Chapter 45 (Part 1) Orginal and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.
The pale stone floors scattered with yellow tiles and the red walls covered with colorful, luxurious paintings combined with the solemn dignity of the palace to stifle me. I suddenly realized that everything here was unfamiliar.
Little Li supported my preoccupied self back to the main hall. I could see the cold and cheerless door from a long distance away, with no imperial carriage in sight. Not only did I let out a breath in relief, but I also gave the eunuch a look as I murmured, “You used the emperor to scare me off. If I’d known it’d be like this, I would’ve followed that Lord Hua straight back to the Cold Palace for some novel sights.”
This guy actually said that the emperor would get angry if he came back from official business to find me gone. The emperor had lots of work to do, there was no guarantee he’d come back here even when he finished.
Seriously…
I gave him a glance and poked him with my finger. Little Li smiled with me, and lowered his head to bow. I pulled up my robes and took one step into the doors before bumping into something warm. Yah…what was this? I felt around clumsily with my hands around his chest until he caught me.
Little Li had already been frightened to kneeling on the ground. “May the Emperor live 10,000 years, 10,000 of 10,000 years!”
Recently, all I’ve been doing is running into people I shouldn’t…
—
I raised my head to meet the fearfully terrorizing eyes of the man before me, uncertain of how I was feeling. Disturbed, anxious…they all came naturally. I started as I remembered I should greet him, but I couldn’t move when he was holding my hands.
“Where did you go?”
“My body felt sluggish after lying in bed all day, so I went to soak in some sunshine.”
His eyes seemed to hold some thoughts as his eyebrows furrowed. A hand rested on my elbow and pushed me to a corner against the walls as he looked me up and down with concentration. Head lowered, he came to stroke my hair before his lips quirked up. “You went to look for him, didn’t you…”
He seemed to be extremely angry, but was trying his best to hold it back, intentionally lowering his voice to a soft and gentle tone. I felt a bit uneasy and looked to the side, appealing to Little Li for help. Yet I discovered that the kneeling eunuch had long since disappeared.
“What are you thinking about instead of speaking?”
“I don’t know what I should say,” I replied honestly, looking at the emperor.
Who was the “him” he mentioned? There was plenty of idle gossip within the court, so I couldn’t bring up false charges against a person.
He gave a ridiculing smile. I frowned, feeling his hot gaze was examining me very closely. He didn’t say anything else, but his body relaxed a bit. Still, I felt that something was wrong…
My line of vision went past his shoulders to the room beyond…as it turned out, the room was filled with broken porcelain, as if it had just went through a “reign of terror[1].”
“What happened here?”
He was quiet for a long while before suddenly breaking into a smile.
“General Qi’s people were remonstrating about the empress selection issue again. Zhen was irritated and came to find you, but you weren’t here. After seeing how outdated and old the furnishings in your quarters were, I decided to break a few pieces.”
Old…
Of course the older the item, the more valuable it was. There was an eighty percent chance that this guy was too well-off and just felt snubbed. I stared at him with a grin, but he lowered his head and pulled me into an embrace, murmuring by my ear. “If you saw him, then it’s fine. Break off your thoughts earlier. In the future, even if you spend one-tenths of your thoughts on me, I’ll treat you well and take care of you for a lifetime.”
He gave up using “Zhen” again. I felt a little frustrated with my chin forced against his shoulder, and used a hand to lightly comfort him. His feelings were getting a little out of hand. The old eunuch by the gates had a good grasp of the situation, and made a few gestures towards the outside of the courtyard. Immediately, swarms of servants arrived and quickly picked up all the fragments from the floor.
As it turned out…it had been quiet outside not because the emperor hadn’t returned, but because he’d scared away the servants with his arrival. I sucked in a breath and blanked out for a while before touching him again. He didn’t react, but continued to hold me.
A fragrant aroma began to fill the rooms. His embrace had an indescribable tenderness, and the mood felt just right, but…
“What was that noise?” he lowered his head and gave me a hesitant glance. Eyes widened as he rested a hand on my abdomen. Just in time, my stomach gave another growl.
“You’re not young anymore, but why don’t you understand how to take care of yourself better?” his eyes were filled with concern and distress. “Have you eaten yet? You must be hungry.”
“Not too hungry.” When I recalled the words he said during his emotional fit, I’d feel plenty full. Exactly what kind of things were hidden in this person’s heart?
—
I sat down on the bed and kicked off my shoes, before realizing the emperor was here too… At the very least, I had an image to preserve, so I carefully arranged the shoes and sat ladylike on the bed. He gave a soft, but audible laugh. I didn’t pay it the slightest mind, but pulled up my sleeves to take a translucent pastry. Sniffing it a few times, I took a bite. It was sweet…but not too greasy.
“I heard you went to the Cold Palace?”
Ghhgrnk.
I choked like a coward.
The news here travelled way too fast…did he go discuss official business, or tail me instead?
“Didn’t manage to make it. I didn’t know it was the Cold Palace, only thought that the spot behind the lotus pond had to be a good place. After listening to Little Li, I decided not to go.”
He nodded, and suddenly said, “Don’t believe the hearsay in the palace.”
What rumors…? The ones about the emperor liking men? Though I didn’t have the guts to ask him directly. I gave him a quiet glance…
He seemed to be deep in thought, eyes furrowed in vexation until he seemed to notice me. Indifferent, he didn’t avoid my gaze but met it straight on. The light shone clearly on his features, which were extremely heroic and somewhat noble. It was a rather young face, but long infused with the spirit of a sovereign. Perhaps he seemed unapproachable to other people, but he was always temperate and calm with me.
Would this person…raise male concubines? It was hard to understand him.
