Chapter 240: 240
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Orison opened his eyes to a smiling pair of scarlet ones framed in a strong and severe face. It was still beautiful and made even more so by the upward quirk of lips that transformed the woman from stern to wicked.
"I'm so confused right now. Wasn't Teshara just trying to see if she could get in range? Of my body?" the young mage said.
The woman was stunned. "When you said that things had grown too painful for you, no one could understand that better than me but you wiped the slate completely clean!? You've forgotten about us and our dau- our daughter?"
She stared at him like she would end him before her lower lip trembled and a single tear slipped down her cheek. Orison may have forgotten everything about this woman but his soul cried out at her misery. He hugged her for all that he was worth and it took every bit of that to keep her from throwing him down and mauling him in a summer storm of rage that came and went with the same amount of suddenness. She dug her fingers painfully into his back and bit into his shoulder with a force just shy of damaging more than skin as she indulged in a handful more tears.
Less than a half minute of indulgence in momentary weakness, she stood up straight and packed it away with practiced ease. "There's no way you'd do that. I can't allow myself to believe you capable. What's the state of your soul?"
Orison turned spirit sight inward. The second layer was relatively empty save for minimalist adventuring gear, a small pile of vulgar wealth and a neatly organized set of alchemy equipment. The portable cabinet had been exchanged for a much larger one that was mostly full and looked somewhat similar to it's smaller cousin.
Half expecting not to be able, he looked into the first layer. Dimmed all the way down as low as he could and still be able to sense, the center was still too 'bright' but he could sense a wobbly instability. It wasn't dangerous but there were definite signs of spiritual wounding that had been healing for a time. He told her as much.
She didn't look as listless after that. "I'm going to have Teshara look in on you. If you move out of this bed before she says it's alright to, I'll break your legs and throw you back in it. That'll just be the foreplay, love."
He felt perfectly fine. In fact, he felt restless and the need to move around was almost unbearable but he had no doubts that the woman only his soul seemed to remember on a deeper level, wasn't the type to threaten idly. Nearly half an hour went by before the sorceress looked him over with a neutral face that had shifted from smiles at seeing that he was awake and lucid to a deep sadness at how much he had forgotten.
Orison said, "Please tell me what happened. I can only remember up to where you were trying a last ditch effort to get me close to my body not too long after we arrived here."
Teshara said, "I'm not keen on many details but perhaps it's better that way. We spent a couple of years and a couple of attempts to reach the place your body was but it was just too dangerous. After that, Evan found a plain lass down on her luck and struck a bargain with her. Nine months later, out you came. And let me tell you, sad as it is to admit, you were one ugly baby but you grew into everything surprisingly well.
"For a hardened mercenary, Evan was a doting father and spoiled you rotten. He was... nice to your mother and that seemed enough to keep her happy. You probably would have had a whole mercenary company worth of siblings but I think that your mom may have done some dark deed to him to make sure you didn't have competition from the wrong side of the sheets. If he knew, he didn't do anything about it til his dying day.
"Your nephew is your only living relative from that line and he's a little... difficult. He's never really shown much interest in us unless he wants something and we've distanced ourselves with him over time. Owen kept the business Evan started up and running for awhile but lost interest in trying when it was obvious what your nephew would do with it. Owen passed away two years ago and the elven lass who traveled with us at that time never gave him a child. No one knows where she is.
"You were close to a boy nicknamed Country when you were growing up and both of you used to squabble over this strange girl. No one interfered because it was obvious that the three of you were far too 'mature' for your ages. That's when Winter came. She's been glued to your backside ever since.
"It was odd but when Winter finally won your affections, your friend and that strange girl had a falling out with you. Either you understand the reason or it's a lost one. Country seemed more than happy to reconcile things but not just a couple of days after the two of you were seen together fishing, they vanished. He returned a couple of years ago to discuss some important things with you and Winter. But after a brief visit, he was gone again and hasn't returned since."
Seeing that she was winding her story down after sharing a few mundane details and ready to leave, Orison said, "What about my daughter?"
Seeing the pain on Teshara's face, he instantly regretted asking.
"Don't you think that should be a conversation you should have with Winter?" the sorceress said.
Orison nodded slowly. "It won't be any easier for her and if I know something about it going in, we might have a better time talking it through. But if it's too-"
Like a soldier barreling into enemy lines, she said, "She was lost along with our second child. There were many others, friends and allies that came to our aid when the blue eyed void came."
The Sorceress collected herself and left. Orison was left with many questions. He could feel the truth of wanting to forget, even if he had forgotten more than he had meant to. It left him confused if it was the right thing to do, pushing for answers.
