I finally escaped the library with help from Clodys. I walked straight to Lucretius’s quarters. To his bedroom.
He looked at me in confusion, but I ignored it and asked without preamble, “Please stop the dowager empress’s marriage plan for Princess Liliana.”
“…”
He studied me as usual. He patted his chin and asked, “Why?”
“Please just do it.”
“Well, I don’t understand why I need to do it.”
I smiled brightly. I knew exactly what to say to make him do what I want.
“When you gave me a cup of poisoned water, you didn’t give me an explanation either, remember? I think you need to do me a favor without knowing the reason.”
“…”
He seemed stunned for a second. After a short silence, he raised his hands as a sign of surrender and replied, “Alright. I will do it. Besides… I can guess why.”
He already knew I was trying to get to the princesses, so it was not a hard guess. Obviously, I was trying to be on the princess’ good side.
It would have been easy for me to explain my reason to him. I knew that if I did, he would have done what I asked. The reason I insisted on not telling him was… I was just being difficult.
I was still a bit angry at him. Now that I forced him to do something for me, I felt a little better.
Perhaps I could stop being angry at him for spying on me.
Then suddenly, I noticed where I was.
I was in his bedroom and Lucretius was on his bed. He still wasn’t fully recovered, but he was already back to work. There were several pieces of paper scattered around him.
The fact that I didn’t even ask him how he was doing made me feel guilty. He was still a patient after all.
To hide my guilt, I grabbed the papers from his hand and said to him angrily.
“This is why you aren’t getting better faster! Look how I recovered in only two days! I rested and I got better quickly!”
He tried to make an excuse in a weak voice.
“But I am getting bett…”
I ignored him and called for his assistant. I handed the documents to him and ordered him not to give Lucretius any work until he became well again.
After a long sigh, I turned around. He was still in his pajamas and leaning against the headboard. He did look much better than yesterday.
Suddenly, I remembered what happened last night.
His naked chest, his weight on me, the kiss…
And the scars on his back.
Without thinking, I blurted out.
“Last night… I didn’t mean to see it, but… While I was changing your shirt… I…”
When I hesitated, Lucretius seemed to realize what I was asking.
He smiled bitterly and answered, “So you saw.”
“… Yes.”
“Well, you were bound to find out sooner or later. We will always live together after all.”
… What the heck was he talking about? Always live together?
Normally, I would have argued the fine points, but I didn’t feel like it was appropriate. We were talking about a sensitive subject, so I decided to let this one go.
He asked, “So, what do you want to know?”
“Isn’t it… uncomfortable?”
“They happened a long time ago, so they don’t cause me any pain anymore.”
I shook my head.
“Not that. Um… I just meant that you must not want anyone to see them.”
Lucretius surprised me by smiling.
“Like I said, you were bound to find out at some point. Besides, it’s not a secret. Everyone knew how the dowager empress and the former emperor treated me when I was little.”
I couldn’t understand. It made sense that the dowager empress was cruel to him, but even the former emperor? Lucretius was his only living son, so why would he hurt him?
I must have looked confused because Lucretius smiled awkwardly and continued, “I don’t consider the former emperor my father. I have his blood, but that’s it.”
If I had a cruel father like that, I would have felt the same way too.
He continued quietly, “I don’t know if you are aware, but my grandfather, Kentius the Third, was a great and celebrated emperor.”
“Really?”
I vaguely remembered the priestess mentioning his painting. She said he looked just like Lucretius.
The emperor continued, “For the last several generations, my family has been having difficulty siring a male heir. That was why the former emperor was able to take the throne despite how lacking he was.”
That made sense. The former emperor was such a creep who was not very bright.
Lucretius continued, “The former emperor didn’t resemble my grandfather at all. Both his looks and his abilities. There were constant rumors about him not being my grandfather’s legitimate son.”
“Oh…”
“So when I was born, the former emperor was very pleased at first.”
“Why?”
“Because I resembled my grandfather. This proved that he was my grandfather’s son.”
“I see…”
Then why did the former emperor hate Lucretius?
I asked, “Then why did he abuse you? You were the living proof that he had royal blood.”
Lucretius smiled bitterly. “It was because… He has always been jealous of his father.”
“…”
“All his life, the former emperor has been compared to my grandfather, and he could never be as good of a man or an emperor.” Lucretius paused before continuing, “Imagine how the former emperor must have felt whenever he saw me, who looked exactly like his hated father.”