He suddenly crept closer, a hand circling around my waist as he glanced at me before speaking softly. “After thinking to myself, I’ve concluded that some things between us have to be done. Thereafter, I won’t worry even if you see other people, because it won’t be worth any foolish fancies.”
I was stunned.
Do what? What did he want to accomplish?
—
His hand touched my face as his gaze turned ambiguous before resting on my lips. Fingers slipped down and past my chin as he leaned over; perhaps the skin was too slippery, because he didn’t get a grip. Seeing his face get closer and closer, I shrank back until I was against the wall, avoiding his hands. I gave a dubious look towards this opportunistic man. Who was it that said, ‘being close to the emperor is like being close to a tiger?’
I thought this emperor had a fair disposition. At the very least, the space between his eyebrows were smooth, and he had a soft gaze. If there was something to help me overlook the feeling of goosebumps on my skin…then I’d feel a bit better.
“Look at how scared you are…Zhen isn’t some sort of ferocious bird or wild beast,” he said, stroking my face.
You’re wilder than either of them. I gave a shiver, and meekly protested in silence.
“Forget it, I won’t tease you.” he smiled as he clapped his hands.
A group of court ladies slowly streamed in from outside, their steps exceptionally light. Every one of them was holding something in her hands, but they were too far away for me to see clearly.
“I can draw up the official documents tomorrow,” he conveniently drew closer to speak, laughing. “The imperial palace rushed to make some clothing to wear for the grand ceremony. It was a little hasty, but you should try them on and see if they fit.”
Ah…
A young eunuch wordlessly walked before me, kneeling while he slowly opened a wooden box. I quickly shielded my eyes with my hands…squinting as I peered over. I could only see a lifelike phoenix coronet[2], glistening and glittering yellow.
This was too much, right?
I took a deep breath.
Before I’d recovered, a circle of court ladies helped me off the bed and someone said in a low voice, “Master, please change clothes. This was carefully selected by his Majesty and only finished after multiple altercations.”
I felt a little dazed.
Did the emperor need to personally concern himself with such things? He only smiled harmoniously, the lamplight making him eminently handsome and filling his face with warmth. I stood blankly for a second, glancing at the servants’ deferential forms as they held various items above their heads.
A slim and graceful red robe was spread out before the bed. There was also a thicker outer robe made of some unknown material that made the embroidered gold dragons seem especially solemn. I could estimate that there were seven or eight layers of robes without even counting the beautiful collection of jade ornaments and gold hairpins.
The sight stupefied me.
These things were far from the rank of a paltry concubine, but nearly on par with the empress herself…the robes were quality robes and the gold was quality gold…so dazzling that my eyes were seeing afterimages. He leaned against the bed, comfortably observing my expression with a hand propped beneath his head, playing with his ring. A gaze like that made my back turn numb.
Perhaps they’d caught the emperor’s hint, but a few court ladies surrounded me and opened up my arms, preparing to take off my outer robes.
“There’s no need to trouble you, I’ll do it myself,” I declined.
“How could we tire out the imperial concubine? Zhen should take charge of such a thankless job,” a voice as warm and mellow as wine came from behind me, carrying it with the hints of a smile.
Not good.
Someone hooked around the edge of my collar and tugged. The sash that was wound tightly around my waist loosened as he took off a large portion of my outer robes. He drew closer and pulled me into his embrace, a finger resting on my remaining white inner robes as he smiled. “Usually, Zhen has others serving him. How about I serve you today and help you with your clothes?”
—
What kind of service was this? He’d mixed up the differences between “stripping” and “taking off” one’s clothes.
“Your Majesty…”
“Un?”
I looked down at the finger currently digging its way into my inner robes.
“This doesn’t need to be taken off if I’m trying on the outer robes.”
“…true.” he gave an embarrassed smile and withdrew his reckless wolf claws. I covered myself up with the inner robes. It was a little chilly with the wind blowing, though the scent of incense was strong as ever indoors. The court ladies looked like they wanted to laugh, but held it in as they surged over, taking off the rest of my outer robes. The bright red robes were spread out and brought over…catching the light, it seemed to reflect dark red threads within the cloth.
I was a bit out of it as the hustle and bustle continued. The only thing I noticed was his exceptionally delighted expression.
In that moment of inattention, a smooth but slightly chilly fabric passed over my fingers. When I came back to my senses, they’d already dressed me up. Surrounded by the bright red, my pale-skinned face seemed to reflect some of its jubilant cheer.
And then came another layer.
They turned me back and forth as they piled countless layers on me. These clothes looked fairly light, but their combined weight was enough to make it difficult to breathe and even move around in. Such a gorgeous set of robes. Pretty as they were…was I really expected to wear them when my title was conferred on me?
My heart sank, and my scalp seemed to turn numb.
Standing before a bronze mirror, dressed resplendently with my hair hanging loosely about me, I looked nothing like the usual. Instead, there was a fatal attractiveness about the golden robes and scarlet red fabric lining my throat. The corners of my eyes rose slightly, and even my pupils seem to shine with a softer, more graceful light.
I supported myself against the table and took a deep breath.
With a wave of a hand, an eunuch followed me with head bowed, raising a trousseau filled with glittering head ornaments and hairpins.
“Master, your required accessories.”
Tch, a joke…it’s not like they were conferring the title on me today. I’m not going through with that kind of suffering. How many jin were those things?
Though they did look expensive and refined…
I circled around the box a few times, bending down to stare at that exquisite phoenix coronet. If I could, I’d pick it up and bite it with my teeth. It was probably pure gold. Turning towards the emperor, I spoke. “Your Majesty, does everyone have to wear these when they’re conferred a title? It’s so heavy.”