In his moment of alone time, he checked his connections. There were two. One was with Cray and the other was his patron mark that he had given to the deep elf. Stefen's was gone and the young mage felt like there was a huge story there, one intricately linked to the things he actually wanted to forget.
Winter returned, looking at him hesitantly as if expecting fear, reprisal, anything other than something positive. He scooted over and propped a few pillows next him on the bed before patting it. There was a wariness, as if she expected it was a trick but she came and sat next to him.
"How long have we been together?" Orison asked.
She relaxed a little at the question. "Twenty-three years. It used to bother you that I would subtract the hours and days we were apart. You explained that even when we weren't physically together that it didn't mean we weren't with each other 'in our hearts'.
"Do you know how difficult it was to woo you? I mean, in my culture that IS the job of the woman but it's usually a discussion with the matron where the man has little say. It took two years to see past my idol worship of you and another to gather the courage to confess. After that, it took three MONTHS to seduce you and another two to pry you loose from that selfish woman who wanted you and Cray both."
Taking all that with a grain of salt, Orison asked, "Why did you choose to be a woman when you were reborn?"
Winter laughed and said, "Much for the same reason an upworlder woman might choose to reborn as a man, I suppose. I wanted to feel the power and prestige, the privilege of living as the dominant gender. With how little I knew of upworld, I feel like I outsmarted myself. Mostly, I was in love with your light and the selfish demon part of me wanted to own and possess it even as the rest of me revered it.
"I originally told you that it was so I could be stronger, so I could protect you better. I thought it was sweet and stupid that you said it would be hard to see me put myself in danger for you once the reality of me being a woman sunk in. I tried to explain my culture and the truth of my people but you had your own culture and instincts to deal with.
"For the record, Deep Elf woman are bigger, stronger and naturally more aggressive than the men. Most of our heritage is elf, true. But, we have a strong legacy of arachnid demon blood in us as well... I guess that's as good a point as any to talk about why we didn't have more children after...
"Her gestation was hard on me. Not for your human reasons, the raising of instinct and impulse. Much of my past life, I faded on purpose but I kept some of them to remind me of the woman I wanted to be and not become like my mother. I swore I'd never raise a hand to my man or try to ruin his self value with cruel words.
"At first it wasn't that bad, a playful slap or harmless pet names that were only demeaning if examined closely. But as the pregnancy advanced, my words grew sharper and the playful slaps left marks and even the occasional bruise. Then one day during my eighth month, you accidentally broke a little meaningless nothing of mine and I beat you.
"You possess a great deal of upworlder male pride and laughed it off. But for a moment, there was hurt and fear there. Within hours, you had already put it behind you but it haunts me still. Teshara helped me understand about subtle body humours that shift during pregnancy. It gave a reasonable enough explanation but I know my people and the darkness inherent in them.
"After River was born, I swore I'd never put you through that again. You were angry when you found that I gave my fertility up in a rite to Jarvis and Teshara. Once you had forgiven me, you teased that in our next incarnation we could switch rolls and give River a sibling then. That tease tuned into a promise connected to my pact mark after her- after she was gone."
Orison was poleaxed that he could say such a thing, much less swear on his true name after what had happened on Jarvis and Teshara's world. A quick inspection of the mark confirmed it to be true. As long as the mark and the promise within remained on her, in their next incarnation, a point he was a little fuzzy on, he would be a natural born woman and Winter a natural born man. His soul would draw on its understanding of law to make it so.
He had to remind himself that version of him was a man who'd lost his only child with the woman he loved, a woman who feared her own darkness to the point that she would not conceive again. Partners of twenty years who hadn't grown apart could mean a lot of things to one another. It helped that he DID have the ability to remove that mark but was willing to sit on it until he understood how things had changed. There wasn't any reason to do any drastic and hurtful actions in his current confusion.
Seeing the mixed emotions on his face, Winter said, "We need not be in a hurry to ascend. The tether that kept us here, you have finally reclaimed... Just promise me one thing. When you are ready, please let me be a man as your people understand them and not mine. I am fearful that you will attempt to control and abuse me once you are the female and the naturally dominant one. It is a fear born from guilt but it persists."
Knocked from his own musings, Orison chuckled and said, "Keep in mind, this is like fresh news to me. How far does this reversal go? Do men raise the children while the women work and fight as a social norm?"
Winter laughed so hard it looked painful.
Wiping a few tears from the corners of her eyes after she pulled it back together, she said. "It has been so many years since you've asked me that, I forgot how cute your confusion is. The only men that are pampered and coddled are those who are favored by their mistress or matron. Domestic affairs are handled by slaves and... magic constructs, for the more progressive or bloody cities. Only the lowest caste within a house tend to the young for a small amount of years before they are sent to their respective education camps. Gender has little to do with it.
