Chapter 6
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Reflet was a weird town.
And by this I mean it was a mess of architectural styles. There were tall brick constructions I could see that had more in common with the post-Renaissance period, with painted smooth painted walls and white accented corners. There were also wattle and daub buildings – you know, the one with white plaster and wooden crossposts, so emblematic of medieval fantasy – side-by-side. Yet in a way that was clean and tidy.
The streets were wide made of mostly flat but irregularly-shaped flagstones. There was not much horse traffic, though I suppose most of that happened behind this merchant district (the loading and unloading of goods). This clean, wide thoroughfare was made for walking.
There was a faintly modern feeling to it… there were no street stalls, no people hawking things on the street. The windows were also plate glass. That used to be expensive. Really expensive, really odd. Even Zanac's clothes had some faintly modern cuts to their styles. There was a lot that implied easy mass production in this other world.
When I mentioned that, Monika replied /"Well, who said magic cannot be used for mass production? You've seen Avatar - Aang and Korra - and how bending could be used for industrial purposes. The Fine Nation could slough out large amounts of good steel because they could precisely control temperature. The Earth Kingdoms used planes of smooth polished rock for everything, vastly superior to concrete."/
"That just leads to the question of who built the elaborate Air Nomad temples on top of mountains and sheer cliffs. Very likely agreements with Earthbenders, but as a nomadic people I wonder what they traded."
/"Well they did have a practical monopoly on air travel with their sky bison. Maybe they just, you know, traded everything."/
Ah, the irony of a culture dedicated to pacifism and austerity being filthy, filthy rich. Oh the joys of being in a fully realized fantasy world.
I looked at the people around me. Quite lot of them openly carried weapons. Hmm. Maybe I should carry one as well, if just not to look like an easy mark. "I should have asked for a cloak back at Zanac's place."
/"Why?"/
"So later I can dramatically reveal the sword underneath. You know, like how gunslingers used ponchos and trench coats to do the same thing."
/"Sounds legit."/
And then after making a show of thinking about it, she added /"If your bag is under the purse, that would make it harder to snatch, wouldn't it? All those lovely high-tech equipment... even reduce the risk of getting them wet."/ She nodded and gave me a faintly admiring look that said /'I understand your meaning now'./
Monika I was being serious. I am legally blind. Let me be Batman, pls.
--
After walking a little bit further, we heard some noises coming from an alley. Loud, angry noises, like an argument of some kind. One of the voices involved was that of a woman.
Monika said, /"Turn right here."/
"What? Isn't the inn down this road? We already turned right earlier, do we need to take a shortcut?"
/"The path just changed,"/ She showed how the plotted route required that we should turn right straight into the alley. /"A more obvious plot hook I've never seen."/
I considered it. We could choose NOT to do this, of course, in clear defiance of the plan of whatever power put us here. We could just… ignore it. It was probably none of our business anyway.
It was actually a surprise that Monika was so willing to play along… until I remembered that as a mere digital intelligence in a world without an information network, she couldn't help me directly. She wouldn't be able to do anything but watch me suffer.
The risk factors of going against an unknown being of cosmic power compared to the shenanigans we might find in that alley… well, as we talked about earlier, the GM would be more likely to fudge rolls in our favor if we were good role-players. She would be willing to let her life be ruled by cruel factors beyond her control again rather than see me get hurt.
"Monika…"
/"We won't ever really be safe. I accept that. We are all just players in someone's game."/ She took a deep breath and then put her hands over her heart. /"But I'm not alone anymore. As long as we're together, I trust that we'll all turn out all right."/
I remembered the words embedded into her file and grinned. "This is our story. It's time to be a fucking hero."
I pivoted to the right and walked into the dim space between four-story buildings. "Both of us."
--
As I moved into the alley I saw that my way was blocked by the backs of two burly men. As I followed the wall to look past them, I saw two girls on the other side. It was a dead end. A robbery? Threat of ****? In broad daylight? How despicable!
"That's not what we agreed on earlier! You said you'd buy it for one gold!" It was one of the girls that said this.