I dragged my tediously long robes behind me as I approached him. Maybe I was tired, because I stepped on the hem of my clothes on the way and felt a little cold…
When I looked down, I realized someone had taken off my shoes without me noticing. In the chaos, I hadn’t noticed a thing until now. I stepped onto a mat placed on the ground, feeling my cold toes grow a little numb.
“The rest of you are all dismissed.” The emperor, who had been sitting with amusement on a soft cushion all this time, finally spoke. The retreating steps were so soft, there was barely any sound until the doors to the room shut, startling me.
The atmosphere immediately became extremely strange as the lights in the room dimmed. The golden lotus incense burners emanated thin trails of smoke that rose in the air, no longer buffeted by the breeze. Their ambiguous scent hovered in the air.
He slowly got off the bed and walked towards me, resting his hand on my shoulder. Before I could react, he’d lifted me up into his arms. Smiling, his gaze was firm as he took me to the bed and placed my stiff body there. I furrowed my eyebrows, but before I could curl up, his hand crept into my robes and found my feet, placing them on his legs. Those large, cocoon-like hands held my feet until they turned warm and numb to the point that my toes wanted to curl up.
He asked with a light smile, “Are you warm?”
Not just warm, but super comfortable. I was almost on the verge of crooning.
My entire body was warm, yet he didn’t stop. Head lowered, he took the time to play around with my toes. It was very strange…even doing things such as this, he didn’t lose a bit of a monarch’s natural poise or bearing. A sentence suddenly appeared in my mind: if the first place a man touches is your feet and he treats it like a treasured jewel, then he’ll truly love you.
Or in other words…he’d be a considerate husband.
But I couldn’t remember where I’d heard these words from, no matter how I tried.
My hair…and my ears both itched. I recovered my senses as my lips grew warm from his kiss. A figure pressed down against me, pressing me to the bed. Though the light was behind him, I could still make out his gentle face. I was a little dazed as I sputtered.
“Y-y-you…what are you doing!?”
-o-
[1] reign of terror (腥风血雨) －xingfeng xueyu, literally “foul wind and a rain of blood.” [2] phoenix coronet (凤冠) －fengguan, crown worn by an empress or imperial concubine, also used formerly as a bride’s headdress. Very heavy!
Chapter 45 (Part 2) Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.
The corners of his lips twitched up into something like a smile. “You’re already Zhen’s woman, what else could Zhen do?”
Ah…
Ahhhh, but didn’t I lose my memories?
He lowered the bed curtains around us.
I couldn’t resign myself to sitting on the bed, but reached out to jerk the bed curtains aside, only to hear him say, “It’s chaotic in the outside world, so Zhen will protect you.”
Before I could recover from my surprise, he’d already caught my hand. His other hand brushed open my outer robes to dig inside until they felt my shoulder bones, bringing with it a surprising chill. His large hands were like cocoons, and wherever he touched, my skin seem to turn numb and heat up…
“Zhen knows why he doesn’t like this outfit,” he bent over, his heavy voice mixing with his breaths by my side. His lips parted to close around my ears as he hummed, and my mind seemed to burst. It was soft and warm, and the tactile impressions left by his sucking felt like tiny ants itching across my skin.
“It’s too much trouble to take off, which Zhen dislikes.”
This was brazenly taking liberties. I felt unusually indignant and terribly shy, but there was no place to hide. I could only say without any hint of force, “Let go already.”
The effect was just a little shy of an ant snorting.
“Zhen won’t let go. You should know…” There was a faint hint of a smile in his words as he regarded me warmly, long fingers brushing against my cheeks. “My thoughts of you grow deeper day after day.”
I was a little dumbfounded. He smiled and held me tighter.
The bed curtains were all down and the light was hazy. It was a little hard to breathe with him crushing me. I could faintly hear the sound of his pendants moving, as if he was taking off his robes. My mind was in a heavy daze when I raised my head to grab the curtains…at least to get a breath of fresh air.
He bent over and tightly gripped my wrist, not letting me go. His expression was filled with the energy of an easy victory, the aura very much like an emperor…but to use it here… This person, how could he do such a thing?
He raised so many male concubines in the palace without accepting a single female. He should like men, so he shouldn’t be able to act like this with me. Yet the truth was far from reality.
“What are you thinking about…why don’t you speak?” his hands dug in my robes and held me, fingers lightly rubbing against my skin. “…is it ticklish? Don’t hide away…”
Tears, why was he so interested in women? Can anyone tell me the reason? I took a breath and covered myself, turning my head away while I shot him a hazy look. I felt extremely puzzled and wronged.
“Y…y-you…this is…”
His face was half wreathed in light, half in shadow, making his features hard to discern. I could only see the area from his nose to his chin, clean and resolute like a proper man, making it hard for people to look away. His hand was pressed on my shoulders.
“Right now, your heart has no one else in it but me.” When he spoke to himself, I could tell…that something was putting him ill at ease.
He slowly lowered his body, the remaining materials of his clothing tickling my skin. Against my exposed back, he left a trail of increasing frentic kisses that were somehow filled with sorrow. When he released my hand, I took the chance to grab the bed crtains.
The dim lighting seemed to daze and confuse me.
His messy hair draped down as he reached out to hold me, the light casting his shadow in sharp relief against the curtains. An arm wrapped around my belly and waist as he slowly tightened his grip to embrace me. In the dark, I could feel his finger brushing across my forehead and face…the movements soft and gentle, but without any warmth.
He said, ‘Shao’er, you’re still as beautiful as before…no, even more beautiful.’
He said, ‘You’re Zhen’s woman.’