"All authority and decision making power resides in the hands of women which may be lent in small portions to capable men from time to time. Accomplished academic casters and field commanders may be predominately men but they answer to their matron. They must pay due respect and difference to any woman equal or higher in caste.
"Anything more would be pointless to know. I have tried hard to put it behind me and I already understand your loathing of a culture influenced by... demonic morality. One mercy given by your loss of memory might be that you will not remember the small fights and growing pains we endured, learning how to be a partnership of equals."
She hesitated for a moment and then said, "I was born and raised a woman of the deep elves in this life. I used your patron mark to escape to you once a certain coming of age ceremony was being prepared for me. I do have memories of being a man but they are distant and dim things kept for their knowledge and ability to be who I wish to be. Does this bother you again as it once did?"
Orison said, "I'm surprised it ever bothered me if you told me that. I have vague memories of past lives and understand perfectly well how powerful a current life's drives overshadow them. It probably bothered me that your mannerisms struck me as 'manly' by human standards which would have made me question how much of a woman you actually saw yourself as. Culture clash confused as something else, is what I'd guess."
Winter said, "I know you're mind is all over the place trying to put things together but would you answer my request for a promise? Alleviate my worries."
He looked at her worried face solemnly. "As long as our love shall last, your happiness and well being will be no less important to me than my own. I promise."
She frowned. "It sounds like demon wording to me."
Orison said, "Controlling you will make you unhappy and abusing you will harm your well being. There's a whole lot of other things that are covered by what I said. I'll make mistakes and so will you. We apologize, try to make it right and move on. Why make a promise meant to be broken?
He smiled at her reassuringly. "I don't know how much you've paid attention to human culture over the years but shouldn't I be the one scared to death you're going to put me in a dress and hurt me the moment we swap the goods!? A proposition that I am in no way or shape prepared for, by the way.
"It's a strange thing to not remember someone but deeply care about them. Help me know you again. We're not in a rush to ascend or anything are we?"
She said, "No, no. Absolutely not."
Severe face turning wicked, Winter added, "Besides, I'm not ready to give up being a strong, aggressive and insatiable woman quite yet... Your previous body was bigger built but it wasn't as inherently tough as this one. I never did get to sink my teeth into the you I first saw that day, surrounded in light, looking like a celestial escaping the filth of the world."
As Orison was about to explain what really happened, she put a finger to his lips. "It's my dream. Don't tear it apart with dull truth. Since you want to know about me all over again, I'm hoping you're interested in knowing some neglected parts of me that haven't known YOU in quite some time."
He was. And even though it was awkward at first, that seemed to only excite her more. They spent a great deal of time knowing each other all over again the next few days. It was at that point, he realized they were displaying such wanton behavior in the guest house of Jarvis and Teshara.
With an embarrassed apology that only made the older couple laugh over a faint pall of sadness that seemed to linger around the place, Winter and Orison returned to their own home to find it empty.
As ruby eyes blazed with growing fury Orison asked, "Who would rob a house blind in the middle of a peaceful town like this?"
"Your nephew," she growled.
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Orison opened his eyes to a smiling pair of scarlet ones framed in a strong and severe face. It was still beautiful and made even more so by the upward quirk of lips that transformed the woman from stern to wicked.
"I'm so confused right now. Wasn't Teshara just trying to see if she could get in range? Of my body?" the young mage said.
The woman was stunned. "When you said that things had grown too painful for you, no one could understand that better than me but you wiped the slate completely clean!? You've forgotten about us and our dau- our daughter?"
She stared at him like she would end him before her lower lip trembled and a single tear slipped down her cheek. Orison may have forgotten everything about this woman but his soul cried out at her misery. He hugged her for all that he was worth and it took every bit of that to keep her from throwing him down and mauling him in a summer storm of rage that came and went with the same amount of suddenness. She dug her fingers painfully into his back and bit into his shoulder with a force just shy of damaging more than skin as she indulged in a handful more tears.
Less than a half minute of indulgence in momentary weakness, she stood up straight and packed it away with practiced ease. "There's no way you'd do that. I can't allow myself to believe you capable. What's the state of your soul?"
Orison turned spirit sight inward. The second layer was relatively empty save for minimalist adventuring gear, a small pile of vulgar wealth and a neatly organized set of alchemy equipment. The portable cabinet had been exchanged for a much larger one that was mostly full and looked somewhat similar to it's smaller cousin.
Half expecting not to be able, he looked into the first layer. Dimmed all the way down as low as he could and still be able to sense, the center was still too 'bright' but he could sense a wobbly instability. It wasn't dangerous but there were definite signs of spiritual wounding that had been healing for a time. He told her as much.