Oh shite did we stumble on a drug deal, Monika? Whoever said fantasy cocaine can't be a thing?
But it was odd. Those two girls look oddly adorable. They were around my physical age, maybe younger, and wore mostly matching cute outfits. They had purple shirts with puffy sleeves with a white center in a reverse V down from their neckline, accentuated by vertical pleats. Both had anime bright white hair. They also looked very similar, maybe even twins, if it wasn't for the difference in haircuts – the one with longer hair looked angry, while the one with shorter hair stood by biting her lip uncertainly.
They had green skirts and ties in another surprisingly modern touch. Certainly not the type I figured to be drug dealers, but I guess it takes all kinds?
I mean, there's only one another worse possibility for 'buying it' from cute girls.
"What do ya mean, girlie? I said I'd buy for one gold if it was undamaged, but lookit here! It's scratched! A damaged antler like this is worth one silver at best!" One of the men sneered and threw a silver coin onto the ground. Oh. So that was not actually a weapon. "And that's all we're giving you. Scram!"
"Uuuh! That wasn't there when we gave it to you! You didn't even intend on giving us a fair deal in the first place, didn't you? Give it back!" the long-haired girl snarled out.
"Haaah? What are you talkin' about? It's a fair trade, we already paid ya." He pointed to the ground while the other one threateningly showed off his knife. "We can't be having people back out on a deal, that's just ain't right."
My cheeks twitched. "Okay, this is getting stupid. We're going to have to do something about this."
/"Really? I mean, great! Okay, let's go be heros!"/
"Seriously, giving up the merchandise without receiving payment first? That's not even how sales work. Everybody here needs to get some practical education!" I walked forward, cracking my knuckles.
/"Um… what?"/
"HELLO PEOPLE MAKING SUSPICIOUS DEALS IN BACK ALLEYS, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!"
Everyone jerked in surprise, and turned towards me. The men whirled around in a combative crouch, but the two girls seemed confused. Though I did notice that one of the girls, the long-haired-one, was wearing heavy gauntlets now for some reason.
"… who the heck are you and what the frek do you want?"
I pointed at the crystal branch he held in his hands. "Crystal Deer Antler. Interesting, what is it? Is the sort of thing where if you powder it and snort it up your nose you go… owowoohooo?" I made jazz hands to demonstrate.
"What the hell even…" The thug with bandana holding on to the antler scowled in confusion. "Get out of here, you idiot!"
"I think I might be interested in that sort of thing." I reached into my jacket and took out a gold coin. "And incidentally I do happen to have one gold."
"Um… excuse me. Excuse me, sir!"
I craned my neck to look past the thugs to the short-haired girl. She had a hand raised as if in class. "Yeees?"
"Crystal Deer Antler is mainly useful as magical foci. Not…" and here she copied my hand gestures from earlier. "Ooowhoo-ooo."
/"These guys were planning on cheating such a cute girl! Beat them up for me, Playa!"/ Monika shouted.
"Nevertheless. So would you be willing to sell it to me?"
Confusion was replaced with slow realization on the other girl's face. "… sure. Yes!" The long-haired girl raised her metal-clad fists. "It's a deal!"
"HEY! I have the antler!" the thug from earlier complained.
"Art thou a moron? A transaction isn't complete until money changes hands. If you're going to do that, you might as just go ahead and rob them instead of offering a pittance. I mean, if these girls were actually any less moral all it would take is for them to run screaming out of here shouting that you had robbed them." I shook my head sadly. "You paid them one silver? THAT WAS ALWAYS THEIR MONEY, YOU'RE A FILTHY LYING THIEF, YOU THIEF."
Everyone stared at me again. The thug then began to chuckle. "Oh, you're smart. You're real smart, stranger. But you don't know this town. Our word against two little troublemakers? We're real adventurers, man. You don't want to mess with this."
/"So really they just wanted to not technically be robbing people? I don't get it."/ Monika tilted her head to the side and then her expression brightened. /"Oh! Maybe Truth spells?!"/
"Meh," I said to him, "Possession is nine-tenths of the law – if you can actually keep possession of the thing."
