she cannot give up and forget you, yet she keeps increasing her workload while ignoring the state of her body and gets injured. At this rate, one day…”
Finally her voice started to mingle with sobbing, but Kaorun continued while suppressing it.
“Hijiri-chan is certainly popular at school. She has a lot of people around her. But she has no one to support her. Others only ever rely on her. Therefore Hijiri-chan behaves dignified and helps everyone. Amongst that…”
Slowly, her words afflicted my chest.
“You were the first one, Shinobu-sama, who Hijiri-chan pursued and fawned on. It is frustrating, but… with my strength alone… I cannot help Hijiri-chan. I beg you, please stay by her side. She is going out for a job tonight again. The destination is—”
After that Kaorun’s voice told me where Hijiri had a job tonight and before the room became silent again— I rushed outside.
Hijiri always engulfed everyone with her dignified kindness. Everyone relied and admired her, but just who would be there for her when she was suffering?
When Kaorun were her only support and Hijiri only relied on her, then I couldn’t stay still.
My running speed gradually increased.
My head was full of Hijiri.
Hijiri kept working hard to change the exorcist organisation to make them acknowledge Kaorun as her family, thus fulfilling her promise with her.
At the sea side school, when I observed her fieldwork, Hijiri’s family circumstances were exposed to Minami and even now Hijiri showed an expression close to tears.
…Just when did I start thinking that I wanted to help Hijiri?
The more I got to know about her, the greater got my feeling to help her and it was surely the sports festival that completely stabilized that feeling.
On that day, Hijiri took the hand of Kaorun, who tried to leave the family, and held it firmly. Kaorun and Hijiri wanted to change the exorcist organisation from the bottom of their hearts.
When I witnessed their dream becoming one on that day, I certainly felt the desire to see their dream realized.
It gave birth to a new dream inside me.
I couldn’t afford to let go off this dream now and let it vanish after giving up.
The overflowing feelings in my chest pushed me forward and running through the dark city at night, I headed for the place Kaorun told me while breathing hard. When I spotted the two of them there, I was at a loss for words for a short moment.
Under the light of the moon and streetlights, Hijiri was leaning on Kaorun’s shoulder and there were various bruises on her legs and arms while blood seeped through her bandages, wounds she probably received during her job. Her expression was powerless and the usual dignified radiance was nowhere to be seen.
…Why did I keep averting my eyes until it came to this?
When Hijiri noticed me, she showed the same incredible gentle smile like before, then shifted her gaze to Kaorun.
“Did you call over Shinobu-kun, Kaoru-san?”
“…I believed it was necessary for you.”
Replying so, Kaorun softly separated herself from Hijiri.
On the other hand, I straight went for Hijiri. My chest was filled with various feelings I wanted to tell her. Looking into her eyes, I quietly started talking.
“I heard from Tachibana-san. You were always protecting Luna and Machina so far. And I also heard from Kaorun that you’re forcing yourself.”
“…I see. They both spilled the beans.”
Even while leaking a faint sigh, Hijiri continued with a “But” without changing her expression.
“I’m not forcing myself. Luna-san and Machina-san are my friends, so doing this much is only natural. Besides, I need more achievements to change the exorcist organisation. It’s nothing for you to worry about, Shinobu-kun. This job is necessary for me.”
“Still, you don’t need to take it up on your own.”
“Thanks for worrying about me. But I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
“…Even if you’re okay, I… can’t bear it.”
Like always, Hijiri’s smile was just affixed.
I couldn’t bear seeing that forced smile while she clenched her fist and was desperate to support herself.
“Repeatedly pushing yourself until you’re that injured and smiling sadly like that… I can’t leave you alone like that. I always had difficulties, but I have decided now.”
Adjusting my slightly grazed voice, I clearly told her my feelings.
“Whatever happens from now on, I’ll support you. I’ll help you. I’ll continue to protect you. I won’t ever take my eyes off you again.”
“…What, are you saying? You can’t, Shinobu-kun. The one you want to protect isn’t me, but Luna-san, right? You can’t concern yourself with me.”
“Hijiri, I’m not aiming to be an exorcist for Luna’s sake, but because I want to see the moment your and Kaorun’s dream comes true together with you. I definitely will become an exorcist and support your dream.”
