(Warning: This chapter may be frustrating/annoying for some of you readers)
We dispersed like that.
“······Jjaro, when you get home, immediately tell Saeyeon that you’re sorry.”
Nanda turned to me and said that right before getting on a bus that was headed towards a different direction since he apparently had lessons today.
“Why should I······?”
“Don’t be like that and just do it, okay?”
He had a sympathetic look on his face for some reason.
Once the bus left, I shrugged and turned towards Upperclassman Nabom. I’m not really sure, but this person is probably headed in the same direction as us.
“Then, let us go as well.”
However, Upperclassman Nabom simply smiled.
“No. You two should go together. I plan to back out here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She then courteously lowered her head, turned around, and disappeared down a different path.
This was my first time seeing her behave like this so I tilted my head. I thought that she would say some nonsensical joke like she would normally do.
And, Jaim was······.
“······.”
“Hey, don’t chew on your nails. That’s not pleasant to look at.”
Inside the subway on our way home. Once I let out a sigh and said that because Jaim had been anxiously chewing on her thumbnail beside me, Jaim tilted her head.
“Nail? What are you talking about?”
“You’re chewing on your nail right now.”
In reaction to my words, Jaim froze while her thumbnail was being held in her mouth.
“Fix that habit. It looks as if you’re mentally unstable.”
I spoke while looking at my nails which had been cut to the point that they couldn’t be chewed on.
Yeah, I was like that as well at one point. I chewed on my nails whenever I felt restless. At some point, once I read in a book that this habit usually forms in kids who don’t receive parental love during their early childhood, I broke the habit. Albeit it was hard to stop.
But, I don’t recall this kid ever having this sort of habit?
Jaim spoke while looking down at her hand as if she were mumbling to herself.
“······I, might have made a really big mistake.”
“What are you saying all of a sudden?”
“It, might have been better if we didn’t go there today. No, we shouldn’t have gone there. It might, it might be all my fault.”
“What do you······.”
Jaim, who had been muttering as if she were talking to herself, turned to look at me.
“Dad, when we get home, tell Mom that you’re sorry.”
“Nanda said that as well and now you too? Why is everyone saying that?”
“Please. I beg of you, don’t ask me why. Okay?”
Because Jaim’s voice was trembling with anxiety,
because she had fanned the strange anxiety that I had been feeling since earlier,
I nodded for now.
“Ah, Jjaro, Jaim, you’re home?”
······I was nervous for nothing.
Honestly, I was worried as well. I didn’t expect Saeyeon to get that upset and go home by herself after all. I was concerned whether she’d be able to even properly get home or not, and I was worried that I’d come home only to discover that she was still pouting.
But.
“M-Mom? Are you all right?”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
Saeyeon tilted her head at Jaim who had asked that question while stammering.
“No, but earlier······.”
“It’s fine. This isn’t the first time Jjaro was like that to me.”
After puffing out her cheeks and glancing at me, Saeyeon smiled.
“I’d be a kid if I were to get upset about something like that, right?”
Yeah, that’s right, you.
The first thing we saw the moment we got home was Saeyeon’s smiling face.
Rather than feeling relieved, I felt more as if I should let out a sigh for worrying about nothing. Even Jaim’s mouth was hanging open as if she were dumbfounded.
“In any case, Jjaro, I’m hungry.”
I let out a sigh at Saeyeon’s large grin.
“······Yeah. Let’s eat dinner.”
I had dinner, watched TV, and took a bath like usual, and after all that, even my doubtful mind towards Saeyeon’s attitude had disappeared.
It’s not like I don’t have a conscience. I know that my words earlier were harsh to a degree. I was more blunt than usual. I had become sensitive because I kept worrying about the word ‘family outing’ which Jaim had kept mentioning. I admit it. A man like me will honestly admit his mistakes.
However, since it seems Saeyeon wasn’t worried about that at all now, that means it’d be foolish of me to worry about it by myself.
“······Something isn’t right.”
But it seems Jaim was on a different wavelength than me.
“What isn’t right? It’s Saeyeon anyway.”
In response to my words, Jaim furrowed her brow as she was laying down on the bed.
“No, but that was definitely supposed to happen.”
“That?”
“Yeah. I’m certain that after that happens······.”
Jaim made an ‘Oh shoot!’ face in reaction to my question and shook her head.
“No, it’s nothing. But still, for the time being, tell Mom that you’re sorry, Dad. Just in case.”
“Why? Just in case Saeyeon is still sulking?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I’m not really sure what the issue is, but well, I already intended to do that anyway.
