By the time I finally calmed down enough to get over our confrontation on my lawn, I remembered I had spin class in 45 minutes. Swearing, I dashed into my bathroom, glancing at the clock on my way past and mentally calculating whether I'd make it in time.
Stripping off my running clothes, I jumped into the still-cold spray, shrieking at the temperature and also my neighbor—make that Travis—who'd not only ruined my runner's high, but also prevented me from stretching and enjoying my shower.
I had finished showering, thrown on some bike clothes, and made it to my beat-up car when my phone rang. I glanced at my purse, where my phone wailed obnoxiously. Sighing, I debated just letting it go to voicemail, but I was still waiting to hear back about the Wanderlust contract, and I didn't want to let that call go unanswered. So I dug around in my purse, grumbling at all of the stupid crap I tended to accumulate in there before I finally pulled it out.
When I viewed who was calling, however, I instantly dropped my phone in surprise. Carol. Was I doomed to have a confrontation with every person I despised this morning? First Travis, now this.
She hadn't called in months, a new record that I figured could be stretched out another month or two or maybe even permanently on my end. I ignored the phone, letting it continue to bleat as I pulled out of my drive.
I reflexively glanced at Travis' driveway. Vacant. I supposed my neighbor also had important things to be doing this early on a Saturday morning. I was contemplating what sort of construction he did when my phone finally went silent. I relaxed, my fingers relinquishing their death grip on the steering wheel.
Still, I had to wonder what horrible, terrible, earth-shattering thing must have occurred for my mother to actually call me. She only ever called to ask for money or to bitch about one of my new, inevitably inappropriate contracts. Fortunately for her, those things tended to coincide with each other. I laughed mirthlessly; maybe I had won the Wanderlust account and they'd announced it on Instagram without calling me.
That would never happen. Something else was up with Carol.
I decided I'd just let the reason for her call remain a mystery for now, or perhaps for forever. It was too soon to tell if I wanted to be a good daughter. But the bullet I'd just dodged reminded me of another for which I'd have to take the hit.
Jared.
Travis wanted another night of sleep, which meant no party tonight, on Saturday of all days. Frankly, I was too wary of breaking this tenuous peace, or truce, or whatever it was that we'd just created to throw a party when he'd asked me to refrain from doing so. And to be honest, I really had no desire to have people over tonight anyway.
That still meant dealing with my new groupie. Once Jared had realized that his father was housing a famous Instagram model, he'd been quick to invite himself and all of his friends over for nearly nightly booze fests. And since I wasn't paying his father rent, I was paying in other ways. Namely, with the loss of my privacy.
No way would I be able to afford living in such a house otherwise. And as much as I hated acting like a performing monkey, the property had enough amenities to make my account seem like I lived the kind of lifestyle anyone would kill for, which was vitally important to landing each new contract. And if I stopped winning contracts, I wouldn't have enough monetary and social capital to make my dream a reality, and then all of the hard work I'd been doing would be for nothing.
But none of that could happen if my dickish neighbor got me kicked out of the house. At some point, the community board would side with him, even if just to keep the peace. I needed to get this guy off my back, which meant Jared had to stay away for the next 48 hours. I grabbed my phone and dialed, hoping it was early enough that he wouldn't answer. "Please don't pick up, please don't pick up," I chanted.
"Hullo?"
I sighed, swerving to narrowly avoid hitting an elderly woman who had just appeared on the side of the road as I'd hurtled around a curve. Today was not getting any better.
"Jared. Good morning. How are you doing? I'm surprised you're up so early."
"Oh, hey baby. Even if I wasn't already up, I'd never hate to be awoken by the sound of your sexy voice."
Ew. I shuddered, failing to come up with a response that wouldn't immediately result in his father throwing me out of his house.
"Anyway," Jared continued when I didn't respond, "after your dick of a neighbor ruined last night, I went to bed relatively early. Which reminds me. When are you finally going to come take a look at my apartment? I know you'll love it."
As if I'd ever let myself be alone with him in his apartment. Jared had always creeped me out, from his stupid haircut to his drunken and, frankly, fairly violent behavior, to his idiotic desire to be the world's top dubstep DJ. I mean, come on. Dubstep was so 2012.