However, to me, it still didn’t make it right. To abuse your own son because you felt inadequate was unacceptable.
I replied, “It’s not fair. It’s unacceptable.”
Lucretius smiled smoothly.
“I agree. On top of that, that woman made it even worse. Of course, it happened only until my mid-teens. When I got big enough, I fought back, and they stopped.”
“…”
“From then on, the dowager empress sent all kinds of assassins to me. If I wasn’t the only living son, the former emperor would have sent his own assassins too.”
Even on earth, the fight for power between father and son happened in history too.
Lucretius continued, “It was getting very dangerous. As the dowager empress’ due date got closer, the former emperor was wondering about how to get rid of me in case the baby was a boy.”
“And that is why…”
“Yes. Before I was killed, I killed him first to survive. You may scorn me, but I don’t regret what I have done.”
“…”
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do to survive. That is why I killed even my own father. I don’t even have the moral or decency to regret what I have done.”
I didn’t know why he was telling me this.
He reached out to me and held my wrist. He wasn’t forceful like last night. Instead, he pulled me towards him gently.
I knew in my head I should resist, but I couldn’t. My body moved towards him easily.
He kissed the back of my hand and looked up.
He asked, “Do you feel contempt for me?”
It felt like someone hit me in the head. I felt stunned.
I asked myself.
Did I scorn him?
It was true his past was terrible. His childhood was like hell. To survive, he had to become the devil himself.
Lucretius killed his own father, and he said he didn’t regret it.
It was shocking and immoral. Anybody would have looked down on him, but…
Not me. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.
I smiled honestly. “No way. I don’t have the right to judge you.”
His smile was bitter. “Such a vague answer.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t mean it like that. Do you not remember?”
I took a deep breath and continued.
“I was there with you that night, and I gave a false witness statement. Even when everyone accused the wrong person of the murder, I stayed quiet.”
“…”
“Everyone in the world may judge you harshly, but at least for me, I don’t have the right to do that.”
I didn’t know what his expression meant.
Was it relief?
He looked like… he was freed.
He kissed my hand again and whispered, “Yes. You are my only accomplice. I forgot.”
He hugged me, and again, I couldn’t refuse him.
Just like that, Luc fell asleep.
I finally escaped the library with help from Clodys. I walked straight to Lucretius’s quarters. To his bedroom.
He looked at me in confusion, but I ignored it and asked without preamble, “Please stop the dowager empress’s marriage plan for Princess Liliana.”
“…”
He studied me as usual. He patted his chin and asked, “Why?”
“Please just do it.”
“Well, I don’t understand why I need to do it.”
I smiled brightly. I knew exactly what to say to make him do what I want.
“When you gave me a cup of poisoned water, you didn’t give me an explanation either, remember? I think you need to do me a favor without knowing the reason.”
“…”
He seemed stunned for a second. After a short silence, he raised his hands as a sign of surrender and replied, “Alright. I will do it. Besides… I can guess why.”
He already knew I was trying to get to the princesses, so it was not a hard guess. Obviously, I was trying to be on the princess’ good side.
It would have been easy for me to explain my reason to him. I knew that if I did, he would have done what I asked. The reason I insisted on not telling him was… I was just being difficult.
I was still a bit angry at him. Now that I forced him to do something for me, I felt a little better.
Perhaps I could stop being angry at him for spying on me.
Then suddenly, I noticed where I was.
I was in his bedroom and Lucretius was on his bed. He still wasn’t fully recovered, but he was already back to work. There were several pieces of paper scattered around him.
The fact that I didn’t even ask him how he was doing made me feel guilty. He was still a patient after all.
To hide my guilt, I grabbed the papers from his hand and said to him angrily.
“This is why you aren’t getting better faster! Look how I recovered in only two days! I rested and I got better quickly!”
He tried to make an excuse in a weak voice.
“But I am getting bett…”
I ignored him and called for his assistant. I handed the documents to him and ordered him not to give Lucretius any work until he became well again.
After a long sigh, I turned around. He was still in his pajamas and leaning against the headboard. He did look much better than yesterday.
Suddenly, I remembered what happened last night.
His naked chest, his weight on me, the kiss…
And the scars on his back.
Without thinking, I blurted out.
“Last night… I didn’t mean to see it, but… While I was changing your shirt… I…”
When I hesitated, Lucretius seemed to realize what I was asking.
He smiled bitterly and answered, “So you saw.”
“… Yes.”