His words left me at a loss…and I forgot to resist, as if everything happening was a natural course of events. Those familiar, warm lips pressed against mine. He had the kind of sweeping forehead to drive a person to depravity, and the singular scent of a man as he embraced me intimately, and yet at this moment…
He lowered his head and spoke in a low voice, “What are you secretly giggling about?”
“Don’t you like men?”
Abruptly, he raised his head, eyes widening minutely as they stared at me with a handsome yet gentle gaze. From that…I realized I was wrong. It was too late to crawl away now, tears…
Chaos fell upon the darkness.
—
When I came to my senses, I was directly in contact with his slender yet sturdy bare waist. He held onto my head, staring at me like he was going to ravage me, that innate air of sovereignty now incredibly potent. My body softened like a puddle of water, but I still tried to crawl and resist.
He bent my knee and held onto my thigh, gentle caressing it to turn them soft and powerless. Then he grabbed my shoulders and shifted my body over. With a hand on my head he looked at me, getting an eyeful.
Longing shone from his eyes.
“Shao’er…” he called out gently with warm breaths against my ear, thin lips touching my breasts, a little scalding. It was as if he wanted to suck me into his body.
Suddenly, I couldn’t hold back a moan. He bent forward to embrace me tightly in his arms, and that hot, hard rod squeezed into that soft and tender point between my thighs. I could sense a searing heat that made me feel incredibly helpless. His head moved closer and gently sniffed my neck. He seemed to be saying something, but I couldn’t hear it clearly.
He moved his waist forward a little more, and I felt as though my body was being pulled apart. This feeling of slowly being filled could even be called…too painful. Having difficulty enduring, I tightly gripped onto the bedsheets.
Fortunately, he quickly dodged before I bit him.
He looked to be enduring patiently and there was a layer of sweat on his resolute face, yet he didn’t forget to stroke my hair with his hand and wipe away my sweat. Right as I relaxed, he held onto my body from both sides and fiercely thrust into me without any hesitation. My twisted face could be described as pained.
Hesitating, he gazed at me in astonishment before the look in his eyes became joy, then amazement.
Was anything wrong? Yet I was so dazed I couldn’t figure out what it was. I wasn’t used to the sudden, severe pain that had suddenly appeared. He held me tightly and spoke in a cold voice without warmth, “I won’t lose you again…”
Although the tone was flat, I knew…his heart was flustered and trembling. My blankness deepened as my mind grew empty. Within the dim bed curtains, all I remembered was his nimble fingers. I’d neglected any other matters of importance.
His body rocked slightly as he inched forwards, as if wanting to bury himself in my deepest parts…until we became one. My body followed that rough, coarse sensation until his movements swept me away wave after wave, releasing a surge of intoxicating torrents.
The colorful flowers on the bed curtains seemed to deepen…
My eyes opened wide, and I felt a little lost. He was slow and steady one moment, fierce and furious the next. The torment he caused me made it hard to breathe. His own breaths made me feel dizzy. My train of thoughts grew more and more distant until they blurred. I could only recall the last thing he said…
Now there won’t be anyone to contend with me. You belong to me, and me alone.
—
With this, the things that were supposed to happened had occurred. The ambiguous odors of the aftermath lingered within the bed curtains long after it was over. I opened my eyes and looked up towards the hazy yellow curtains. The light that shone through blended together the flowers on the fabric, while the air was still filled with that ambiguous scent.
I shifted a bit, but his hand on my waist prevented me from getting up. Instead, he turned over and held me in place with his body, childishly burying his face between my shoulder blades. I gave him a lazy glance. He tilted his head to look at my body, not a hint of drowsiness in his eyes.
I couldn’t bear it anymore and tugged on the bedcovers, turning over my body to look at him. “Didn’t you say…that I was your woman long ago…?”
So then why was there blood on the sheets? My fingers found the spot and brushed over it.
He kept me company with his smile and scooped me into an embrace, a bright voice speaking clearly into my ear. It sounded like he was in excellent spirits. “How did I know that you were only playing house with your little friends?”
The gladness in his voice was all too evident, and his smile was boundlessly gentle and soft. His gaze on me only increased in feelings and affection. But…why didn’t I understand?
What ‘little friends?’
“It’s getting late, don’t go off into flights of fancy. Sleep.” He helped to tuck me in.
How could I sleep?
As the saying goes, a ruler doesn’t joke around with his remarks. But I had no way to understand most of what he said, nor could I tell the truth from the lies, even if I guessed. I turned my head to look at him, that eminently handsome face illuminated by the dim, hazy light. Despite everything…maybe he truly loved me. He always treated me well, and his movements and expressions shouldn’t be fake. But still, what was the story behind the male concubine in the Cold Palace…?
He grasped the hand I’d rested on his forehead, speaking lightly. “Actually, I should have told you earlier. After the previous emperor died, General Qi assumed control of the military powers and gained great influence in the court. But he was still unsatisfied and tried every way possible to send woman into the imperial harem. If his daughter can become the empress, then he’ll feel like he has nothing to fear before Zhen.
…these years, Zhen’s beat him at his own game by liking men and raising male concubines, but I didn’t expect that old thing to…”
These were all affairs of the court, so why was he telling me?
He stopped, gentle eyes trailing down to see my damp hair with a small smile. He drew my chin closer with a shady look and dropped me a kiss. “Now that he knows of your existence, I doubt he’ll leave the matter at that… Stay carefully by my side and don’t go anywhere, all right…?”
By now, I was really getting sleepy and lifted my eyes with effort. He smiled lightly and held me tight, before attacking my drowsy self. But truthfully speaking, it really was nice and warm when he held me…
Even though everything was soft and sweet, why…did I still feel this was all very strange…?