I quickly flicked the gold coin across the distance towards the girls, and as everyone's eyes instinctively turned to follow the treasure, no one else noticed me take my other hand out from my other jacket. And its shoulder holster.
I did mention I LOVED having lots of pockets, right? That I would bring almost everything necessary for my survival on my person just in case ever randomly abducted, transported, or stranded somewhere? Of course that should include implements for self-defense.
Phut. Phut. Phut.
The lead thug got three pepper balls to face. He began screaming instantly. The crystal antler dropped to the ground as he clutched his face, and shattered.
The other one took out a knife and charged at me, screaming in rage. For some reason I felt calm. In my vision, red arrows appeared pointing to right. Like a quicktime event, I stepped to the right. Then another red symbol, and long thin red arrow with blinking explosion graphic at the tip. I adjusted my arm to overlap it and pulled the trigger to my little pepper ball thrower.
Phut.
He staggered past me, coughing and wheezing, and collapsed out of the alley. His knife clattered out onto the open street, to the shocked gasps of the curious passers-by hanging around the alley's edge.
/"Whew. I can't believe that worked!"/ Monika wheezed. /"I helped! I really helped!"/
I walked over and mercilessly kicked him somewhere around the solar plexus.
/"Player what?!"/
Those who are willing to stab someone in the gut should be ready to accept getting kicked in the same, all I'm saying.
As he doubled over, the breath driven out of him, and as the mood of the onlookers turned from scandalized to fearful, I shouted out "STOPPING A ROBBERY. NOTHING UNUSUAL HERE. IF THERE ARE OFFICERS OF THE PEACE, PLEASE CALL THEM. ANYONE HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME ROPE? ANYONE? NO?"
/"Are you seriously just going to Bavarian Fire Drill⁽¹⁾ your way out of this?"/
I shrugged. "WELL NOT MY PROBLEM. WE'RE DONE HERE."
The screaming from inside the alley had stopped, presumably from someone getting knocked the fugg out with heavy metal fists. The girls walked out, with the long-haired one frowning faintly at me. The other shyer one was holding the gold coin. She held it out to me. "Umm. I think you dropped this."
I shook my head. "Keep it. I'm sorry about smashing your Crystal Deer Horn."
"Really? I mean, it would help us out, but…" The long-haired girl turned to look back at the alley. "Getting something for nothing is kind of…"
"Let's talk about that later. FOR NOW, WE SKEDDALE!"
And so we did just that.
--
--
--
AN:
⁽¹⁾ Bavarian Fire Drill - just look like you know what you're doing as a person of authority, and you can get a surprising amount of people to go along with whatever you're saying.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BavarianFireDrill
"Military bases were much like beehives: It was very difficult to get inside, but once you were in everyone just sort of assumed you'd been cleared by management and let you go about your business."
— Good Omens
Please report us if you find any errors so we can fix it asap!
Reflet was a weird town.
And by this I mean it was a mess of architectural styles. There were tall brick constructions I could see that had more in common with the post-Renaissance period, with painted smooth painted walls and white accented corners. There were also wattle and daub buildings – you know, the one with white plaster and wooden crossposts, so emblematic of medieval fantasy – side-by-side. Yet in a way that was clean and tidy.
The streets were wide made of mostly flat but irregularly-shaped flagstones. There was not much horse traffic, though I suppose most of that happened behind this merchant district (the loading and unloading of goods). This clean, wide thoroughfare was made for walking.
There was a faintly modern feeling to it… there were no street stalls, no people hawking things on the street. The windows were also plate glass. That used to be expensive. Really expensive, really odd. Even Zanac's clothes had some faintly modern cuts to their styles. There was a lot that implied easy mass production in this other world.
When I mentioned that, Monika replied /"Well, who said magic cannot be used for mass production? You've seen Avatar - Aang and Korra - and how bending could be used for industrial purposes. The Fine Nation could slough out large amounts of good steel because they could precisely control temperature. The Earth Kingdoms used planes of smooth polished rock for everything, vastly superior to concrete."/
"That just leads to the question of who built the elaborate Air Nomad temples on top of mountains and sheer cliffs. Very likely agreements with Earthbenders, but as a nomadic people I wonder what they traded."