“In any case, are you really sure you don’t want to work on the repairs today?”
“I’m tired. I want to sleep today.”
Jaim shook her head as she was laying on my bed.
It was my turn to put Jaim to sleep today. Up until now, I would put blankets down in an empty room and make her sleep there, but I’m allowing her to sleep on my bed just for today as a special occasion.
“Are you not going to sleep with me?”
“Don’t make me laugh.”
I snorted and sat on the side of the bed as I stroked her forehead. This isn’t strange. My hand was simply bored.
Once I brushed her hair to the side, it must have felt nice since Jaim then giggled while her tired eyes were still half-closed. That laugh made me feel somewhat embarrassed, so I turned my head away. This isn’t strange either.
“Hey, Dad.”
“What?”
I felt Jaim’s lips press against my cheek which I had turned because she had called out to me.
“······What are you doing?”
In response to my question which I had asked as I rubbed my cheek, Jaim grinned broadly. Jaim then raised the blanket up to right below her eyes, making it seem as if she wanted to hide her smiling face, before speaking.
“Thanks for worrying about me a bunch today. Even though it must have been annoying.”
“······Yeah.”
“I might have misunderstood you and Mom, Dad.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jaim fiddled with the edge of the blanket.
“I thought that you didn’t like me. Ever since I first got here, you never acted as if you liked me nor did you ever try to treat me nicely. Of course, you did say it was okay for me to make those plastic models, but I thought that was similar to later in the future when you bought me the game console because you thought I was bothersome.”
Jaim’s expression was slightly dark as she said that.
“But that wasn’t the case. Dad, although you were the one who broke it, you told me that you’d fix my game console. Even with Mom, your relationship with her was better than I expected. I thought that, in the future, you had fought similarly like before and that everything was definitely my fault, but the two of you don’t have a relationship that could break apart that easily.”
But as she said this, her face became bright once more.
“I’m glad I came to see you and Mom, Dad. Coming here was a good idea. I feel like there’s nothing for me to do now. The future definitely must have changed.”
I turned my head.
Even though she has no basis, even though she doesn’t know anything. How is she able to say these things?
Nevertheless, I tapped on Jaim’s head before standing up.
“······Then sleep tight. I’m off to bed as well.”
“All right. Good night, Dad.”
“······Good night.”
When I looked back at her for the last time, Jaim waved at me slightly.
Click, I closed the door and came out of the room. I guess I’ll be sleeping on the floor for the first time in a long while.
I stretched my body which had become exhausted after moving around a lot today. Saeyeon, who was sitting on the sofa, giggled at the noise I made that was similar to a moan.
“What’s the occasion? You never let anyone sleep in your room, Jjaro.”
“Well, even I’m tired, so the kid must be more tired, right? I figured I’d indulge her for just today.”
“You feel a bit like a dad today, Jjaro.”
“Be quiet. Rather, aren’t you going to sleep, Saeyeon? It’s past your bedtime.”
It may have been early evening for me right now, but it was the dead of the night for Saeyeon.
“I’m going to sleep now.”
“All right. I’ll go and wake you up in the morning, so.”
Right when I was about to enter the empty room while saying that,
Saeyeon’s hand grabbed onto my own.
“······Saeyeon?”
Saeyeon looked straight at me and spoke.
“Jjaro, can we sleep together tonight?”
“······What?”
“Jjaro, it’s been a month since then and you haven’t slept with me even once during that time. Even though you’d always sleep by yourself or with Jaim, you haven’t slept with us as a family or even with just me······.”
Saeyeon pressed her body closer to mine as if she were trying to urge me.
“Hm? We used to sleep together in the past, didn’t we? We’ll simply be sleeping together as a family. We’re also husband and wife, so doing something like sleeping together is fine, isn’t it? I, I won’t do anything weird like last time. It’s fine if we sleep together while only holding hands, no, it’s fine if we just sleep together. Okay?”
Saeyeon’s eyes as she said that were hazily trembling in the light, and because she looked somewhat anxious,
because she looked somewhat desperate,
I let go of her hand.
“I told you before, didn’t I? I told you that it was just for that day only. Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”
“No, but······.”
“You’ve been able to sleep by yourself until now with no problems, haven’t you? Are you still upset about earlier? Okay. Next time, we’ll go out and buy some clothes together. That’s good enough, right?”
“It’s not that. Please? Let’s sleep together.”
“Ah, seriously. Are you going to keep acting like a child?”
Saeyeon’s expression slightly froze up because of those words.