Chapter 45 (Part 1) Orginal and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.
The pale stone floors scattered with yellow tiles and the red walls covered with colorful, luxurious paintings combined with the solemn dignity of the palace to stifle me. I suddenly realized that everything here was unfamiliar.
Little Li supported my preoccupied self back to the main hall. I could see the cold and cheerless door from a long distance away, with no imperial carriage in sight. Not only did I let out a breath in relief, but I also gave the eunuch a look as I murmured, “You used the emperor to scare me off. If I’d known it’d be like this, I would’ve followed that Lord Hua straight back to the Cold Palace for some novel sights.”
This guy actually said that the emperor would get angry if he came back from official business to find me gone. The emperor had lots of work to do, there was no guarantee he’d come back here even when he finished.
Seriously…
I gave him a glance and poked him with my finger. Little Li smiled with me, and lowered his head to bow. I pulled up my robes and took one step into the doors before bumping into something warm. Yah…what was this? I felt around clumsily with my hands around his chest until he caught me.
Little Li had already been frightened to kneeling on the ground. “May the Emperor live 10,000 years, 10,000 of 10,000 years!”
Recently, all I’ve been doing is running into people I shouldn’t…
—
I raised my head to meet the fearfully terrorizing eyes of the man before me, uncertain of how I was feeling. Disturbed, anxious…they all came naturally. I started as I remembered I should greet him, but I couldn’t move when he was holding my hands.
“Where did you go?”
“My body felt sluggish after lying in bed all day, so I went to soak in some sunshine.”
His eyes seemed to hold some thoughts as his eyebrows furrowed. A hand rested on my elbow and pushed me to a corner against the walls as he looked me up and down with concentration. Head lowered, he came to stroke my hair before his lips quirked up. “You went to look for him, didn’t you…”
He seemed to be extremely angry, but was trying his best to hold it back, intentionally lowering his voice to a soft and gentle tone. I felt a bit uneasy and looked to the side, appealing to Little Li for help. Yet I discovered that the kneeling eunuch had long since disappeared.
“What are you thinking about instead of speaking?”
“I don’t know what I should say,” I replied honestly, looking at the emperor.
Who was the “him” he mentioned? There was plenty of idle gossip within the court, so I couldn’t bring up false charges against a person.
He gave a ridiculing smile. I frowned, feeling his hot gaze was examining me very closely. He didn’t say anything else, but his body relaxed a bit. Still, I felt that something was wrong…
My line of vision went past his shoulders to the room beyond…as it turned out, the room was filled with broken porcelain, as if it had just went through a “reign of terror[1].”
“What happened here?”
He was quiet for a long while before suddenly breaking into a smile.
“General Qi’s people were remonstrating about the empress selection issue again. Zhen was irritated and came to find you, but you weren’t here. After seeing how outdated and old the furnishings in your quarters were, I decided to break a few pieces.”
Old…
Of course the older the item, the more valuable it was. There was an eighty percent chance that this guy was too well-off and just felt snubbed. I stared at him with a grin, but he lowered his head and pulled me into an embrace, murmuring by my ear. “If you saw him, then it’s fine. Break off your thoughts earlier. In the future, even if you spend one-tenths of your thoughts on me, I’ll treat you well and take care of you for a lifetime.”
He gave up using “Zhen” again. I felt a little frustrated with my chin forced against his shoulder, and used a hand to lightly comfort him. His feelings were getting a little out of hand. The old eunuch by the gates had a good grasp of the situation, and made a few gestures towards the outside of the courtyard. Immediately, swarms of servants arrived and quickly picked up all the fragments from the floor.
As it turned out…it had been quiet outside not because the emperor hadn’t returned, but because he’d scared away the servants with his arrival. I sucked in a breath and blanked out for a while before touching him again. He didn’t react, but continued to hold me.
A fragrant aroma began to fill the rooms. His embrace had an indescribable tenderness, and the mood felt just right, but…
“What was that noise?” he lowered his head and gave me a hesitant glance. Eyes widened as he rested a hand on my abdomen. Just in time, my stomach gave another growl.
“You’re not young anymore, but why don’t you understand how to take care of yourself better?” his eyes were filled with concern and distress. “Have you eaten yet? You must be hungry.”
“Not too hungry.” When I recalled the words he said during his emotional fit, I’d feel plenty full. Exactly what kind of things were hidden in this person’s heart?
—
I sat down on the bed and kicked off my shoes, before realizing the emperor was here too… At the very least, I had an image to preserve, so I carefully arranged the shoes and sat ladylike on the bed. He gave a soft, but audible laugh. I didn’t pay it the slightest mind, but pulled up my sleeves to take a translucent pastry. Sniffing it a few times, I took a bite. It was sweet…but not too greasy.
“I heard you went to the Cold Palace?”
Ghhgrnk.
I choked like a coward.
The news here travelled way too fast…did he go discuss official business, or tail me instead?
“Didn’t manage to make it. I didn’t know it was the Cold Palace, only thought that the spot behind the lotus pond had to be a good place. After listening to Little Li, I decided not to go.”
He nodded, and suddenly said, “Don’t believe the hearsay in the palace.”
What rumors…? The ones about the emperor liking men? Though I didn’t have the guts to ask him directly. I gave him a quiet glance…
He seemed to be deep in thought, eyes furrowed in vexation until he seemed to notice me. Indifferent, he didn’t avoid my gaze but met it straight on. The light shone clearly on his features, which were extremely heroic and somewhat noble. It was a rather young face, but long infused with the spirit of a sovereign. Perhaps he seemed unapproachable to other people, but he was always temperate and calm with me.
Would this person…raise male concubines? It was hard to understand him.