She didn't look as listless after that. "I'm going to have Teshara look in on you. If you move out of this bed before she says it's alright to, I'll break your legs and throw you back in it. That'll just be the foreplay, love."
He felt perfectly fine. In fact, he felt restless and the need to move around was almost unbearable but he had no doubts that the woman only his soul seemed to remember on a deeper level, wasn't the type to threaten idly. Nearly half an hour went by before the sorceress looked him over with a neutral face that had shifted from smiles at seeing that he was awake and lucid to a deep sadness at how much he had forgotten.
Orison said, "Please tell me what happened. I can only remember up to where you were trying a last ditch effort to get me close to my body not too long after we arrived here."
Teshara said, "I'm not keen on many details but perhaps it's better that way. We spent a couple of years and a couple of attempts to reach the place your body was but it was just too dangerous. After that, Evan found a plain lass down on her luck and struck a bargain with her. Nine months later, out you came. And let me tell you, sad as it is to admit, you were one ugly baby but you grew into everything surprisingly well.
"For a hardened mercenary, Evan was a doting father and spoiled you rotten. He was... nice to your mother and that seemed enough to keep her happy. You probably would have had a whole mercenary company worth of siblings but I think that your mom may have done some dark deed to him to make sure you didn't have competition from the wrong side of the sheets. If he knew, he didn't do anything about it til his dying day.
"Your nephew is your only living relative from that line and he's a little... difficult. He's never really shown much interest in us unless he wants something and we've distanced ourselves with him over time. Owen kept the business Evan started up and running for awhile but lost interest in trying when it was obvious what your nephew would do with it. Owen passed away two years ago and the elven lass who traveled with us at that time never gave him a child. No one knows where she is.
"You were close to a boy nicknamed Country when you were growing up and both of you used to squabble over this strange girl. No one interfered because it was obvious that the three of you were far too 'mature' for your ages. That's when Winter came. She's been glued to your backside ever since.
"It was odd but when Winter finally won your affections, your friend and that strange girl had a falling out with you. Either you understand the reason or it's a lost one. Country seemed more than happy to reconcile things but not just a couple of days after the two of you were seen together fishing, they vanished. He returned a couple of years ago to discuss some important things with you and Winter. But after a brief visit, he was gone again and hasn't returned since."
Seeing that she was winding her story down after sharing a few mundane details and ready to leave, Orison said, "What about my daughter?"
Seeing the pain on Teshara's face, he instantly regretted asking.
"Don't you think that should be a conversation you should have with Winter?" the sorceress said.
Orison nodded slowly. "It won't be any easier for her and if I know something about it going in, we might have a better time talking it through. But if it's too-"
Like a soldier barreling into enemy lines, she said, "She was lost along with our second child. There were many others, friends and allies that came to our aid when the blue eyed void came."
The Sorceress collected herself and left. Orison was left with many questions. He could feel the truth of wanting to forget, even if he had forgotten more than he had meant to. It left him confused if it was the right thing to do, pushing for answers.
In his moment of alone time, he checked his connections. There were two. One was with Cray and the other was his patron mark that he had given to the deep elf. Stefen's was gone and the young mage felt like there was a huge story there, one intricately linked to the things he actually wanted to forget.
Winter returned, looking at him hesitantly as if expecting fear, reprisal, anything other than something positive. He scooted over and propped a few pillows next him on the bed before patting it. There was a wariness, as if she expected it was a trick but she came and sat next to him.
"How long have we been together?" Orison asked.
She relaxed a little at the question. "Twenty-three years. It used to bother you that I would subtract the hours and days we were apart. You explained that even when we weren't physically together that it didn't mean we weren't with each other 'in our hearts'.
"Do you know how difficult it was to woo you? I mean, in my culture that IS the job of the woman but it's usually a discussion with the matron where the man has little say. It took two years to see past my idol worship of you and another to gather the courage to confess. After that, it took three MONTHS to seduce you and another two to pry you loose from that selfish woman who wanted you and Cray both."
Taking all that with a grain of salt, Orison asked, "Why did you choose to be a woman when you were reborn?"
Winter laughed and said, "Much for the same reason an upworlder woman might choose to reborn as a man, I suppose. I wanted to feel the power and prestige, the privilege of living as the dominant gender. With how little I knew of upworld, I feel like I outsmarted myself. Mostly, I was in love with your light and the selfish demon part of me wanted to own and possess it even as the rest of me revered it.