“Seriously, what’s your problem today? In the morning you tried to put on makeup or whatever and ended up bothering me, and at the end of the day, you got upset and left by yourself. I didn’t want to say this before, but do you know how embarrassing that was for me? If you get upset like that, then you’ll also trouble Nanda and Upperclassman Nabom who came with us. You ruined the mood in the end as well.”
Due to my exhaustion, I ended up blurting things out inadvertently.
“But······ Jjaro, you kept paying attention to only Big Sis Nabom and Jaim, and you told me to stick close to you but you wouldn’t link arms with me······.”
Saeyeon started to become teary.
“You didn’t answer when I asked if I was prettier or if Big Sig Nabom was prettier either.”
“What a childish jealousy. If I have to compare you and Upperclassman Nabom, then obviously Upperclassman Nabom would be higher.”
I could only sigh. I knew she was childish, but what’s up with this?
I turned around and spoke in a tone that sounded as if she wasn’t worth talking to anymore.
“I didn’t want to say this, but grow up a little. You’re not a kid anymore, but you keep behaving like this. Try acting a bit more mature.”
“······Okay. Jjaro?”
“Ah, seriously. What is it now?”
Her voice called out to me once more from behind. The instant I was about to turn around in an annoyed manner, I felt something soft press against my back.
Arms wrapped around my chest. I could feel strength go into those arms as they held me tightly.
Saeyeon had, hugged me.
Because of that action, I turned my head in order to say something.
However, I couldn’t. This time our lips met.
A moist, warm, and soft sensation. Her smooth lips touched mine for a moment before backing away. I didn’t even have the time to be stifled.
“······Ehehe.”
It seems she was feeling bashful as Saeyeon shyly smiled and slightly turned her head away.
“You, what are you doing?”
Saeyeon answered my question while stammering.
“E-Earlier······. Big Sis Nabom told me. I asked her what I had to do in order to be more like a couple with Jjaro, and she said that I should tell Jjaro that I want to sleep together, and if you still refuse······. Then to do, this.”
Saeyeon’s cheeks became flushed as she said that.
“T-That’s why, Jjaro may say that, and it may, be, embarrassing, but······. If Jjaro, likes me, then she said that you’ll surely accept me······.”
This is weird. This is definitely Saeyeon, this is definitely Saeyeon’s face, she’s definitely talking with Saeyeon’s voice, and moving with Saeyeon’s body, but this feels like a completely different person.
Not like a child, but⎯⎯⎯.
She’s like a normal girl, from her age group.
“⎯⎯⎯Jaro.”
Jaro. Jin Jaro. My name.
Not the ‘Jjaro’ that sounded as if my name was pronounced with a short tongue, which Saeyeon would normally say, but Jaro.
“······Jaro, you, like me as well, right?”
On Saeyeon’s face which had said that while looking up at me, the tears that had been sparkling in her eyes since earlier had now formed more vividly.
Confusion spread across that expression. She saw my face after all.
“······I asked you, what do you think you’re doing?”
She saw my face, that looked as if it were on the verge of exploding, after all.
“J-Jaro······?”
“I’m asking you, why you’re acting however you please and doing things like this!”
I clenched my fist and shouted without holding anything back. Surprise and panic started to spread across Saeyeon’s face. Saeyeon was barely able to open her mouth while stuttering.
“W-What’s wrong, Jaro? Did, I do something wrong?”
That expression that looked as if she couldn’t understand what had happened. As if she had no idea what was going on, the edges of her half-opened mouth trembled.
“Ah! That, l-lip touching thing, she said it was okay. Big Sis Nabom told me. She said that may be possible, but it’s fine. It’s fine if two people who love each other do it. S-So it should be okay. I wasn’t trying to suffocate you to death or make you sick, Jaro, so······.”
“I’m not talking about that! I’m not upset because of that kind of stupid lie!”
My teeth pressed together. It hurt because I was putting too much strength into my jaw. But I couldn’t take my strength out. Blood had rushed to my head, so I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“Then, why are you mad, Jaro······?”
Saeyeon looked at me with tear-filled eyes.
She clearly had the same childish and foolish expression on her face, but there was a distinct feminine atmosphere hidden underneath that.
The atmosphere of a girl who had been refused by the boy she likes for a reason that she couldn’t understand and was hurt by it.
“Is it, because I kissed, you······? Because I hugged, you?”
From those eyes, large drops of tears fell one at a time.
“If that’s not it, then is it because I wanted to sleep while holding hands, and have another child, is it because of that······?”