He suddenly crept closer, a hand circling around my waist as he glanced at me before speaking softly. “After thinking to myself, I’ve concluded that some things between us have to be done. Thereafter, I won’t worry even if you see other people, because it won’t be worth any foolish fancies.”
I was stunned.
Do what? What did he want to accomplish?
—
His hand touched my face as his gaze turned ambiguous before resting on my lips. Fingers slipped down and past my chin as he leaned over; perhaps the skin was too slippery, because he didn’t get a grip. Seeing his face get closer and closer, I shrank back until I was against the wall, avoiding his hands. I gave a dubious look towards this opportunistic man. Who was it that said, ‘being close to the emperor is like being close to a tiger?’
I thought this emperor had a fair disposition. At the very least, the space between his eyebrows were smooth, and he had a soft gaze. If there was something to help me overlook the feeling of goosebumps on my skin…then I’d feel a bit better.
“Look at how scared you are…Zhen isn’t some sort of ferocious bird or wild beast,” he said, stroking my face.
You’re wilder than either of them. I gave a shiver, and meekly protested in silence.
“Forget it, I won’t tease you.” he smiled as he clapped his hands.
A group of court ladies slowly streamed in from outside, their steps exceptionally light. Every one of them was holding something in her hands, but they were too far away for me to see clearly.
“I can draw up the official documents tomorrow,” he conveniently drew closer to speak, laughing. “The imperial palace rushed to make some clothing to wear for the grand ceremony. It was a little hasty, but you should try them on and see if they fit.”
Ah…
A young eunuch wordlessly walked before me, kneeling while he slowly opened a wooden box. I quickly shielded my eyes with my hands…squinting as I peered over. I could only see a lifelike phoenix coronet[2], glistening and glittering yellow.
This was too much, right?
I took a deep breath.
Before I’d recovered, a circle of court ladies helped me off the bed and someone said in a low voice, “Master, please change clothes. This was carefully selected by his Majesty and only finished after multiple altercations.”
I felt a little dazed.
Did the emperor need to personally concern himself with such things? He only smiled harmoniously, the lamplight making him eminently handsome and filling his face with warmth. I stood blankly for a second, glancing at the servants’ deferential forms as they held various items above their heads.
A slim and graceful red robe was spread out before the bed. There was also a thicker outer robe made of some unknown material that made the embroidered gold dragons seem especially solemn. I could estimate that there were seven or eight layers of robes without even counting the beautiful collection of jade ornaments and gold hairpins.
The sight stupefied me.
These things were far from the rank of a paltry concubine, but nearly on par with the empress herself…the robes were quality robes and the gold was quality gold…so dazzling that my eyes were seeing afterimages. He leaned against the bed, comfortably observing my expression with a hand propped beneath his head, playing with his ring. A gaze like that made my back turn numb.
Perhaps they’d caught the emperor’s hint, but a few court ladies surrounded me and opened up my arms, preparing to take off my outer robes.
“There’s no need to trouble you, I’ll do it myself,” I declined.
“How could we tire out the imperial concubine? Zhen should take charge of such a thankless job,” a voice as warm and mellow as wine came from behind me, carrying it with the hints of a smile.
Not good.
Someone hooked around the edge of my collar and tugged. The sash that was wound tightly around my waist loosened as he took off a large portion of my outer robes. He drew closer and pulled me into his embrace, a finger resting on my remaining white inner robes as he smiled. “Usually, Zhen has others serving him. How about I serve you today and help you with your clothes?”
—
What kind of service was this? He’d mixed up the differences between “stripping” and “taking off” one’s clothes.
“Your Majesty…”
“Un?”
I looked down at the finger currently digging its way into my inner robes.
“This doesn’t need to be taken off if I’m trying on the outer robes.”
“…true.” he gave an embarrassed smile and withdrew his reckless wolf claws. I covered myself up with the inner robes. It was a little chilly with the wind blowing, though the scent of incense was strong as ever indoors. The court ladies looked like they wanted to laugh, but held it in as they surged over, taking off the rest of my outer robes. The bright red robes were spread out and brought over…catching the light, it seemed to reflect dark red threads within the cloth.
I was a bit out of it as the hustle and bustle continued. The only thing I noticed was his exceptionally delighted expression.
In that moment of inattention, a smooth but slightly chilly fabric passed over my fingers. When I came back to my senses, they’d already dressed me up. Surrounded by the bright red, my pale-skinned face seemed to reflect some of its jubilant cheer.
And then came another layer.
They turned me back and forth as they piled countless layers on me. These clothes looked fairly light, but their combined weight was enough to make it difficult to breathe and even move around in. Such a gorgeous set of robes. Pretty as they were…was I really expected to wear them when my title was conferred on me?
My heart sank, and my scalp seemed to turn numb.
Standing before a bronze mirror, dressed resplendently with my hair hanging loosely about me, I looked nothing like the usual. Instead, there was a fatal attractiveness about the golden robes and scarlet red fabric lining my throat. The corners of my eyes rose slightly, and even my pupils seem to shine with a softer, more graceful light.
I supported myself against the table and took a deep breath.
With a wave of a hand, an eunuch followed me with head bowed, raising a trousseau filled with glittering head ornaments and hairpins.
“Master, your required accessories.”
Tch, a joke…it’s not like they were conferring the title on me today. I’m not going through with that kind of suffering. How many jin were those things?
Though they did look expensive and refined…
I circled around the box a few times, bending down to stare at that exquisite phoenix coronet. If I could, I’d pick it up and bite it with my teeth. It was probably pure gold. Turning towards the emperor, I spoke. “Your Majesty, does everyone have to wear these when they’re conferred a title? It’s so heavy.”