"I originally told you that it was so I could be stronger, so I could protect you better. I thought it was sweet and stupid that you said it would be hard to see me put myself in danger for you once the reality of me being a woman sunk in. I tried to explain my culture and the truth of my people but you had your own culture and instincts to deal with.
"For the record, Deep Elf woman are bigger, stronger and naturally more aggressive than the men. Most of our heritage is elf, true. But, we have a strong legacy of arachnid demon blood in us as well... I guess that's as good a point as any to talk about why we didn't have more children after...
"Her gestation was hard on me. Not for your human reasons, the raising of instinct and impulse. Much of my past life, I faded on purpose but I kept some of them to remind me of the woman I wanted to be and not become like my mother. I swore I'd never raise a hand to my man or try to ruin his self value with cruel words.
"At first it wasn't that bad, a playful slap or harmless pet names that were only demeaning if examined closely. But as the pregnancy advanced, my words grew sharper and the playful slaps left marks and even the occasional bruise. Then one day during my eighth month, you accidentally broke a little meaningless nothing of mine and I beat you.
"You possess a great deal of upworlder male pride and laughed it off. But for a moment, there was hurt and fear there. Within hours, you had already put it behind you but it haunts me still. Teshara helped me understand about subtle body humours that shift during pregnancy. It gave a reasonable enough explanation but I know my people and the darkness inherent in them.
"After River was born, I swore I'd never put you through that again. You were angry when you found that I gave my fertility up in a rite to Jarvis and Teshara. Once you had forgiven me, you teased that in our next incarnation we could switch rolls and give River a sibling then. That tease tuned into a promise connected to my pact mark after her- after she was gone."
Orison was poleaxed that he could say such a thing, much less swear on his true name after what had happened on Jarvis and Teshara's world. A quick inspection of the mark confirmed it to be true. As long as the mark and the promise within remained on her, in their next incarnation, a point he was a little fuzzy on, he would be a natural born woman and Winter a natural born man. His soul would draw on its understanding of law to make it so.
He had to remind himself that version of him was a man who'd lost his only child with the woman he loved, a woman who feared her own darkness to the point that she would not conceive again. Partners of twenty years who hadn't grown apart could mean a lot of things to one another. It helped that he DID have the ability to remove that mark but was willing to sit on it until he understood how things had changed. There wasn't any reason to do any drastic and hurtful actions in his current confusion.
Seeing the mixed emotions on his face, Winter said, "We need not be in a hurry to ascend. The tether that kept us here, you have finally reclaimed... Just promise me one thing. When you are ready, please let me be a man as your people understand them and not mine. I am fearful that you will attempt to control and abuse me once you are the female and the naturally dominant one. It is a fear born from guilt but it persists."
Knocked from his own musings, Orison chuckled and said, "Keep in mind, this is like fresh news to me. How far does this reversal go? Do men raise the children while the women work and fight as a social norm?"
Winter laughed so hard it looked painful.
Wiping a few tears from the corners of her eyes after she pulled it back together, she said. "It has been so many years since you've asked me that, I forgot how cute your confusion is. The only men that are pampered and coddled are those who are favored by their mistress or matron. Domestic affairs are handled by slaves and... magic constructs, for the more progressive or bloody cities. Only the lowest caste within a house tend to the young for a small amount of years before they are sent to their respective education camps. Gender has little to do with it.
"All authority and decision making power resides in the hands of women which may be lent in small portions to capable men from time to time. Accomplished academic casters and field commanders may be predominately men but they answer to their matron. They must pay due respect and difference to any woman equal or higher in caste.
"Anything more would be pointless to know. I have tried hard to put it behind me and I already understand your loathing of a culture influenced by... demonic morality. One mercy given by your loss of memory might be that you will not remember the small fights and growing pains we endured, learning how to be a partnership of equals."
She hesitated for a moment and then said, "I was born and raised a woman of the deep elves in this life. I used your patron mark to escape to you once a certain coming of age ceremony was being prepared for me. I do have memories of being a man but they are distant and dim things kept for their knowledge and ability to be who I wish to be. Does this bother you again as it once did?"
Orison said, "I'm surprised it ever bothered me if you told me that. I have vague memories of past lives and understand perfectly well how powerful a current life's drives overshadow them. It probably bothered me that your mannerisms struck me as 'manly' by human standards which would have made me question how much of a woman you actually saw yourself as. Culture clash confused as something else, is what I'd guess."
Winter said, "I know you're mind is all over the place trying to put things together but would you answer my request for a promise? Alleviate my worries."
He looked at her worried face solemnly. "As long as our love shall last, your happiness and well being will be no less important to me than my own. I promise."
She frowned. "It sounds like demon wording to me."