Although she closed her eyes tightly as if she were trying to hold back her tears, they continued to flow,
“But, I, was uneasy······.”
Saeyeon wiped away her flowing tears and continued.
“Until yesterday, I really thought it was okay if Big Sis Nabom and Jaro got along. Of course, I was a bit jealous, but······. Still, it was okay. Because I’d definitely win in the end. Because I’m Jaro’s wife.”
That’s why,
“I wasn’t bothered at all even if Jaro and Jaim bonded. She’s our daughter after all. Since she’s someone who I’m going to be as close to as I am with Jaro and also look after.”
But,
“I became uneasy today. While I’m a child, it felt like you saw Big Sis Nabom as a woman. It also felt like you thought that Jaim was the child you had to look after more, so I’m nervous. Hm? Jaro.”
Before I knew it, Saeyeon had grabbed onto both of my trembling hands.
“Childhood friends are things that grow distant over time, aren’t they? You forget about them, right? I don’t remember any of the friends I used to play with when I was little. I thought that I was going to end up like that with you, Jaro. I didn’t want that. So I thought that it would be fine if Jaro, just, looked after me.”
Saeyeon simply stared straight at me and continued to speak.
“I know that you’re only looking after me because it’s your job, Jaro, but that’s all because you’re too shy to admit it. Because, even if your words are like that, you’ve always taken care of me. Ever since we were little, and even now. If time passes like that, if I slowly, naturally continue to stay by your side, if I gradually become mature, then I believed that I could really become a family with you, Jjaro.”
Saeyeon smiled.
“At that time, my heart pounded.”
Contrary to her eyes which were trembling with anxiety, her voice was clear.
“When I pressed my lips against Jaro’s, my heart pounded a lot. It felt good. I did feel stifled like Jaro said, but I became stifled because I liked it so much.”
Her cheeks turned red as if she were recalling that moment,
“For that reason, because I was so happy about what happened, because I knew that you gave an evasive lie since you were embarrassed, Jaro, I wanted to brag about it. And even more than that, I wanted to make both of our hearts pound as I continued to be with you, Jaro.”
So, I sincerely tried bumping into you,
Cooked for you,
Showed you my body while taking a bath together,
And tried putting on makeup.
“I’m, not a child.”
Saeyeon raised her hand on top of her chest.
“My chest may not be as large as Big Sis Nabom’s, but they grew this much, I grew this tall, I’m struck with magic every month, and I was also able to have a child.”
Even though she doesn’t know what that means.
She lowered her hand to her stomach and continued.
“So whenever I think about you, Jaro, my baby room occasionally throbs and becomes ticklish. I was happy when you asked me if we could sleep while holding hands, Jaro. I believed that you also liked me just as I had expected and that you wanted to have a child with me and become a family. I was so happy about that.”
Even though she was making an absurd, childish misunderstanding, only that expression, was the expression of a girl.
“So, tell me.”
Saeyeon smiled as a tear flowed down.
That smile, different to the idiotic smile that I’ve always seen until now,
because it felt like it would shatter into a thousand pieces if I tapped on it,
because it was like a dam that was about to burst due to all of the things that had piled up until now,
“Jaro, does your heart not pound when you look at me?”
“I told you⎯⎯⎯.”
The moment I was about to reply, I heard a door open with a creak. Saeyeon and my eyes were automatically drawn towards the source of that sound.
“······Mom, Dad······?”
Jaim, with her eyes wide open, was standing there while holding the door half-open.
“What, are you doing right now? Are you two, fighting?”
“Jaim, go back inside!”
I unintentionally shouted at her. Although Jaim looked as if she didn’t know what to do, she was soon able to speak as if she had made her resolve.
“······No, I won’t go back inside. I heard everything.”
Damn it, why are things turning out like this?
I’ve been doing well until now.
I’ve been protecting this relationship well until now.
Saeyeon wiped away her flowing tears once more before gazing straight at me.
“Jaro, tell me. Am I not that charming? Do I seem like a child no matter what I do? Can you not look at me even a slight bit differently?”
“Wait, Mom. That’s······.”
“Jaim, I told you to go inside, didn’t I?!”
“Look at me and tell me!”
I looked at Jaim and shouted at her while Saeyeon looked at me and shouted as well. Jaim, who was hesitating because of those shouts, yelled as well.
“S-Stop it! Don’t fight! I’ll make Dad normal, so······.”
‘Ah’, Jaim gasped out loud before covering her mouth. However, there’s no way that I would mishear those words when they had already been spoken.
