Chapter 196
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"Does it hurt?" Seeing her face fall, Liang Jian Amal paused in wrapping her toes.
"Yeah.." Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand Chang answered him vaguely.
"Sorry I will try to be more gentle." Pressing his lips tightly Liang Jian Amal tried to be even more delicate with his actions afraid of hurting her further.
"You already are Jian, this is just more.." Demonstrating out with her hand, Chang didn't know where to begin.
"More of what?" Seeing her just bite her full bottom lip and remain silent Liang Jian Amal pressed her. "Chang I won't understand if you don't tell me."
"I guess I just I wish you had been there for me, like now, when I really needed you; like when my mom died... Ow!"
"Sorry." Hearing her words Liang Jian Amal accidently squeezed her foot painfully right in reaction to her words. Relaxing his hand he motioned for her to continue, silently clenching his jaw.
"I know you explained and apologized, but it still doesn't change what was, that still hurts me. When your father came and forced me and my mother away I waited for you. I waited for you so long and it crushed me every day, there was no word or nothing from you. It cut me deep, you cut me.
Bringing her downcast eyes up to his, Liang JianAmal felt the heavy weight of her gaze sinking on his heart like a rock. Silently he rubbed her already treated foot trying to ease his growing apprehension.
"I faced it alone and the days after, except for a relative who I had never met before. I needed you. I didn't know what to do without you but I learned. It was really painful but I did.
"I've been just trying to move forward in my life because I know there's no going back, there's no changing what has happened. Seeing you here again after all this time, is bringing back these old pains and making them fresh again." Bringing a fist to her heart trying to quell the pain Chang's eyes wavered from his steadfast ones.
"Do I only cause you pain. I do not wish this, if that is all there is, I will leave now." Releasing her foot Liang JianAmal spoke in a colder tone, resenting her words but unable to refute them.
Startled by his sudden distance and tone Chang instantly looked up into a panic and tried to clarify herself quickly.
"No, no, no, I have really missed you too. I dream about you often and have always wondered what could have been with us. I wondered what happened to you. I cried so much sometimes waking in the morning to find myself alone without you. I dreamt of having some closure or something, our separation was just too sudden."
Brightened by her words Liang JianAmal smiled slightly, pleased at her confession.
"I wish I had been wiser then and could have protected you from that pain. You don't have to bear that burden alone though, you have me Chang."
"But for how long, how long until something, like your father splits us apart, I also know I can't handle that roller-coaster anymore." Holding her hands out Chang heard her voice crack unbidden while speaking.
"I told you. I have solved things, that won't happen anymore. As long as you want I will be here." Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal captured one of her hands, trying to regain her focus.
"How can you promise that?" Giving him a wry half smile Chang tried to conceal her endless doubts that plagued the back of her mind.
"Because I am who I am. Liang Jian Amal. Your husband, I failed you before when trying to do right. I won't fail again." Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal squeezed her hands tight drawing her eyes to his, searching their depths. Like the ocean though her eyes were deep and concealed many layers, only some of which could be seen.
Looking back at him Chang remained silent, unsure of what else to say.
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"Does it hurt?" Seeing her face fall, Liang Jian Amal paused in wrapping her toes.
"Yeah.." Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand Chang answered him vaguely.
"Sorry I will try to be more gentle." Pressing his lips tightly Liang Jian Amal tried to be even more delicate with his actions afraid of hurting her further.
"You already are Jian, this is just more.." Demonstrating out with her hand, Chang didn't know where to begin.
"More of what?" Seeing her just bite her full bottom lip and remain silent Liang Jian Amal pressed her. "Chang I won't understand if you don't tell me."
"I guess I just I wish you had been there for me, like now, when I really needed you; like when my mom died... Ow!"
"Sorry." Hearing her words Liang Jian Amal accidently squeezed her foot painfully right in reaction to her words. Relaxing his hand he motioned for her to continue, silently clenching his jaw.
"I know you explained and apologized, but it still doesn't change what was, that still hurts me. When your father came and forced me and my mother away I waited for you. I waited for you so long and it crushed me every day, there was no word or nothing from you. It cut me deep, you cut me.
Bringing her downcast eyes up to his, Liang JianAmal felt the heavy weight of her gaze sinking on his heart like a rock. Silently he rubbed her already treated foot trying to ease his growing apprehension.
"I faced it alone and the days after, except for a relative who I had never met before. I needed you. I didn't know what to do without you but I learned. It was really painful but I did.