Orison said, "Controlling you will make you unhappy and abusing you will harm your well being. There's a whole lot of other things that are covered by what I said. I'll make mistakes and so will you. We apologize, try to make it right and move on. Why make a promise meant to be broken?
He smiled at her reassuringly. "I don't know how much you've paid attention to human culture over the years but shouldn't I be the one scared to death you're going to put me in a dress and hurt me the moment we swap the goods!? A proposition that I am in no way or shape prepared for, by the way.
"It's a strange thing to not remember someone but deeply care about them. Help me know you again. We're not in a rush to ascend or anything are we?"
She said, "No, no. Absolutely not."
Severe face turning wicked, Winter added, "Besides, I'm not ready to give up being a strong, aggressive and insatiable woman quite yet... Your previous body was bigger built but it wasn't as inherently tough as this one. I never did get to sink my teeth into the you I first saw that day, surrounded in light, looking like a celestial escaping the filth of the world."
As Orison was about to explain what really happened, she put a finger to his lips. "It's my dream. Don't tear it apart with dull truth. Since you want to know about me all over again, I'm hoping you're interested in knowing some neglected parts of me that haven't known YOU in quite some time."
He was. And even though it was awkward at first, that seemed to only excite her more. They spent a great deal of time knowing each other all over again the next few days. It was at that point, he realized they were displaying such wanton behavior in the guest house of Jarvis and Teshara.
With an embarrassed apology that only made the older couple laugh over a faint pall of sadness that seemed to linger around the place, Winter and Orison returned to their own home to find it empty.
As ruby eyes blazed with growing fury Orison asked, "Who would rob a house blind in the middle of a peaceful town like this?"
"Your nephew," she growled.
Orison opened his eyes to a smiling pair of scarlet ones framed in a strong and severe face. It was still beautiful and made even more so by the upward quirk of lips that transformed the woman from stern to wicked. "I'm so confused right now. Wasn't Teshara just trying to see if she could get in range? Of my body?" the young mage said. The woman was stunned. "When you said that things had grown too painful for you, no one could understand that better than me but you wiped the slate completely clean!? You've forgotten about us and our dau- our daughter?" She stared at him like she would end him before her lower lip trembled and a single tear slipped down her cheek. Orison may have forgotten everything about this woman but his soul cried out at her misery. He hugged her for all that he was worth and it took every bit of that to keep her from throwing him down and mauling him in a summer storm of rage that came and went with the same amount of suddenness. She dug her fingers painfully into his back and bit into his shoulder with a force just shy of damaging more than skin as she indulged in a handful more tears. Less than a half minute of indulgence in momentary weakness, she stood up straight and packed it away with practiced ease. "There's no way you'd do that. I can't allow myself to believe you capable. What's the state of your soul?" Orison turned spirit sight inward. The second layer was relatively empty save for minimalist adventuring gear, a small pile of vulgar wealth and a neatly organized set of alchemy equipment. The portable cabinet had been exchanged for a much larger one that was mostly full and looked somewhat similar to it's smaller cousin. Half expecting not to be able, he looked into the first layer. Dimmed all the way down as low as he could and still be able to sense, the center was still too 'bright' but he could sense a wobbly instability. It wasn't dangerous but there were definite signs of spiritual wounding that had been healing for a time. He told her as much. She didn't look as listless after that. "I'm going to have Teshara look in on you. If you move out of this bed before she says it's alright to, I'll break your legs and throw you back in it. That'll just be the foreplay, love." He felt perfectly fine. In fact, he felt restless and the need to move around was almost unbearable but he had no doubts that the woman only his soul seemed to remember on a deeper level, wasn't the type to threaten idly. Nearly half an hour went by before the sorceress looked him over with a neutral face that had shifted from smiles at seeing that he was awake and lucid to a deep sadness at how much he had forgotten. Orison said, "Please tell me what happened. I can only remember up to where you were trying a last ditch effort to get me close to my body not too long after we arrived here." Teshara said, "I'm not keen on many details but perhaps it's better that way. We spent a couple of years and a couple of attempts to reach the place your body was but it was just too dangerous. After that, Evan found a plain lass down on her luck and struck a bargain with her. Nine months later, out you came. And let me tell you, sad as it is to admit, you were one ugly baby but you grew into everything surprisingly well. "For a hardened mercenary, Evan was a doting father and spoiled you rotten. He was... nice to your mother and that seemed enough to keep her happy. You probably would have had a whole mercenary company worth of siblings but I think that your mom may have done some dark deed to him to make sure you didn't have competition from the wrong side of the sheets. If he knew, he didn't do anything about it til his dying day. "Your nephew is your only living relative from that line and he's a little... difficult. He's never really shown much interest in us unless he wants something and we've distanced ourselves with him over