/"Well they did have a practical monopoly on air travel with their sky bison. Maybe they just, you know, traded everything."/
Ah, the irony of a culture dedicated to pacifism and austerity being filthy, filthy rich. Oh the joys of being in a fully realized fantasy world.
I looked at the people around me. Quite lot of them openly carried weapons. Hmm. Maybe I should carry one as well, if just not to look like an easy mark. "I should have asked for a cloak back at Zanac's place."
/"Why?"/
"So later I can dramatically reveal the sword underneath. You know, like how gunslingers used ponchos and trench coats to do the same thing."
/"Sounds legit."/
And then after making a show of thinking about it, she added /"If your bag is under the purse, that would make it harder to snatch, wouldn't it? All those lovely high-tech equipment... even reduce the risk of getting them wet."/ She nodded and gave me a faintly admiring look that said /'I understand your meaning now'./
Monika I was being serious. I am legally blind. Let me be Batman, pls.
--
After walking a little bit further, we heard some noises coming from an alley. Loud, angry noises, like an argument of some kind. One of the voices involved was that of a woman.
Monika said, /"Turn right here."/
"What? Isn't the inn down this road? We already turned right earlier, do we need to take a shortcut?"
/"The path just changed,"/ She showed how the plotted route required that we should turn right straight into the alley. /"A more obvious plot hook I've never seen."/
I considered it. We could choose NOT to do this, of course, in clear defiance of the plan of whatever power put us here. We could just… ignore it. It was probably none of our business anyway.
It was actually a surprise that Monika was so willing to play along… until I remembered that as a mere digital intelligence in a world without an information network, she couldn't help me directly. She wouldn't be able to do anything but watch me suffer.
The risk factors of going against an unknown being of cosmic power compared to the shenanigans we might find in that alley… well, as we talked about earlier, the GM would be more likely to fudge rolls in our favor if we were good role-players. She would be willing to let her life be ruled by cruel factors beyond her control again rather than see me get hurt.
"Monika…"
/"We won't ever really be safe. I accept that. We are all just players in someone's game."/ She took a deep breath and then put her hands over her heart. /"But I'm not alone anymore. As long as we're together, I trust that we'll all turn out all right."/
I remembered the words embedded into her file and grinned. "This is our story. It's time to be a fucking hero."
I pivoted to the right and walked into the dim space between four-story buildings. "Both of us."
--
As I moved into the alley I saw that my way was blocked by the backs of two burly men. As I followed the wall to look past them, I saw two girls on the other side. It was a dead end. A robbery? Threat of ****? In broad daylight? How despicable!
"That's not what we agreed on earlier! You said you'd buy it for one gold!" It was one of the girls that said this.
Oh shite did we stumble on a drug deal, Monika? Whoever said fantasy cocaine can't be a thing?
But it was odd. Those two girls look oddly adorable. They were around my physical age, maybe younger, and wore mostly matching cute outfits. They had purple shirts with puffy sleeves with a white center in a reverse V down from their neckline, accentuated by vertical pleats. Both had anime bright white hair. They also looked very similar, maybe even twins, if it wasn't for the difference in haircuts – the one with longer hair looked angry, while the one with shorter hair stood by biting her lip uncertainly.
They had green skirts and ties in another surprisingly modern touch. Certainly not the type I figured to be drug dealers, but I guess it takes all kinds?
I mean, there's only one another worse possibility for 'buying it' from cute girls.
"What do ya mean, girlie? I said I'd buy for one gold if it was undamaged, but lookit here! It's scratched! A damaged antler like this is worth one silver at best!" One of the men sneered and threw a silver coin onto the ground. Oh. So that was not actually a weapon. "And that's all we're giving you. Scram!"
"Uuuh! That wasn't there when we gave it to you! You didn't even intend on giving us a fair deal in the first place, didn't you? Give it back!" the long-haired girl snarled out.