"Look, Jared," I said, quickly losing patience with the moron. "My electricity is still out, so no party tonight. I'll be with a friend until it's fixed."
"Who's this guy you're staying with? Do I know him? Asshole."
The friend was nonexistent. I had no friends, and no plans to be anywhere but my house this evening since my electricity functioned perfectly, but he didn't need to know that. "No, a female friend."
"Well, why don't you tell my dad? He could get it fixed, and then we can come over like usual."
Like I had any desire to let his father know that someone had messed with his house. "No, I've already called a guy. He's going to come out on Monday. You can come over on Wednesday during the day."
"What? That's bullshit. Just let my dad do it. He knows a guy who can make weekend calls."
"No, no. It can wait until Monday. So like I said, no party tonight."
Jared grunted, although whether it was in agreement or irritation was kind of hard to tell. He did a lot of grunting. "Hey, what's this about Wednesday? Are you saying no party on Monday or Tuesday, either?"
"Or Sundays. I, uh, need to get more rest. My pictures haven't been coming out as good lately, so I think I need more sleep. So no more parties except on the weekends. I'll have some people over Wednesday afternoons to make up for it."
"That sucks. Well, I guess you need to make sure you always look hot. I'd hate for your photos to not look good, especially when I'm viewing them. Alone. At night."
For perhaps the millionth time, I wished I could strangle the guy. I prayed he never procreated.
"Um, yeah. Great. Glad we are on the same page, then. Look, I've got to go. I'm almost at work."
"Oh yeah. Spin class. One of these days I'm going to join, you know—"
"Like I've said before, there really is no space for new members. I really do have to go now."
"But—"
"Bye!" I said, jabbing the screen with more than a little force to end the call. I tried to limit my interactions with Jared to shorter than two minutes, but even that was usually too long.
I pulled into the parking lot with five minutes to spare. I shut the car off and rested my head on the steering wheel, wondering when my life had veered so wildly in the wrong direction.
By the time I finally calmed down enough to get over our confrontation on my lawn, I remembered I had spin class in 45 minutes. Swearing, I dashed into my bathroom, glancing at the clock on my way past and mentally calculating whether I'd make it in time.
Stripping off my running clothes, I jumped into the still-cold spray, shrieking at the temperature and also my neighbor—make that Travis—who'd not only ruined my runner's high, but also prevented me from stretching and enjoying my shower.
I had finished showering, thrown on some bike clothes, and made it to my beat-up car when my phone rang. I glanced at my purse, where my phone wailed obnoxiously. Sighing, I debated just letting it go to voicemail, but I was still waiting to hear back about the Wanderlust contract, and I didn't want to let that call go unanswered. So I dug around in my purse, grumbling at all of the stupid crap I tended to accumulate in there before I finally pulled it out.
When I viewed who was calling, however, I instantly dropped my phone in surprise. Carol. Was I doomed to have a confrontation with every person I despised this morning? First Travis, now this.
She hadn't called in months, a new record that I figured could be stretched out another month or two or maybe even permanently on my end. I ignored the phone, letting it continue to bleat as I pulled out of my drive.
I reflexively glanced at Travis' driveway. Vacant. I supposed my neighbor also had important things to be doing this early on a Saturday morning. I was contemplating what sort of construction he did when my phone finally went silent. I relaxed, my fingers relinquishing their death grip on the steering wheel.
Still, I had to wonder what horrible, terrible, earth-shattering thing must have occurred for my mother to actually call me. She only ever called to ask for money or to bitch about one of my new, inevitably inappropriate contracts. Fortunately for her, those things tended to coincide with each other. I laughed mirthlessly; maybe I had won the Wanderlust account and they'd announced it on Instagram without calling me.
That would never happen. Something else was up with Carol.
I decided I'd just let the reason for her call remain a mystery for now, or perhaps for forever. It was too soon to tell if I wanted to be a good daughter. But the bullet I'd just dodged reminded me of another for which I'd have to take the hit.
Jared.
