Chapter 60
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Asrar was feeling more than a little disgruntled. His princess seemed to be bent on making him became more outspoken again. It was as if she was thinking of him that he had been broken.
Which..was probably true, but still! He had had a reason for becoming like this. There was no reason to threaten him, which he was actually finding it hard to believe that she had done. Best friends were not supposed to threaten each other!
He was frowning as he roamed the halls aimlessly. And what she had threatened him with made him want to cry. Saying that if he did not open up to her when she asked him a question or for his opinion that she would kiss him might not seem all that bad. But it was actually the worst thing she could have threatened him with. It was plain torture.
Asrar had long given up on any thoughts of romance. Sure there had been a time years ago when he had dared to dream of courting a girl, marrying, having children, maybe getting a cat. A dog would have worked too, but Asrar preferred cats, as he found their pretend aloofness cute. The girl he had had a crush on at the time also preferred cats to dogs, though she loved both.
But reality had set in. While it would not have been an issue in Carendlus, in Amriel it was. Asrar was willing to bear the consequences himself but was not willing that another pay with him, especially someone he cared about. As such he had chosen to be celibate, and tried his hard to force down any desires for a woman's attention or touch.
Even being friends was likely to end with her getting hurt. But he realized that cutting her completely off would hurt her as well. As well as get rid of any desire he had to live. Everyone needed at least someone else to bring meaning to their life. It did not necessarily have to be romantically, even friendship would work for this.
"Sir Asrar," A female voice interrupted his thoughts, "Where are you going?"
He glanced at the girl who had just talked to him. She sounded and looked familiar. Viola, that serving maid who had showed him around earlier, "I was just wandering aimlessly."
"I see, you look a trifle upset," She smiled brightly folding her hands behind her back, "Anything I can do to help?" There was an eager note to her voice.
Asrar stared at her blankly. No one could really help him with his issues. Except maybe with advice. But he was not even sure what he would ask. How to get a girl to become uninterested in him? Maybe. Or...he really could not think of anything. "I doubt my problems are something thou canst actually help with."
She frowned, "Well you would not know until you actually tried, right?" There was a simple sincerity in her voice.
Asrar wished it was so simple, but he knew that his major problems right now were hard to actually deal with. What he wanted and what he needed to do were so different. But he really did know what he was going to have to do and he had been ready to do the necessary for those he cared about. As such, there was no real reason to ask for help. He did not need it.
"Thank thee, but I should be fine. Twas nice of thee to offer." Asrar gave her a nod.
Turning around he prepared to walk off. He would have right then and there if she had not stopped him, "Well if you ever change your mind I would gladly help you."
Asrar thanked her again and walked off. He really did not need help. The only thing he needed he already had. Hazel and him were still friends and they seemed to have become closer than ever. He smiled as he walked back to the library. He needed a distraction, and studying might just give him what he needed.
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Asrar was feeling more than a little disgruntled. His princess seemed to be bent on making him became more outspoken again. It was as if she was thinking of him that he had been broken.
Which..was probably true, but still! He had had a reason for becoming like this. There was no reason to threaten him, which he was actually finding it hard to believe that she had done. Best friends were not supposed to threaten each other!
He was frowning as he roamed the halls aimlessly. And what she had threatened him with made him want to cry. Saying that if he did not open up to her when she asked him a question or for his opinion that she would kiss him might not seem all that bad. But it was actually the worst thing she could have threatened him with. It was plain torture.
Asrar had long given up on any thoughts of romance. Sure there had been a time years ago when he had dared to dream of courting a girl, marrying, having children, maybe getting a cat. A dog would have worked too, but Asrar preferred cats, as he found their pretend aloofness cute. The girl he had had a crush on at the time also preferred cats to dogs, though she loved both.
But reality had set in. While it would not have been an issue in Carendlus, in Amriel it was. Asrar was willing to bear the consequences himself but was not willing that another pay with him, especially someone he cared about. As such he had chosen to be celibate, and tried his hard to force down any desires for a woman's attention or touch.
Even being friends was likely to end with her getting hurt. But he realized that cutting her completely off would hurt her as well. As well as get rid of any desire he had to live. Everyone needed at least someone else to bring meaning to their life. It did not necessarily have to be romantically, even friendship would work for this.