I dragged my tediously long robes behind me as I approached him. Maybe I was tired, because I stepped on the hem of my clothes on the way and felt a little cold…
When I looked down, I realized someone had taken off my shoes without me noticing. In the chaos, I hadn’t noticed a thing until now. I stepped onto a mat placed on the ground, feeling my cold toes grow a little numb.
“The rest of you are all dismissed.” The emperor, who had been sitting with amusement on a soft cushion all this time, finally spoke. The retreating steps were so soft, there was barely any sound until the doors to the room shut, startling me.
The atmosphere immediately became extremely strange as the lights in the room dimmed. The golden lotus incense burners emanated thin trails of smoke that rose in the air, no longer buffeted by the breeze. Their ambiguous scent hovered in the air.
He slowly got off the bed and walked towards me, resting his hand on my shoulder. Before I could react, he’d lifted me up into his arms. Smiling, his gaze was firm as he took me to the bed and placed my stiff body there. I furrowed my eyebrows, but before I could curl up, his hand crept into my robes and found my feet, placing them on his legs. Those large, cocoon-like hands held my feet until they turned warm and numb to the point that my toes wanted to curl up.
He asked with a light smile, “Are you warm?”
Not just warm, but super comfortable. I was almost on the verge of crooning.
My entire body was warm, yet he didn’t stop. Head lowered, he took the time to play around with my toes. It was very strange…even doing things such as this, he didn’t lose a bit of a monarch’s natural poise or bearing. A sentence suddenly appeared in my mind: if the first place a man touches is your feet and he treats it like a treasured jewel, then he’ll truly love you.
Or in other words…he’d be a considerate husband.
But I couldn’t remember where I’d heard these words from, no matter how I tried.
My hair…and my ears both itched. I recovered my senses as my lips grew warm from his kiss. A figure pressed down against me, pressing me to the bed. Though the light was behind him, I could still make out his gentle face. I was a little dazed as I sputtered.
“Y-y-you…what are you doing!?”
-o-
[1] reign of terror (腥风血雨) －xingfeng xueyu, literally “foul wind and a rain of blood.” [2] phoenix coronet (凤冠) －fengguan, crown worn by an empress or imperial concubine, also used formerly as a bride’s headdress. Very heavy!
Chapter 45 (Part 2) Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.
The corners of his lips twitched up into something like a smile. “You’re already Zhen’s woman, what else could Zhen do?”
Ah…
Ahhhh, but didn’t I lose my memories?
He lowered the bed curtains around us.
I couldn’t resign myself to sitting on the bed, but reached out to jerk the bed curtains aside, only to hear him say, “It’s chaotic in the outside world, so Zhen will protect you.”
Before I could recover from my surprise, he’d already caught my hand. His other hand brushed open my outer robes to dig inside until they felt my shoulder bones, bringing with it a surprising chill. His large hands were like cocoons, and wherever he touched, my skin seem to turn numb and heat up…
“Zhen knows why he doesn’t like this outfit,” he bent over, his heavy voice mixing with his breaths by my side. His lips parted to close around my ears as he hummed, and my mind seemed to burst. It was soft and warm, and the tactile impressions left by his sucking felt like tiny ants itching across my skin.
“It’s too much trouble to take off, which Zhen dislikes.”
This was brazenly taking liberties. I felt unusually indignant and terribly shy, but there was no place to hide. I could only say without any hint of force, “Let go already.”
The effect was just a little shy of an ant snorting.
“Zhen won’t let go. You should know…” There was a faint hint of a smile in his words as he regarded me warmly, long fingers brushing against my cheeks. “My thoughts of you grow deeper day after day.”
I was a little dumbfounded. He smiled and held me tighter.
The bed curtains were all down and the light was hazy. It was a little hard to breathe with him crushing me. I could faintly hear the sound of his pendants moving, as if he was taking off his robes. My mind was in a heavy daze when I raised my head to grab the curtains…at least to get a breath of fresh air.
He bent over and tightly gripped my wrist, not letting me go. His expression was filled with the energy of an easy victory, the aura very much like an emperor…but to use it here… This person, how could he do such a thing?
He raised so many male concubines in the palace without accepting a single female. He should like men, so he shouldn’t be able to act like this with me. Yet the truth was far from reality.
“What are you thinking about…why don’t you speak?” his hands dug in my robes and held me, fingers lightly rubbing against my skin. “…is it ticklish? Don’t hide away…”
Tears, why was he so interested in women? Can anyone tell me the reason? I took a breath and covered myself, turning my head away while I shot him a hazy look. I felt extremely puzzled and wronged.
“Y…y-you…this is…”
His face was half wreathed in light, half in shadow, making his features hard to discern. I could only see the area from his nose to his chin, clean and resolute like a proper man, making it hard for people to look away. His hand was pressed on my shoulders.
“Right now, your heart has no one else in it but me.” When he spoke to himself, I could tell…that something was putting him ill at ease.
He slowly lowered his body, the remaining materials of his clothing tickling my skin. Against my exposed back, he left a trail of increasing frentic kisses that were somehow filled with sorrow. When he released my hand, I took the chance to grab the bed crtains.
The dim lighting seemed to daze and confuse me.
His messy hair draped down as he reached out to hold me, the light casting his shadow in sharp relief against the curtains. An arm wrapped around my belly and waist as he slowly tightened his grip to embrace me. In the dark, I could feel his finger brushing across my forehead and face…the movements soft and gentle, but without any warmth.
He said, ‘Shao’er, you’re still as beautiful as before…no, even more beautiful.’
He said, ‘You’re Zhen’s woman.’
