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The Girl and The War - Chapter 3

Published at 1st of November 2018 06:45:47 AM

Chapter 3

3 – (Reminiscence)

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I had a dream . It was a nostalgic and sad dream .

In the past, I had a childhood friend . A girl the same age as I, she lived next door and we played together a lot .

Saya was a girl with a strong sense of justice . She had the personality that didn’t hesitate to help others . It was enough to make me who watch her felt worried, and I remembered sometimes she got hurt as well .

Every day, we go back from school together . We talk and laugh together, she never runs out of a story to tell me .

However, I knew, that she was actually only pretending to be okay…

“Did something happen recently?”

“Hnn? No, there’s nothing…”

She had a habit of placing her left hand on her chest every time she lied . After all, I always watching her…

“You don’t have to hide it . You’re being bullied no?”


Saya’s expression sunk . I felt anger when I saw her expression .

“Do you have an idea why?”

“Well, maybe because I saw someone being bullied during our first semester, and helped the person . In the end, the target changed to me…”

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“As expected, it was that…”

Saya was a cheerful and well-mannered child . If she was ever being bullied, I thought it must be because she was popular and incurred the other girls’ hatred, or it was because of her natural personality .

“You know, it’s fine to help others . It might be rude for me to say this but . Who helps you when you help other people?”

“I can’t think like that… I cannot pretend that I didn’t see the incident…”

“Like I said, what I wanted to say is, first think about yourself…”

“It’s impossible! I cannot abandon that child you know? I will rather be bullied than being such a coward!”

While being emotional, I could see Saya’s eyes had become watery .

It seems I’ve said too much despite that was not my intention, thus I thought of changing the topic . After all, no matter what I said, she was a stubborn person, even if she ended up dead, she wouldn’t change her beliefs . I thought such personality was not a bad thing, but I wish Saya to think a bit more about herself .

I averted my gaze away from Saya . Then embarrassing words escaped my mouth .

“T-Then, I will be the one who protects you . ”

I feel my face hot from embarrassment . I unintentionally become assertive in front of Saya . Although it was not in my character, somehow my voice also become a bit rough .

Since I didn’t hear any response from Saya, I fearfully tried to look at her face . There, Saya was looking at me with tearful eyes .

“L-Like I said, it is impossible for us to be always together since we’re from a different class, but every recess I will come to get you, and we will go to school and back together . I will also speak with the teacher in secret . If something bad happens to you, tell me!”

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“I promise…”

“Always from now on?”

“Always from now on…”

Tears came out from Saya’s eyes without stopping . Saya then rubbed the tears off with her cloth and then looked at me again .

“It is a promise!”

At that time, I made a resolve to not let that smile fade away . I made a resolve to protect her noble-minded soul so that it won’t break .

I resolve myself, to protect her…

I vowed myself as I said…

“Yes, it is a promise . ”


Time had passed since then . As usual, we go home together .

Saya didn’t seem to be bullied anymore . I could see that her smile was genuine every time she was with me .

However, I felt like Saya didn’t talk much lately . It was not like it makes me feel like I was talking with a doll, but she definitely lacks her usual spirit . A cold wind blew when I was about to ask what was wrong with her…

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I shrunk my body . Since it was already winter, I guess it was normal for it to be cold .

“It’s so cold right, Saya?”

When I looked sideways, Saya was not there . Turn out, Saya had stopped walking a bit behind me .

I was wondering why she stopped . Come to think of it, she seems to be busy with something, since I could see that she lack some sleep . I was wondering if she was tired because of that…

“What’s wrong, Saya? Did you fell asleep while standing–”

“That’s not it!”

Saya cut my words in haste . Despite the weather being cold, her face was red .

“Lately, the weather is cold, t-that’s why I tried to knit this… You know, soon it would be Christmas as well, that’s why…”


Hand knitted scarf was something like a curse .

You cannot help but felt wrapped in love when you wear it .

Even if it was something from the past…

“So cold…”

I tried to cover my mouth with the usual scarf…

At that time, I said thank you to her with an embarrassed voice…

At the same time, I also remembered what Saya’s mother told me during the funeral, ‘Please forget about Saya, you should find your happiness…’

(Aunt, there’s no way I could forget . After all, I stuck with her soo much like this…)

When the anniversary of Saya’s death approaches, I always felt this kind of mood . Struggling with the pain in my chest as the world turned grayish .

Every time I felt this, I want to burn myself . I want to burn this deep nostalgia with fire .

Thinking that I touch my breast pocket . There was no cigarette left . I realize that I already smoked the last one a while ago . I looked around meaninglessly as my vision turned blur as if it was between the boundary of reality and imagination .

After I left my parent house, I work continuously as a part-time jobber, and as time goes on, my heart also turns dull . Most people say time would heal anything, but will I also be saved like that?

Rather than salvation, I wanted death . But I have no willpower to do that .

No, rather… Whenever such thought crossed my mind . Saya’s face would come to mind . Then I would wonder what she gonna say to me . Will she forgive me for what I did? In the end, I could commit suicide…

The scarf that was a gift from her become a dear mommento… –

In the end… I just wanted to be immured in the memory when she was by my side…

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