"Haaah? What are you talkin' about? It's a fair trade, we already paid ya." He pointed to the ground while the other one threateningly showed off his knife. "We can't be having people back out on a deal, that's just ain't right."
My cheeks twitched. "Okay, this is getting stupid. We're going to have to do something about this."
/"Really? I mean, great! Okay, let's go be heros!"/
"Seriously, giving up the merchandise without receiving payment first? That's not even how sales work. Everybody here needs to get some practical education!" I walked forward, cracking my knuckles.
/"Um… what?"/
"HELLO PEOPLE MAKING SUSPICIOUS DEALS IN BACK ALLEYS, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!"
Everyone jerked in surprise, and turned towards me. The men whirled around in a combative crouch, but the two girls seemed confused. Though I did notice that one of the girls, the long-haired-one, was wearing heavy gauntlets now for some reason.
"… who the heck are you and what the frek do you want?"
I pointed at the crystal branch he held in his hands. "Crystal Deer Antler. Interesting, what is it? Is the sort of thing where if you powder it and snort it up your nose you go… owowoohooo?" I made jazz hands to demonstrate.
"What the hell even…" The thug with bandana holding on to the antler scowled in confusion. "Get out of here, you idiot!"
"I think I might be interested in that sort of thing." I reached into my jacket and took out a gold coin. "And incidentally I do happen to have one gold."
"Um… excuse me. Excuse me, sir!"
I craned my neck to look past the thugs to the short-haired girl. She had a hand raised as if in class. "Yeees?"
"Crystal Deer Antler is mainly useful as magical foci. Not…" and here she copied my hand gestures from earlier. "Ooowhoo-ooo."
/"These guys were planning on cheating such a cute girl! Beat them up for me, Playa!"/ Monika shouted.
"Nevertheless. So would you be willing to sell it to me?"
Confusion was replaced with slow realization on the other girl's face. "… sure. Yes!" The long-haired girl raised her metal-clad fists. "It's a deal!"
"HEY! I have the antler!" the thug from earlier complained.
"Art thou a moron? A transaction isn't complete until money changes hands. If you're going to do that, you might as just go ahead and rob them instead of offering a pittance. I mean, if these girls were actually any less moral all it would take is for them to run screaming out of here shouting that you had robbed them." I shook my head sadly. "You paid them one silver? THAT WAS ALWAYS THEIR MONEY, YOU'RE A FILTHY LYING THIEF, YOU THIEF."
Everyone stared at me again. The thug then began to chuckle. "Oh, you're smart. You're real smart, stranger. But you don't know this town. Our word against two little troublemakers? We're real adventurers, man. You don't want to mess with this."
/"So really they just wanted to not technically be robbing people? I don't get it."/ Monika tilted her head to the side and then her expression brightened. /"Oh! Maybe Truth spells?!"/
"Meh," I said to him, "Possession is nine-tenths of the law – if you can actually keep possession of the thing."
I quickly flicked the gold coin across the distance towards the girls, and as everyone's eyes instinctively turned to follow the treasure, no one else noticed me take my other hand out from my other jacket. And its shoulder holster.
I did mention I LOVED having lots of pockets, right? That I would bring almost everything necessary for my survival on my person just in case ever randomly abducted, transported, or stranded somewhere? Of course that should include implements for self-defense.
Phut. Phut. Phut.
The lead thug got three pepper balls to face. He began screaming instantly. The crystal antler dropped to the ground as he clutched his face, and shattered.
The other one took out a knife and charged at me, screaming in rage. For some reason I felt calm. In my vision, red arrows appeared pointing to right. Like a quicktime event, I stepped to the right. Then another red symbol, and long thin red arrow with blinking explosion graphic at the tip. I adjusted my arm to overlap it and pulled the trigger to my little pepper ball thrower.
Phut.
He staggered past me, coughing and wheezing, and collapsed out of the alley. His knife clattered out onto the open street, to the shocked gasps of the curious passers-by hanging around the alley's edge.
/"Whew. I can't believe that worked!"/ Monika wheezed. /"I helped! I really helped!"/
I walked over and mercilessly kicked him somewhere around the solar plexus.