time. Owen kept the business Evan started up and running for awhile but lost interest in trying when it was obvious what your nephew would do with it. Owen passed away two years ago and the elven lass who traveled with us at that time never gave him a child. No one knows where she is. "You were close to a boy nicknamed Country when you were growing up and both of you used to squabble over this strange girl. No one interfered because it was obvious that the three of you were far too 'mature' for your ages. That's when Winter came. She's been glued to your backside ever since. "It was odd but when Winter finally won your affections, your friend and that strange girl had a falling out with you. Either you understand the reason or it's a lost one. Country seemed more than happy to reconcile things but not just a couple of days after the two of you were seen together fishing, they vanished. He returned a couple of years ago to discuss some important things with you and Winter. But after a brief visit, he was gone again and hasn't returned since." Seeing that she was winding her story down after sharing a few mundane details and ready to leave, Orison said, "What about my daughter?" Seeing the pain on Teshara's face, he instantly regretted asking. "Don't you think that should be a conversation you should have with Winter?" the sorceress said. Orison nodded slowly. "It won't be any easier for her and if I know something about it going in, we might have a better time talking it through. But if it's too-" Like a soldier barreling into enemy lines, she said, "She was lost along with our second child. There were many others, friends and allies that came to our aid when the blue eyed void came." The Sorceress collected herself and left. Orison was left with many questions. He could feel the truth of wanting to forget, even if he had forgotten more than he had meant to. It left him confused if it was the right thing to do, pushing for answers. In his moment of alone time, he checked his connections. There were two. One was with Cray and the other was his patron mark that he had given to the deep elf. Stefen's was gone and the young mage felt like there was a huge story there, one intricately linked to the things he actually wanted to forget. Winter returned, looking at him hesitantly as if expecting fear, reprisal, anything other than something positive. He scooted over and propped a few pillows next him on the bed before patting it. There was a wariness, as if she expected it was a trick but she came and sat next to him. "How long have we been together?" Orison asked. She relaxed a little at the question. "Twenty-three years. It used to bother you that I would subtract the hours and days we were apart. You explained that even when we weren't physically together that it didn't mean we weren't with each other 'in our hearts'. "Do you know how difficult it was to woo you? I mean, in my culture that IS the job of the woman but it's usually a discussion with the matron where the man has little say. It took two years to see past my idol worship of you and another to gather the courage to confess. After that, it took three MONTHS to seduce you and another two to pry you loose from that selfish woman who wanted you and Cray both." Taking all that with a grain of salt, Orison asked, "Why did you choose to be a woman when you were reborn?" Winter laughed and said, "Much for the same reason an upworlder woman might choose to reborn as a man, I suppose. I wanted to feel the power and prestige, the privilege of living as the dominant gender. With how little I knew of upworld, I feel like I outsmarted myself. Mostly, I was in love with your light and the selfish demon part of me wanted to own and possess it even as the rest of me revered it. "I originally told you that it was so I could be stronger, so I could protect you better. I thought it was sweet and stupid that you said it would be hard to see me put myself in danger for you once the reality of me being a woman sunk in. I tried to explain my culture and the truth of my people but you had your own culture and instincts to deal with. "For the record, Deep Elf woman are bigger, stronger and naturally more aggressive than the men. Most of our heritage is elf, true. But, we have a strong legacy of arachnid demon blood in us as well... I guess that's as good a point as any to talk about why we didn't have more children after... "Her gestation was hard on me. Not for your human reasons, the raising of instinct and impulse. Much of my past life, I faded on purpose but I kept some of them to remind me of the woman I wanted to be and not become like my mother. I swore I'd never raise a hand to my man or try to ruin his self value with cruel words. "At first it wasn't that bad, a playful slap or harmless pet names that were only demeaning if examined closely. But as the pregnancy advanced, my words grew sharper and the playful slaps left marks and even the occasional bruise. Then one day during my eighth month, you accidentally broke a little meaningless nothing of mine and I beat you. "You possess a great deal of upworlder male pride and laughed it off. But for a moment, there was hurt and fear there. Within hours, you had already put it behind you but it haunts me still. Teshara helped me understand about subtle body humours that shift during pregnancy. It gave a reasonable enough explanation but I know my people and the darkness inherent in them. "After River was born, I swore I'd never put you through that again. You were angry when you found that I gave my fertility up in a rite to Jarvis and Teshara. Once you had forgiven me, you teased that in our next incarnation we could switch rolls and give River a sibling then. That tease tuned into a promise connected to my pact mark after her- after she was gone." Orison was poleaxed that he could say such a thing, much less swear on his true name after what had happened on Jarvis and Teshara's