"I've been just trying to move forward in my life because I know there's no going back, there's no changing what has happened. Seeing you here again after all this time, is bringing back these old pains and making them fresh again." Bringing a fist to her heart trying to quell the pain Chang's eyes wavered from his steadfast ones.
"Do I only cause you pain. I do not wish this, if that is all there is, I will leave now." Releasing her foot Liang JianAmal spoke in a colder tone, resenting her words but unable to refute them.
Startled by his sudden distance and tone Chang instantly looked up into a panic and tried to clarify herself quickly.
"No, no, no, I have really missed you too. I dream about you often and have always wondered what could have been with us. I wondered what happened to you. I cried so much sometimes waking in the morning to find myself alone without you. I dreamt of having some closure or something, our separation was just too sudden."
Brightened by her words Liang JianAmal smiled slightly, pleased at her confession.
"I wish I had been wiser then and could have protected you from that pain. You don't have to bear that burden alone though, you have me Chang."
"But for how long, how long until something, like your father splits us apart, I also know I can't handle that roller-coaster anymore." Holding her hands out Chang heard her voice crack unbidden while speaking.
"I told you. I have solved things, that won't happen anymore. As long as you want I will be here." Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal captured one of her hands, trying to regain her focus.
"How can you promise that?" Giving him a wry half smile Chang tried to conceal her endless doubts that plagued the back of her mind.
"Because I am who I am. Liang Jian Amal. Your husband, I failed you before when trying to do right. I won't fail again." Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal squeezed her hands tight drawing her eyes to his, searching their depths. Like the ocean though her eyes were deep and concealed many layers, only some of which could be seen.
Looking back at him Chang remained silent, unsure of what else to say.
"Does it hurt?" Seeing her face fall, Liang Jian Amal paused in wrapping her toes."Yeah.." Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand Chang answered him vaguely."Sorry I will try to be more gentle." Pressing his lips tightly Liang Jian Amal tried to be even more delicate with his actions afraid of hurting her further."You already are Jian, this is just more.." Demonstrating out with her hand, Chang didn't know where to begin."More of what?" Seeing her just bite her full bottom lip and remain silent Liang Jian Amal pressed her. "Chang I won't understand if you don't tell me.""I guess I just I wish you had been there for me, like now, when I really needed you; like when my mom died... Ow!""Sorry." Hearing her words Liang Jian Amal accidently squeezed her foot painfully right in reaction to her words. Relaxing his hand he motioned for her to continue, silently clenching his jaw."I know you explained and apologized, but it still doesn't change what was, that still hurts me. When your father came and forced me and my mother away I waited for you. I waited for you so long and it crushed me every day, there was no word or nothing from you. It cut me deep, you cut me.Bringing her downcast eyes up to his, Liang JianAmal felt the heavy weight of her gaze sinking on his heart like a rock. Silently he rubbed her already treated foot trying to ease his growing apprehension."I faced it alone and the days after, except for a relative who I had never met before. I needed you. I didn't know what to do without you but I learned. It was really painful but I did."I've been just trying to move forward in my life because I know there's no going back, there's no changing what has happened. Seeing you here again after all this time, is bringing back these old pains and making them fresh again." Bringing a fist to her heart trying to quell the pain Chang's eyes wavered from his steadfast ones."Do I only cause you pain. I do not wish this, if that is all there is, I will leave now." Releasing her foot Liang JianAmal spoke in a colder tone, resenting her words but unable to refute them.Startled by his sudden distance and tone Chang instantly looked up into a panic and tried to clarify herself quickly."No, no, no, I have really missed you too. I dream about you often and have always wondered what could have been with us. I wondered what happened to you. I cried so much sometimes waking in the morning to find myself alone without you. I dreamt of having some closure or something, our separation was just too sudden."Brightened by her words Liang JianAmal smiled slightly, pleased at her confession."I wish I had been wiser then and could have protected you from that pain. You don't have to bear that burden alone though, you have me Chang.""But for how long, how long until something, like your father splits us apart, I also know I can't handle that roller-coaster anymore." Holding her hands out Chang heard her voice crack unbidden while speaking."I told you. I have solved things, that won't happen anymore. As long as you want I will be here." Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal captured one of her hands, trying to regain her focus."How can you promise that?" Giving him a wry half smile Chang tried to conceal her endless doubts that plagued the back of her mind."Because I am who I am. Liang Jian Amal. Your husband, I failed you before when trying to do right. I won't fail again." Keeping his tone level Liang JianAmal squeezed her hands tight drawing her eyes to his, searching their depths. Like the ocean though her eyes were deep and concealed many layers, only some of which could be seen.Looking back at him Chang remained silent, unsure of what else to say.