"Sir Asrar," A female voice interrupted his thoughts, "Where are you going?"
He glanced at the girl who had just talked to him. She sounded and looked familiar. Viola, that serving maid who had showed him around earlier, "I was just wandering aimlessly."
"I see, you look a trifle upset," She smiled brightly folding her hands behind her back, "Anything I can do to help?" There was an eager note to her voice.
Asrar stared at her blankly. No one could really help him with his issues. Except maybe with advice. But he was not even sure what he would ask. How to get a girl to become uninterested in him? Maybe. Or...he really could not think of anything. "I doubt my problems are something thou canst actually help with."
She frowned, "Well you would not know until you actually tried, right?" There was a simple sincerity in her voice.
Asrar wished it was so simple, but he knew that his major problems right now were hard to actually deal with. What he wanted and what he needed to do were so different. But he really did know what he was going to have to do and he had been ready to do the necessary for those he cared about. As such, there was no real reason to ask for help. He did not need it.
"Thank thee, but I should be fine. Twas nice of thee to offer." Asrar gave her a nod.
Turning around he prepared to walk off. He would have right then and there if she had not stopped him, "Well if you ever change your mind I would gladly help you."
Asrar thanked her again and walked off. He really did not need help. The only thing he needed he already had. Hazel and him were still friends and they seemed to have become closer than ever. He smiled as he walked back to the library. He needed a distraction, and studying might just give him what he needed.
Asrar was feeling more than a little disgruntled. His princess seemed to be bent on making him became more outspoken again. It was as if she was thinking of him that he had been broken.Which..was probably true, but still! He had had a reason for becoming like this. There was no reason to threaten him, which he was actually finding it hard to believe that she had done. Best friends were not supposed to threaten each other!He was frowning as he roamed the halls aimlessly. And what she had threatened him with made him want to cry. Saying that if he did not open up to her when she asked him a question or for his opinion that she would kiss him might not seem all that bad. But it was actually the worst thing she could have threatened him with. It was plain torture.Asrar had long given up on any thoughts of romance. Sure there had been a time years ago when he had dared to dream of courting a girl, marrying, having children, maybe getting a cat. A dog would have worked too, but Asrar preferred cats, as he found their pretend aloofness cute. The girl he had had a crush on at the time also preferred cats to dogs, though she loved both.But reality had set in. While it would not have been an issue in Carendlus, in Amriel it was. Asrar was willing to bear the consequences himself but was not willing that another pay with him, especially someone he cared about. As such he had chosen to be celibate, and tried his hard to force down any desires for a woman's attention or touch.Even being friends was likely to end with her getting hurt. But he realized that cutting her completely off would hurt her as well. As well as get rid of any desire he had to live. Everyone needed at least someone else to bring meaning to their life. It did not necessarily have to be romantically, even friendship would work for this."Sir Asrar," A female voice interrupted his thoughts, "Where are you going?"He glanced at the girl who had just talked to him. She sounded and looked familiar. Viola, that serving maid who had showed him around earlier, "I was just wandering aimlessly.""I see, you look a trifle upset," She smiled brightly folding her hands behind her back, "Anything I can do to help?" There was an eager note to her voice.Asrar stared at her blankly. No one could really help him with his issues. Except maybe with advice. But he was not even sure what he would ask. How to get a girl to become uninterested in him? Maybe. Or...he really could not think of anything. "I doubt my problems are something thou canst actually help with."She frowned, "Well you would not know until you actually tried, right?" There was a simple sincerity in her voice.Asrar wished it was so simple, but he knew that his major problems right now were hard to actually deal with. What he wanted and what he needed to do were so different. But he really did know what he was going to have to do and he had been ready to do the necessary for those he cared about. As such, there was no real reason to ask for help. He did not need it."Thank thee, but I should be fine. Twas nice of thee to offer." Asrar gave her a nod.Turning around he prepared to walk off. He would have right then and there if she had not stopped him, "Well if you ever change your mind I would gladly help you."Asrar thanked her again and walked off. He really did not need help. The only thing he needed he already had. Hazel and him were still friends and they seemed to have become closer than ever. He smiled as he walked back to the library. He needed a distraction, and studying might just give him what he needed.