“Make, normal······?”
“N-No, that’s not what I meant······.”
“I see, so that’s what it was. I felt like something was weird.”
Before I knew it, the amount of time Jaim spent with me had increased compared to the time she spent with Saeyeon. I didn’t know what that meant at that time, but,
“You, you thought I was the biggest problem, so you were trying to change that, weren’t you? You acted cute on purpose.”
But now I understood.
In the end, this kid had completely used me.
In order to make me believe that, ‘This isn’t so bad’, by making me bond with her, my daughter, and by doing so, improving the relationship between me and Saeyeon. She had merely changed her strategy to that.
Since the innocent Saeyeon didn’t know what ‘uniting’ meant.
In order to make me, since I knew the meaning, believe that something like a family wasn’t a bad idea.
“······Yeah.”
Jaim nodded her head as if she had no other choice now.
“B-But Dad, that’s not why I did that. It’s just, I wanted Mom and Dad to become a family, so I thought that I should try to at least change things a tiny bit······.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
People have continued to deceive me, just like that day.
While hoping arbitrarily, sympathizing arbitrarily, and cherishing an arbitrary hope.
Yes. To be honest, I actually had hope. I was hoping that things would be different this time compared to that day.
Since she had received the same scar as I did, I thought that this kid would be able to understand me as well. That’s why I wanted to continue this relationship a bit, a slight bit longer.
Even though I felt the malice, which I had maintained on my own until now, fade away, I became intoxicated by this warm atmosphere and even hoped that these days would continue.
But I was just being fooled.
This kid didn’t understand. She simply pretended to understand. In order to change me, in order to achieve her goal, and while only thinking about her own circumstances. Just like those two people.
Arbitrarily, completely arbitrarily, I’ll do this, you do that. They had played around with me however they wanted as if it were an obvious thing to do. This person and that person too.
“Jaro, tell me.”
Saeyeon looked at me and spoke in a doleful voice.
“Did I do something wrong? Did I do something bad to you, Jaro? Then I’ll fix it. I won’t say that I want to cook anymore. I won’t do makeup. I’ll be mature. I won’t act like a child. I’ll do everything you want, Jaro. So, tell me, please, tell me that you like me.”
While shedding tears, and while forcing her trembling lips to smile.
“I, like you. I like you, Jaro. So, Jaro······ you like me as well, right?”
The word ‘like’ which I have heard a countless number of times now.
However, the weight of it was different this time.
The ‘like’ that was used until now was the like of a child.
And right now······ it was the like, of a girl.
That’s why I couldn’t feign ignorance this time.
I took in a breath,
and spoke the words that had been contained within my mind until now.
“I, hate people like you.”
“······What······?”
In that instant, Saeyeon made an expression that I had never seen before.
That expression, was the same expression that I would always make on the inside whenever I looked at Saeyeon.
Yes,
I don’t like Saeyeon.
There’s no way that I could like her.
I hate families. Families are relationships that are tossed aside whenever they aren’t needed. Things like the love of a family are delusions and everything else is a lie. To this very day, I’ve lived believing in that and that was what gave me confidence.
However, there was a person who was constantly next to me that contradicted my belief point-blank.
The girl who always received the love of her family.
If there was a person who was within a darkness that was so dark that you couldn’t distinguish where the ceiling and floor were, beside a person who received all of the attention and applause while standing in the spotlight, then you’ll know this feeling.
I have always been alone. I had to overcome everything with my own strength. There was no one who would help me and there was no one who I could trust.
I would have preferred if that was just it. There aren’t only one or two people who live like that in the world after all. There are plenty of other people who live a hard life like I do. I could have found solace by thinking like that.
But Saeyeon?
She had a ‘family’ who she could trust and would constantly be next to her in order to help and look after her at all times. Even if they did separate, in order for her to not feel that emptiness, they even asked me for help.
⎯⎯⎯Since this old lady can no longer look after Saeyeon, I’ll leave her in your care, Jjaro.
Despite being on death’s door, a ‘family’ who would make a lifelong request to a completely unrelated kid who merely lived next door.
“Every time you approached the me who was like that, do you know how miserable I felt about myself?!”
Why me.
Even though I dealt with everything by myself.
This child even asked me, an unrelated person, to be a part of her family as well.
“Even though you’re just a kid who doesn’t know how to do anything. Even though you go around saying happy words like, ‘I like you’, ‘husband’, and ‘wife’! Even though you attach yourself to me and hand me all of your problems since you can’t do anything on your own!”