/"Player what?!"/
Those who are willing to stab someone in the gut should be ready to accept getting kicked in the same, all I'm saying.
As he doubled over, the breath driven out of him, and as the mood of the onlookers turned from scandalized to fearful, I shouted out "STOPPING A ROBBERY. NOTHING UNUSUAL HERE. IF THERE ARE OFFICERS OF THE PEACE, PLEASE CALL THEM. ANYONE HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME ROPE? ANYONE? NO?"
/"Are you seriously just going to Bavarian Fire Drill⁽¹⁾ your way out of this?"/
I shrugged. "WELL NOT MY PROBLEM. WE'RE DONE HERE."
The screaming from inside the alley had stopped, presumably from someone getting knocked the fugg out with heavy metal fists. The girls walked out, with the long-haired one frowning faintly at me. The other shyer one was holding the gold coin. She held it out to me. "Umm. I think you dropped this."
I shook my head. "Keep it. I'm sorry about smashing your Crystal Deer Horn."
"Really? I mean, it would help us out, but…" The long-haired girl turned to look back at the alley. "Getting something for nothing is kind of…"
"Let's talk about that later. FOR NOW, WE SKEDDALE!"
And so we did just that.
--
--
--
AN:
⁽¹⁾ Bavarian Fire Drill - just look like you know what you're doing as a person of authority, and you can get a surprising amount of people to go along with whatever you're saying.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BavarianFireDrill
"Military bases were much like beehives: It was very difficult to get inside, but once you were in everyone just sort of assumed you'd been cleared by management and let you go about your business."
— Good Omens
Reflet was a weird town.And by this I mean it was a mess of architectural styles. There were tall brick constructions I could see that had more in common with the post-Renaissance period, with painted smooth painted walls and white accented corners. There were also wattle and daub buildings you know, the one with white plaster and wooden crossposts, so emblematic of medieval fantasy side-by-side. Yet in a way that was clean and tidy.The streets were wide made of mostly flat but irregularly-shaped flagstones. There was not much horse traffic, though I suppose most of that happened behind this merchant district the loading and unloading of goods. This clean, wide thoroughfare was made for walking.There was a faintly modern feeling to it there were no street stalls, no people hawking things on the street. The windows were also plate glass. That used to be expensive. Really expensive, really odd. Even Zanac's clothes had some faintly modern cuts to their styles. There was a lot that implied easy mass production in this other world.When I mentioned that, Monika replied /"Well, who said magic cannot be used for mass production? You've seen Avatar - Aang and Korra - and how bending could be used for industrial purposes. The Fine Nation could slough out large amounts of good steel because they could precisely control temperature. The Earth Kingdoms used planes of smooth polished rock for everything, vastly superior to concrete."/"That just leads to the question of who built the elaborate Air Nomad temples on top of mountains and sheer cliffs. Very likely agreements with Earthbenders, but as a nomadic people I wonder what they traded."/"Well they did have a practical monopoly on air travel with their sky bison. Maybe they just, you know, traded everything."/Ah, the irony of a culture dedicated to pacifism and austerity being filthy, filthy rich. Oh the joys of being in a fully realized fantasy world.I looked at the people around me. Quite lot of them openly carried weapons. Hmm. Maybe I should carry one as well, if just not to look like an easy mark. "I should have asked for a cloak back at Zanac's place."/"Why?"/"So later I can dramatically reveal the sword underneath. You know, like how gunslingers used ponchos and trench coats to do the same thing."/"Sounds legit."/And then after making a show of thinking about it, she added /"If your bag is under the purse, that would make it harder to snatch, wouldn't it? All those lovely high-tech equipment... even reduce the risk of getting them wet."/ She nodded and gave me a faintly admiring look that said /'I understand your meaning now'./Monika I was being serious. I am legally blind. Let me be Batman, pls.--After walking a little bit further, we heard some noises coming from an alley. Loud, angry noises, like an argument of some kind. One of the voices involved was that of a woman.Monika said, /"Turn right here."/"What? Isn't the inn down this road? We already turned right earlier, do we need to take a shortcut?"