His words left me at a loss…and I forgot to resist, as if everything happening was a natural course of events. Those familiar, warm lips pressed against mine. He had the kind of sweeping forehead to drive a person to depravity, and the singular scent of a man as he embraced me intimately, and yet at this moment…
He lowered his head and spoke in a low voice, “What are you secretly giggling about?”
“Don’t you like men?”
Abruptly, he raised his head, eyes widening minutely as they stared at me with a handsome yet gentle gaze. From that…I realized I was wrong. It was too late to crawl away now, tears…
Chaos fell upon the darkness.
—
When I came to my senses, I was directly in contact with his slender yet sturdy bare waist. He held onto my head, staring at me like he was going to ravage me, that innate air of sovereignty now incredibly potent. My body softened like a puddle of water, but I still tried to crawl and resist.
He bent my knee and held onto my thigh, gentle caressing it to turn them soft and powerless. Then he grabbed my shoulders and shifted my body over. With a hand on my head he looked at me, getting an eyeful.
Longing shone from his eyes.
“Shao’er…” he called out gently with warm breaths against my ear, thin lips touching my breasts, a little scalding. It was as if he wanted to suck me into his body.
Suddenly, I couldn’t hold back a moan. He bent forward to embrace me tightly in his arms, and that hot, hard rod squeezed into that soft and tender point between my thighs. I could sense a searing heat that made me feel incredibly helpless. His head moved closer and gently sniffed my neck. He seemed to be saying something, but I couldn’t hear it clearly.
He moved his waist forward a little more, and I felt as though my body was being pulled apart. This feeling of slowly being filled could even be called…too painful. Having difficulty enduring, I tightly gripped onto the bedsheets.
Fortunately, he quickly dodged before I bit him.
He looked to be enduring patiently and there was a layer of sweat on his resolute face, yet he didn’t forget to stroke my hair with his hand and wipe away my sweat. Right as I relaxed, he held onto my body from both sides and fiercely thrust into me without any hesitation. My twisted face could be described as pained.
Hesitating, he gazed at me in astonishment before the look in his eyes became joy, then amazement.
Was anything wrong? Yet I was so dazed I couldn’t figure out what it was. I wasn’t used to the sudden, severe pain that had suddenly appeared. He held me tightly and spoke in a cold voice without warmth, “I won’t lose you again…”
Although the tone was flat, I knew…his heart was flustered and trembling. My blankness deepened as my mind grew empty. Within the dim bed curtains, all I remembered was his nimble fingers. I’d neglected any other matters of importance.
His body rocked slightly as he inched forwards, as if wanting to bury himself in my deepest parts…until we became one. My body followed that rough, coarse sensation until his movements swept me away wave after wave, releasing a surge of intoxicating torrents.
The colorful flowers on the bed curtains seemed to deepen…
My eyes opened wide, and I felt a little lost. He was slow and steady one moment, fierce and furious the next. The torment he caused me made it hard to breathe. His own breaths made me feel dizzy. My train of thoughts grew more and more distant until they blurred. I could only recall the last thing he said…
Now there won’t be anyone to contend with me. You belong to me, and me alone.
—
With this, the things that were supposed to happened had occurred. The ambiguous odors of the aftermath lingered within the bed curtains long after it was over. I opened my eyes and looked up towards the hazy yellow curtains. The light that shone through blended together the flowers on the fabric, while the air was still filled with that ambiguous scent.
I shifted a bit, but his hand on my waist prevented me from getting up. Instead, he turned over and held me in place with his body, childishly burying his face between my shoulder blades. I gave him a lazy glance. He tilted his head to look at my body, not a hint of drowsiness in his eyes.
I couldn’t bear it anymore and tugged on the bedcovers, turning over my body to look at him. “Didn’t you say…that I was your woman long ago…?”
So then why was there blood on the sheets? My fingers found the spot and brushed over it.
He kept me company with his smile and scooped me into an embrace, a bright voice speaking clearly into my ear. It sounded like he was in excellent spirits. “How did I know that you were only playing house with your little friends?”
The gladness in his voice was all too evident, and his smile was boundlessly gentle and soft. His gaze on me only increased in feelings and affection. But…why didn’t I understand?
What ‘little friends?’
“It’s getting late, don’t go off into flights of fancy. Sleep.” He helped to tuck me in.
How could I sleep?
As the saying goes, a ruler doesn’t joke around with his remarks. But I had no way to understand most of what he said, nor could I tell the truth from the lies, even if I guessed. I turned my head to look at him, that eminently handsome face illuminated by the dim, hazy light. Despite everything…maybe he truly loved me. He always treated me well, and his movements and expressions shouldn’t be fake. But still, what was the story behind the male concubine in the Cold Palace…?
He grasped the hand I’d rested on his forehead, speaking lightly. “Actually, I should have told you earlier. After the previous emperor died, General Qi assumed control of the military powers and gained great influence in the court. But he was still unsatisfied and tried every way possible to send woman into the imperial harem. If his daughter can become the empress, then he’ll feel like he has nothing to fear before Zhen.
…these years, Zhen’s beat him at his own game by liking men and raising male concubines, but I didn’t expect that old thing to…”
These were all affairs of the court, so why was he telling me?
He stopped, gentle eyes trailing down to see my damp hair with a small smile. He drew my chin closer with a shady look and dropped me a kiss. “Now that he knows of your existence, I doubt he’ll leave the matter at that… Stay carefully by my side and don’t go anywhere, all right…?”
By now, I was really getting sleepy and lifted my eyes with effort. He smiled lightly and held me tight, before attacking my drowsy self. But truthfully speaking, it really was nice and warm when he held me…
Even though everything was soft and sweet, why…did I still feel this was all very strange…?