That’s why I looked after Saeyeon. As my job. Since my livelihood would also be assured if I looked after her. Simply a business relationship. Simply a dry relationship. I wouldn’t have to feel inferior if it was like this.
Since it was another family. Since it was a separate world, that was irrelevant to me.
“I don’t need something like sympathy! I don’t need some ridiculous empathy like ‘Since I have a family and you don’t, I’ll be your family’!”
⎯⎯⎯Since it’s Jaro, who’s like our son, we’ll help you if you look after Saeyeon.
Her new family member had even given me this request as well and so it made me think as I received their sympathy.
There’s most likely no one who cares about whether the household they’re working at as a nanny is harmonious or an utter mess. Additionally, nothing matters as long as I’m able to secure my own footing. It’ll be forgotten and disappear. That’s all I had to do.
So in order to achieve that, Saeyeon mustn’t learn about being a girl.
She had to remain as a child who I simply looked after, a child who didn’t know what the meaning of liking someone meant, and a child who simple-mindedly liked the older brother next door who took care of her and had no feelings beyond that.
I raised her like that. I taught her however I wanted so she wouldn’t listen to others and taught her that I wouldn’t lie to her.
A kiss is nothing. It’s simply a dirty act involving the contact of lips.
Bathing together is nothing. It’s merely a task where I have to wash the kid who I’m taking care of.
Cooking, doing the laundry, and holding hands, all of these things were to that degree.
Sleeping while holding hands, that was simply on the level of a kid being bothersome since they had to sleep by themself.
So, from all those things, what this girl wants now⎯⎯⎯
Without holding anything back, I yelled while looking straight at Saeyeon.
“I’ll say it straight. Since the very beginning, I have never seen you as a woman, and to this day I have never wanted something like a daughter. I don’t need something like a family in the first place! So get out of my sight!”
Along with the sensation of my heart beating painfully, I also felt unburdened.
Yeah, I said it. I said the words that I’ve been wanting to say.
Saeyeon, with a face of disbelief,
“······Jjaro, you dummy! How could you······!”
shouted that.
“Then, uu, if that’s the case, hhk, why, why were you······!”
While her large eyes were filled with anger and shedding tears,
“⎯⎯⎯Why were you nice to me?!”
she grabbed things like books and other objects that were in the living room and threw them at me as she shouted,
“⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯Uu!”
and after swallowing down her tears, she left.
After the sound of the front door closing resonated, silence followed.
“Dad, chase after Mom right now! Hurry!”
“Be quiet! This is all your fault!”
Towards that voice that had broken the silence, I yelled as loudly as I could.
“What are you going to do about this?! Everything ended up like this because of you! I won’t be able to do my job of taking care of Saeyeon from now on!”
“Now’s not the time to be worrying about that! Hurry up and go after Mom! Tell her that you’re sorry! Get on your knees and apologize!”
Jaim was crying as she yelled. Much too desperately, as if her body was moving faster than her words, she cried out while kicking at me and hitting me with her fists.
“Quickly! Hurry up and chase after her! It can’t end like this!”
“Everything ended up like this because you came here, kid!”
In that instant, Jaim’s expression was like a still-life that was forcefully trying to insist that it was a portrait.
“Dad, what did you say······?”
“None of this would have happened if you didn’t come here, right?! Saeyeon and I could have continued to spend our time peacefully together while hiding our feelings from each other, but it’s all your fault!”
That’s right, it was all this kid’s fault. All because of this brat.
“You didn’t care about what happened to Saeyeon anyway, right? Protecting the peace of the family or whatever was all just an excuse! In the end, you merely did whatever you liked!”
“No! I was properly trying to make Mom and Dad like each······!”
“You say that, but you wound up getting drunk on the fact that I was being nice to you!”
In response to my shout, Jaim, who was barely able to utter her words, froze.
Yeah. It’s simple if you think about it a little.
Ultimately, when she said she’d make Saeyeon into a woman, turn me into a proper person, and protect the peace of our family, it was all a lie.
⎯⎯⎯That's why, you 'reacting' to me properly is enough to make me happy, Dad.
This kid had merely become drunk on the fact that her father, who treated her coldly in the future, was treating her well right now.
She didn’t care about her mom who she couldn’t even remember.
Her mom who was different to her expectations and was like a child. Her mom who couldn’t do anything. Her mom who didn’t know what kissing was and believed that babies were born if you go to sleep while holding hands. She didn’t need a mom like that.
Instead, she had simply chosen the dad who didn’t treat her coldly, properly had conversations with her, messed around with her, bathed together, and worked on a project together.