/"The path just changed,"/ She showed how the plotted route required that we should turn right straight into the alley. /"A more obvious plot hook I've never seen."/I considered it. We could choose NOT to do this, of course, in clear defiance of the plan of whatever power put us here. We could just ignore it. It was probably none of our business anyway.It was actually a surprise that Monika was so willing to play along until I remembered that as a mere digital intelligence in a world without an information network, she couldn't help me directly. She wouldn't be able to do anything but watch me suffer.The risk factors of going against an unknown being of cosmic power compared to the shenanigans we might find in that alley well, as we talked about earlier, the GM would be more likely to fudge rolls in our favor if we were good role-players. She would be willing to let her life be ruled by cruel factors beyond her control again rather than see me get hurt."Monika"/"We won't ever really be safe. I accept that. We are all just players in someone's game."/ She took a deep breath and then put her hands over her heart. /"But I'm not alone anymore. As long as we're together, I trust that we'll all turn out all right."/I remembered the words embedded into her file and grinned. "This is our story. It's time to be a fucking hero."I pivoted to the right and walked into the dim space between four-story buildings. "Both of us."--As I moved into the alley I saw that my way was blocked by the backs of two burly men. As I followed the wall to look past them, I saw two girls on the other side. It was a dead end. A robbery? Threat of ****? In broad daylight? How despicable!"That's not what we agreed on earlier! You said you'd buy it for one gold!" It was one of the girls that said this.Oh shite did we stumble on a drug deal, Monika? Whoever said fantasy cocaine can't be a thing?But it was odd. Those two girls look oddly adorable. They were around my physical age, maybe younger, and wore mostly matching cute outfits. They had purple shirts with puffy sleeves with a white center in a reverse V down from their neckline, accentuated by vertical pleats. Both had anime bright white hair. They also looked very similar, maybe even twins, if it wasn't for the difference in haircuts the one with longer hair looked angry, while the one with shorter hair stood by biting her lip uncertainly.They had green skirts and ties in another surprisingly modern touch. Certainly not the type I figured to be drug dealers, but I guess it takes all kinds?I mean, there's only one another worse possibility for 'buying it' from cute girls."What do ya mean, girlie? I said I'd buy for one gold if it was undamaged, but lookit here! It's scratched! A damaged antler like this is worth one silver at best!" One of the men sneered and threw a silver coin onto the ground. Oh. So that was not actually a weapon. "And that's all we're giving you. Scram!""Uuuh! That wasn't there when we gave it to you! You didn't even intend on giving us a fair deal in the first place, didn't you? Give it back!" the long-haired girl snarled out."Haaah? What are you talkin' about? It's a fair trade, we already paid ya." He pointed to the ground while the other one threateningly showed off his knife. "We can't be having people back out on a deal, that's just ain't right."My cheeks twitched. "Okay, this is getting stupid. We're going to have to do something about this."/"Really? I mean, great! Okay, let's go be heros!"/"Seriously, giving up the merchandise without receiving payment first? That's not even how sales work. Everybody here needs to get some practical education!" I walked forward, cracking my knuckles./"Um what?"/"HELLO PEOPLE MAKING SUSPICIOUS DEALS IN BACK ALLEYS, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!"Everyone jerked in surprise, and turned towards me. The men whirled around in a combative crouch, but the two girls seemed confused. Though I did notice that one of the girls, the long-haired-one, was wearing heavy gauntlets now for some reason." who the heck are you and what the frek do you want?"I pointed at the crystal branch he held in his hands. "Crystal Deer Antler. Interesting, what is it? Is the sort of thing where if you powder it and snort it up your nose you go owowoohooo?" I made jazz hands to demonstrate."What the hell even" The thug with bandana holding on to the antler scowled in confusion. "Get out of here, you idiot!""I think I might be interested in that sort of thing." I reached into my jacket and took out a gold coin. "And incidentally I do happen to have one gold.""Um excuse me. Excuse me, sir!"I craned my neck to look past the thugs to the short-haired girl. She had a hand raised as if in class. "Yeees?""Crystal Deer Antler is mainly useful as magical foci. Not" and here she copied my hand gestures from earlier. "Ooowhoo-ooo."