“Well, you were bound to find out sooner or later. We will always live together after all.”
… What the heck was he talking about? Always live together?
Normally, I would have argued the fine points, but I didn’t feel like it was appropriate. We were talking about a sensitive subject, so I decided to let this one go.
He asked, “So, what do you want to know?”
“Isn’t it… uncomfortable?”
“They happened a long time ago, so they don’t cause me any pain anymore.”
I shook my head.
“Not that. Um… I just meant that you must not want anyone to see them.”
Lucretius surprised me by smiling.
“Like I said, you were bound to find out at some point. Besides, it’s not a secret. Everyone knew how the dowager empress and the former emperor treated me when I was little.”
I couldn’t understand. It made sense that the dowager empress was cruel to him, but even the former emperor? Lucretius was his only living son, so why would he hurt him?
I must have looked confused because Lucretius smiled awkwardly and continued, “I don’t consider the former emperor my father. I have his blood, but that’s it.”
If I had a cruel father like that, I would have felt the same way too.
He continued quietly, “I don’t know if you are aware, but my grandfather, Kentius the Third, was a great and celebrated emperor.”
“Really?”
I vaguely remembered the priestess mentioning his painting. She said he looked just like Lucretius.
The emperor continued, “For the last several generations, my family has been having difficulty siring a male heir. That was why the former emperor was able to take the throne despite how lacking he was.”
That made sense. The former emperor was such a creep who was not very bright.
Lucretius continued, “The former emperor didn’t resemble my grandfather at all. Both his looks and his abilities. There were constant rumors about him not being my grandfather’s legitimate son.”
“Oh…”
“So when I was born, the former emperor was very pleased at first.”
“Why?”
“Because I resembled my grandfather. This proved that he was my grandfather’s son.”
“I see…”
Then why did the former emperor hate Lucretius?
I asked, “Then why did he abuse you? You were the living proof that he had royal blood.”
Lucretius smiled bitterly. “It was because… He has always been jealous of his father.”
“…”
“All his life, the former emperor has been compared to my grandfather, and he could never be as good of a man or an emperor.” Lucretius paused before continuing, “Imagine how the former emperor must have felt whenever he saw me, who looked exactly like his hated father.”
However, to me, it still didn’t make it right. To abuse your own son because you felt inadequate was unacceptable.
I replied, “It’s not fair. It’s unacceptable.”
Lucretius smiled smoothly.
“I agree. On top of that, that woman made it even worse. Of course, it happened only until my mid-teens. When I got big enough, I fought back, and they stopped.”
“…”
“From then on, the dowager empress sent all kinds of assassins to me. If I wasn’t the only living son, the former emperor would have sent his own assassins too.”
Even on earth, the fight for power between father and son happened in history too.
Lucretius continued, “It was getting very dangerous. As the dowager empress’ due date got closer, the former emperor was wondering about how to get rid of me in case the baby was a boy.”
“And that is why…”
“Yes. Before I was killed, I killed him first to survive. You may scorn me, but I don’t regret what I have done.”
“…”
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do to survive. That is why I killed even my own father. I don’t even have the moral or decency to regret what I have done.”
I didn’t know why he was telling me this.
He reached out to me and held my wrist. He wasn’t forceful like last night. Instead, he pulled me towards him gently.
I knew in my head I should resist, but I couldn’t. My body moved towards him easily.
He kissed the back of my hand and looked up.
He asked, “Do you feel contempt for me?”
It felt like someone hit me in the head. I felt stunned.
I asked myself.
Did I scorn him?
It was true his past was terrible. His childhood was like hell. To survive, he had to become the devil himself.
Lucretius killed his own father, and he said he didn’t regret it.
It was shocking and immoral. Anybody would have looked down on him, but…
Not me. I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.
I smiled honestly. “No way. I don’t have the right to judge you.”
His smile was bitter. “Such a vague answer.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t mean it like that. Do you not remember?”
I took a deep breath and continued.
“I was there with you that night, and I gave a false witness statement. Even when everyone accused the wrong person of the murder, I stayed quiet.”
“…”
“Everyone in the world may judge you harshly, but at least for me, I don’t have the right to do that.”
I didn’t know what his expression meant.
Was it relief?
He looked like… he was freed.
He kissed my hand again and whispered, “Yes. You are my only accomplice. I forgot.”
He hugged me, and again, I couldn’t refuse him.
Just like that, Luc fell asleep.