Because it was beneficial to herself. Because it was what she wanted.
If it were for that sake, then Saeyeon and my feelings didn’t matter.
“······No, I, didn’t come here to do that······.”
“Regardless of what you planned, that’s how it ended up!”
With her mouth half-open, Jaim looked at me with unfocused eyes.
Before I knew it, the foot that was kicking me and the fists that were hitting me had come to a stop, and her hand was now simply grabbing onto my pants.
“Dad, then, did you, not need······ me······?”
I then shook off her hand that was holding onto my pants and spoke. I was tired of this now.
“I have never wanted something like you even once in my life.”
I left behind Jaim, who had frozen in place, before entering my room and shutting the door behind me. Just in case, I locked my door completely. Where that kid sleeps and how she does it wasn’t relevant to me.
On the floor, there was a stupid toy robot vacuum cleaner with only a mannequin head attached to it moving around. What are you laughing at?
I felt needlessly annoyed and kicked it once. It made a clunk sound and moved. My foot hurt more.
“······Hey, kid.”
Yeah, there was no need for me to have said that much
Once the heat had left my head, my reason had slowly started to return.
“Do my words not sound like words to you, kid?”
Throwing this kid out the door wasn’t the right way to get rid of her. I have to coax her properly and ask Upperclassman Nabom. As I thought, regardless of her observation or whatever, she needs to take her away as soon as possible.
“Ah seriously, I get it. I was wrong. My words were a bit harsh.”
If you think about it, Saeyeon and I had a relationship that was going to end up like this since the beginning. As Saeyeon had said earlier, even if we idly stayed together and got married or whatever, the end would have still wound up like this.
“Are you listening to me, kid? Why are you in the corner?”
In that regard, this kid had taken the wrong step, but the world has always been a place like that. Living by yourself isn’t that bad. Do your best to live by yourself using your own strength when you go back to the future.
“I’m not mad. No, I’m not angry anymore, so come on out.”
However, no matter how much I called out to her, the kid refused to come out from the corner next to the sofa. Does she want to play hide-and-seek in the middle of the night or something?
“······I’m, sorry······.”
······Wait. Something was off.
“Hey, kid?”
“······Hiik!”
Once I peered my head over the sofa, the kid looked terrified and backed away. She’s already against the wall anyway. No, more than that······.
“······You, what’s wrong?”
Eyes filled with fear. Her cheeks were trembling as if she could break out in tears at any moment.
“What’s with the blood on your hand. Where are you hurt······?”
“Uu!”
I grabbed onto her arm when she tried to bring her bleeding fingers to her mouth. Although the kid was now trembling like a quaking aspen due to my action, it seems the very thought of even running away didn’t pop up in her mind.
“······What is this.”
Blood was oozing from her nail. She must have bit it off since the edge was rough. Nearly half of her nail was gone. No, what could have happened for this······.
“Open your mouth. Open it.”
“Uu, uuu, uuu······.”
Her mouth was filled with the nail she had bitten off. I felt like I was going to vomit the moment I saw the blood smeared on it.
Why, why is this kid doing this?
“I-I’m sorry······. I-It’s my fault, so······.”
In that instant, I recalled the words that Upperclassman Nabom had once told me.
⎯⎯⎯’Information contamination’ is a severe problem.
I had underestimated those words.
20xx March X | Please circle today’s weather. (No circles)
It’s over. Everything is over.
I didn’t know this would happen, I didn’t know it would end like this.
No, for some reason I had expected this. Ever since that day, I did think that this might happen in the end. But I didn’t think it would actually happen.
Since we lived peacefully until now, I thought that that would continue on forever. I thought that my spent together with Jaro and Jaim would last without end.
I was too young. I was much too young.
I shouldn’t have said that.
I can’t even put strength into my hand. I can’t believe that this is the end.
It would be nice if this were a lie. It’d be nice if this were all a dream and I’d wake up on that day again, then I could have dealt with the situation a bit more skillfully. But that’s probably a delusion as well. Even that has broken completely.
Although Jaro’s specialty is fixing broken things, he can’t fix this. You can’t fix broken things.
In the end, everything had been decided since the beginning.
TL note: Thanks for reading this chapter. This chapter was also rather frustrating to translate so rereading this chapter while translating was just a bag full of frustration. Jaro has finally snapped, and in a way, it’s understandable. He never wanted this in the first place, but it kept being forced on him. Don’t get too mad at him since this was honestly bad timing on Saeyeon’s part and just a series of annoying events for Jaro throughout the entire day, so it finally broke him. In any case, the next chapter should fix things up, so please bear with this for now. There’s a reason why I said people should just wait for the next chapter to come out before reading this one.
| NEXT CHAPTER
(Warning: This chapter may be frustrating/annoying for some of you readers)
We dispersed like that.