“Becoming an exorcist… for that kind of reason… is ridiculous. Your wish is… to stay together with Luna-san, right? I’ll do something about Luna-san and Machina-san. Therefore, you… don’t have to… become an exorcist…”
“Whatever you say, I don’t plan to change my mind. Even if you take your distance from me, even if you reject me numerous times, even if you come to hate me, I’ll help you. Like you did for me, I’ll continue to support you from the shadows.”
“…I’m far weaker from what you think.”
Along with a trembling voice, her fabricated expression gradually changed into a crying face.
“I’m sure it’ll be really tough to support me.”
“Leaving you alone is even tougher.”
“I might act really spoiled towards you?”
“I don’t mind.”
“I might cry in front of you when I’m in pain.”
“Then I’ll be by your side until you stop crying.”
“…I might… cause you a lot… of troubles…”
“I’ll accept all of it.”
“You might… come to… hate…”
“That will never happen.”
I asserted her firmly and spun my feelings.
“Act spoiled and cry all you want, I won’t consider it troubles. I’ll never come to hate you.”
I reached out my hand that was rejected once towards Hijiri without hesitation.
“I told you, whatever happens from now on, I’ll continue to support you. So, don’t cry by yourself. Don’t get hurt by yourself. You don’t have to shoulder everything by yourself. From now on, you can rely on me.”
“…Thank… you…”
Smiling fragile, Hijiri repeated “Thank you”.
“I was… no good without you. I didn’t notice my own weakness, kept forcing myself and made Kaoru-san worry and sad. But, with you by my side, I’ll be fine…”
While spilling big tears from her eyes, Hijiri wrapped up my hand with both her hands.
“I want to you to help us with our childish-like dream of changing the exorcist organisation.”
“Yeah, until the end. Your dream is mine too. Let’s realize that dream… together.”
“Yeah… Yeah… I want to support you too. I’ll give my best so that Luna-san and the others can stay by your side. So, please stay by my side too.”
“…With you by my side, there’s no longer anything to be afraid of.”
Sentimental words.
Tears overflowed from Hijiri’s eyes without end and she raised a small crying voice, clinging to me like that. And I softly embraced her warmth on my body.
As to connect the unravelled strings of our bonds with my own warmth, I tightly, but gentle embraced her closely for good.
Amidst that, Kaorun, in the corner of my vision, had warm tears flowing down her cheeks just like Hijiri while she watched over us….
* * *
The somewhat bright lights of the houses were visible from the car window. Kaorun sat on the driving seat in the peaceful inside of the car. Hijiri was on the passenger seat. As for me, I leaned my back into the backseat.
After finishing my talk with Hijiri, Kaorun said she would drive me back home, so I got into the car on her urges, but for a while now my eyelids were heavy, as I didn’t get much sleep lately.
While rubbing my eyes for the time being, I fought against the sleepiness, but at some point my consciousness faded and the conversation between Hijiri and Kaorun grew distant.
“I must say, I am really glad. Now you can always stay by Shinobu-sama’s side.”
“Yeah, it’s thanks to you, Kaoru-san. Thanks. Also, sorry for worrying you. Are you willing to support me from now on as well?”
“I intended to do so from the beginning. After all, I am your older sister. You can call me ‘Kaoru-oneechan’ if you want.”
“…Kaoru-san, how about I postpone that for after we realized our dream? I think it’s a good motivation.”
“Fufu, good idea. Let us work hard together.”
Kaorun and Hijiri were talking happily like that… but I was done for. I was too sleepy. I wouldn’t last until home…
“By the way, Hijiri-chan, it suddenly occurred to me, you and Shinobu-sama are now supporting each other, correct?”
“Yeah, that’s right. It kind of makes me really happy.”
“…However, supporting each other is already a deeper relationship than friends.”
“Eh? Is that so?”
“Yes. In fact, it would be no exaggeration to call you his lover now.”
“L- Lover!? Really!?”
“Yes, I believe Shinobu-sama will agree.”
“Mhm~ But will Luna-san allow that?”
“I am sure she will— wait, Hijiri-chan!? Did you take me serious!? Just to tell you, I was joking about the lover part.”
“…I hope Luna-san allows it.”
“She is not listening!?”
I got the feeling that Kaorun was making some kind of ruckus and was doubtful, but I couldn’t maintain my consciousness and fell asleep like that…