/"These guys were planning on cheating such a cute girl! Beat them up for me, Playa!"/ Monika shouted."Nevertheless. So would you be willing to sell it to me?"Confusion was replaced with slow realization on the other girl's face. " sure. Yes!" The long-haired girl raised her metal-clad fists. "It's a deal!""HEY! I have the antler!" the thug from earlier complained."Art thou a moron? A transaction isn't complete until money changes hands. If you're going to do that, you might as just go ahead and rob them instead of offering a pittance. I mean, if these girls were actually any less moral all it would take is for them to run screaming out of here shouting that you had robbed them." I shook my head sadly. "You paid them one silver? THAT WAS ALWAYS THEIR MONEY, YOU'RE A FILTHY LYING THIEF, YOU THIEF."Everyone stared at me again. The thug then began to chuckle. "Oh, you're smart. You're real smart, stranger. But you don't know this town. Our word against two little troublemakers? We're real adventurers, man. You don't want to mess with this."/"So really they just wanted to not technically be robbing people? I don't get it."/ Monika tilted her head to the side and then her expression brightened. /"Oh! Maybe Truth spells?!"/"Meh," I said to him, "Possession is nine-tenths of the law if you can actually keep possession of the thing."I quickly flicked the gold coin across the distance towards the girls, and as everyone's eyes instinctively turned to follow the treasure, no one else noticed me take my other hand out from my other jacket. And its shoulder holster.I did mention I LOVED having lots of pockets, right? That I would bring almost everything necessary for my survival on my person just in case ever randomly abducted, transported, or stranded somewhere? Of course that should include implements for self-defense.Phut. Phut. Phut.The lead thug got three pepper balls to face. He began screaming instantly. The crystal antler dropped to the ground as he clutched his face, and shattered.The other one took out a knife and charged at me, screaming in rage. For some reason I felt calm. In my vision, red arrows appeared pointing to right. Like a quicktime event, I stepped to the right. Then another red symbol, and long thin red arrow with blinking explosion graphic at the tip. I adjusted my arm to overlap it and pulled the trigger to my little pepper ball thrower.Phut.He staggered past me, coughing and wheezing, and collapsed out of the alley. His knife clattered out onto the open street, to the shocked gasps of the curious passers-by hanging around the alley's edge./"Whew. I can't believe that worked!"/ Monika wheezed. /"I helped! I really helped!"/I walked over and mercilessly kicked him somewhere around the solar plexus./"Player what?!"/Those who are willing to stab someone in the gut should be ready to accept getting kicked in the same, all I'm saying.As he doubled over, the breath driven out of him, and as the mood of the onlookers turned from scandalized to fearful, I shouted out "STOPPING A ROBBERY. NOTHING UNUSUAL HERE. IF THERE ARE OFFICERS OF THE PEACE, PLEASE CALL THEM. ANYONE HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME ROPE? ANYONE? NO?"/"Are you seriously just going to Bavarian Fire Drill your way out of this?"/I shrugged. "WELL NOT MY PROBLEM. WE'RE DONE HERE."The screaming from inside the alley had stopped, presumably from someone getting knocked the fugg out with heavy metal fists. The girls walked out, with the long-haired one frowning faintly at me. The other shyer one was holding the gold coin. She held it out to me. "Umm. I think you dropped this."I shook my head. "Keep it. I'm sorry about smashing your Crystal Deer Horn.""Really? I mean, it would help us out, but" The long-haired girl turned to look back at the alley. "Getting something for nothing is kind of""Let's talk about that later. FOR NOW, WE SKEDDALE!"And so we did just that.------AN: Bavarian Fire Drill - just look like you know what you're doing as a person of authority, and you can get a surprising amount of people to go along with whatever you're saying.http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BavarianFireDrill"Military bases were much like beehives: It was very difficult to get inside, but once you were in everyone just sort of assumed you'd been cleared by management and let you go about your business." Good Omens