Travis wanted another night of sleep, which meant no party tonight, on Saturday of all days. Frankly, I was too wary of breaking this tenuous peace, or truce, or whatever it was that we'd just created to throw a party when he'd asked me to refrain from doing so. And to be honest, I really had no desire to have people over tonight anyway.
That still meant dealing with my new groupie. Once Jared had realized that his father was housing a famous Instagram model, he'd been quick to invite himself and all of his friends over for nearly nightly booze fests. And since I wasn't paying his father rent, I was paying in other ways. Namely, with the loss of my privacy.
No way would I be able to afford living in such a house otherwise. And as much as I hated acting like a performing monkey, the property had enough amenities to make my account seem like I lived the kind of lifestyle anyone would kill for, which was vitally important to landing each new contract. And if I stopped winning contracts, I wouldn't have enough monetary and social capital to make my dream a reality, and then all of the hard work I'd been doing would be for nothing.
But none of that could happen if my dickish neighbor got me kicked out of the house. At some point, the community board would side with him, even if just to keep the peace. I needed to get this guy off my back, which meant Jared had to stay away for the next 48 hours. I grabbed my phone and dialed, hoping it was early enough that he wouldn't answer. "Please don't pick up, please don't pick up," I chanted.
"Hullo?"
I sighed, swerving to narrowly avoid hitting an elderly woman who had just appeared on the side of the road as I'd hurtled around a curve. Today was not getting any better.
"Jared. Good morning. How are you doing? I'm surprised you're up so early."
"Oh, hey baby. Even if I wasn't already up, I'd never hate to be awoken by the sound of your sexy voice."
Ew. I shuddered, failing to come up with a response that wouldn't immediately result in his father throwing me out of his house.
"Anyway," Jared continued when I didn't respond, "after your dick of a neighbor ruined last night, I went to bed relatively early. Which reminds me. When are you finally going to come take a look at my apartment? I know you'll love it."
As if I'd ever let myself be alone with him in his apartment. Jared had always creeped me out, from his stupid haircut to his drunken and, frankly, fairly violent behavior, to his idiotic desire to be the world's top dubstep DJ. I mean, come on. Dubstep was so 2012.
"Look, Jared," I said, quickly losing patience with the moron. "My electricity is still out, so no party tonight. I'll be with a friend until it's fixed."
"Who's this guy you're staying with? Do I know him? Asshole."
The friend was nonexistent. I had no friends, and no plans to be anywhere but my house this evening since my electricity functioned perfectly, but he didn't need to know that. "No, a female friend."
"Well, why don't you tell my dad? He could get it fixed, and then we can come over like usual."
Like I had any desire to let his father know that someone had messed with his house. "No, I've already called a guy. He's going to come out on Monday. You can come over on Wednesday during the day."
"What? That's bullshit. Just let my dad do it. He knows a guy who can make weekend calls."
"No, no. It can wait until Monday. So like I said, no party tonight."
Jared grunted, although whether it was in agreement or irritation was kind of hard to tell. He did a lot of grunting. "Hey, what's this about Wednesday? Are you saying no party on Monday or Tuesday, either?"
"Or Sundays. I, uh, need to get more rest. My pictures haven't been coming out as good lately, so I think I need more sleep. So no more parties except on the weekends. I'll have some people over Wednesday afternoons to make up for it."
"That sucks. Well, I guess you need to make sure you always look hot. I'd hate for your photos to not look good, especially when I'm viewing them. Alone. At night."
For perhaps the millionth time, I wished I could strangle the guy. I prayed he never procreated.
"Um, yeah. Great. Glad we are on the same page, then. Look, I've got to go. I'm almost at work."
"Oh yeah. Spin class. One of these days I'm going to join, you know—"
"Like I've said before, there really is no space for new members. I really do have to go now."
"But—"
"Bye!" I said, jabbing the screen with more than a little force to end the call. I tried to limit my interactions with Jared to shorter than two minutes, but even that was usually too long.
I pulled into the parking lot with five minutes to spare. I shut the car off and rested my head on the steering wheel, wondering when my life had veered so wildly in the wrong direction.