world. A quick inspection of the mark confirmed it to be true. As long as the mark and the promise within remained on her, in their next incarnation, a point he was a little fuzzy on, he would be a natural born woman and Winter a natural born man. His soul would draw on its understanding of law to make it so. He had to remind himself that version of him was a man who'd lost his only child with the woman he loved, a woman who feared her own darkness to the point that she would not conceive again. Partners of twenty years who hadn't grown apart could mean a lot of things to one another. It helped that he DID have the ability to remove that mark but was willing to sit on it until he understood how things had changed. There wasn't any reason to do any drastic and hurtful actions in his current confusion. Seeing the mixed emotions on his face, Winter said, "We need not be in a hurry to ascend. The tether that kept us here, you have finally reclaimed... Just promise me one thing. When you are ready, please let me be a man as your people understand them and not mine. I am fearful that you will attempt to control and abuse me once you are the female and the naturally dominant one. It is a fear born from guilt but it persists." Knocked from his own musings, Orison chuckled and said, "Keep in mind, this is like fresh news to me. How far does this reversal go? Do men raise the children while the women work and fight as a social norm?" Winter laughed so hard it looked painful. Wiping a few tears from the corners of her eyes after she pulled it back together, she said. "It has been so many years since you've asked me that, I forgot how cute your confusion is. The only men that are pampered and coddled are those who are favored by their mistress or matron. Domestic affairs are handled by slaves and... magic constructs, for the more progressive or bloody cities. Only the lowest caste within a house tend to the young for a small amount of years before they are sent to their respective education camps. Gender has little to do with it. "All authority and decision making power resides in the hands of women which may be lent in small portions to capable men from time to time. Accomplished academic casters and field commanders may be predominately men but they answer to their matron. They must pay due respect and difference to any woman equal or higher in caste. "Anything more would be pointless to know. I have tried hard to put it behind me and I already understand your loathing of a culture influenced by... demonic morality. One mercy given by your loss of memory might be that you will not remember the small fights and growing pains we endured, learning how to be a partnership of equals." She hesitated for a moment and then said, "I was born and raised a woman of the deep elves in this life. I used your patron mark to escape to you once a certain coming of age ceremony was being prepared for me. I do have memories of being a man but they are distant and dim things kept for their knowledge and ability to be who I wish to be. Does this bother you again as it once did?" Orison said, "I'm surprised it ever bothered me if you told me that. I have vague memories of past lives and understand perfectly well how powerful a current life's drives overshadow them. It probably bothered me that your mannerisms struck me as 'manly' by human standards which would have made me question how much of a woman you actually saw yourself as. Culture clash confused as something else, is what I'd guess." Winter said, "I know you're mind is all over the place trying to put things together but would you answer my request for a promise? Alleviate my worries." He looked at her worried face solemnly. "As long as our love shall last, your happiness and well being will be no less important to me than my own. I promise." She frowned. "It sounds like demon wording to me." Orison said, "Controlling you will make you unhappy and abusing you will harm your well being. There's a whole lot of other things that are covered by what I said. I'll make mistakes and so will you. We apologize, try to make it right and move on. Why make a promise meant to be broken? He smiled at her reassuringly. "I don't know how much you've paid attention to human culture over the years but shouldn't I be the one scared to death you're going to put me in a dress and hurt me the moment we swap the goods!? A proposition that I am in no way or shape prepared for, by the way. "It's a strange thing to not remember someone but deeply care about them. Help me know you again. We're not in a rush to ascend or anything are we?" She said, "No, no. Absolutely not." Severe face turning wicked, Winter added, "Besides, I'm not ready to give up being a strong, aggressive and insatiable woman quite yet... Your previous body was bigger built but it wasn't as inherently tough as this one. I never did get to sink my teeth into the you I first saw that day, surrounded in light, looking like a celestial escaping the filth of the world." As Orison was about to explain what really happened, she put a finger to his lips. "It's my dream. Don't tear it apart with dull truth. Since you want to know about me all over again, I'm hoping you're interested in knowing some neglected parts of me that haven't known YOU in quite some time." He was. And even though it was awkward at first, that seemed to only excite her more. They spent a great deal of time knowing each other all over again the next few days. It was at that point, he realized they were displaying such wanton behavior in the guest house of Jarvis and Teshara. With an embarrassed apology that only made the older couple laugh over a faint pall of sadness that seemed to linger around the place, Winter and Orison returned to their own home to find it empty. As ruby eyes blazed with growing fury Orison asked, "Who would rob a house blind in the middle of a peaceful town like this?" "Your nephew," she growled.