“······Jjaro, when you get home, immediately tell Saeyeon that you’re sorry.”
Nanda turned to me and said that right before getting on a bus that was headed towards a different direction since he apparently had lessons today.
“Why should I······?”
“Don’t be like that and just do it, okay?”
He had a sympathetic look on his face for some reason.
Once the bus left, I shrugged and turned towards Upperclassman Nabom. I’m not really sure, but this person is probably headed in the same direction as us.
“Then, let us go as well.”
However, Upperclassman Nabom simply smiled.
“No. You two should go together. I plan to back out here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She then courteously lowered her head, turned around, and disappeared down a different path.
This was my first time seeing her behave like this so I tilted my head. I thought that she would say some nonsensical joke like she would normally do.
And, Jaim was······.
“······.”
“Hey, don’t chew on your nails. That’s not pleasant to look at.”
Inside the subway on our way home. Once I let out a sigh and said that because Jaim had been anxiously chewing on her thumbnail beside me, Jaim tilted her head.
“Nail? What are you talking about?”
“You’re chewing on your nail right now.”
In reaction to my words, Jaim froze while her thumbnail was being held in her mouth.
“Fix that habit. It looks as if you’re mentally unstable.”
I spoke while looking at my nails which had been cut to the point that they couldn’t be chewed on.
Yeah, I was like that as well at one point. I chewed on my nails whenever I felt restless. At some point, once I read in a book that this habit usually forms in kids who don’t receive parental love during their early childhood, I broke the habit. Albeit it was hard to stop.
But, I don’t recall this kid ever having this sort of habit?
Jaim spoke while looking down at her hand as if she were mumbling to herself.
“······I, might have made a really big mistake.”
“What are you saying all of a sudden?”
“It, might have been better if we didn’t go there today. No, we shouldn’t have gone there. It might, it might be all my fault.”
“What do you······.”
Jaim, who had been muttering as if she were talking to herself, turned to look at me.
“Dad, when we get home, tell Mom that you’re sorry.”
“Nanda said that as well and now you too? Why is everyone saying that?”
“Please. I beg of you, don’t ask me why. Okay?”
Because Jaim’s voice was trembling with anxiety,
because she had fanned the strange anxiety that I had been feeling since earlier,
I nodded for now.
“Ah, Jjaro, Jaim, you’re home?”
······I was nervous for nothing.
Honestly, I was worried as well. I didn’t expect Saeyeon to get that upset and go home by herself after all. I was concerned whether she’d be able to even properly get home or not, and I was worried that I’d come home only to discover that she was still pouting.
But.
“M-Mom? Are you all right?”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
Saeyeon tilted her head at Jaim who had asked that question while stammering.
“No, but earlier······.”
“It’s fine. This isn’t the first time Jjaro was like that to me.”
After puffing out her cheeks and glancing at me, Saeyeon smiled.
“I’d be a kid if I were to get upset about something like that, right?”
Yeah, that’s right, you.
The first thing we saw the moment we got home was Saeyeon’s smiling face.
Rather than feeling relieved, I felt more as if I should let out a sigh for worrying about nothing. Even Jaim’s mouth was hanging open as if she were dumbfounded.
“In any case, Jjaro, I’m hungry.”
I let out a sigh at Saeyeon’s large grin.
“······Yeah. Let’s eat dinner.”
I had dinner, watched TV, and took a bath like usual, and after all that, even my doubtful mind towards Saeyeon’s attitude had disappeared.
It’s not like I don’t have a conscience. I know that my words earlier were harsh to a degree. I was more blunt than usual. I had become sensitive because I kept worrying about the word ‘family outing’ which Jaim had kept mentioning. I admit it. A man like me will honestly admit his mistakes.
However, since it seems Saeyeon wasn’t worried about that at all now, that means it’d be foolish of me to worry about it by myself.
“······Something isn’t right.”
But it seems Jaim was on a different wavelength than me.
“What isn’t right? It’s Saeyeon anyway.”
In response to my words, Jaim furrowed her brow as she was laying down on the bed.
“No, but that was definitely supposed to happen.”
“That?”
“Yeah. I’m certain that after that happens······.”
Jaim made an ‘Oh shoot!’ face in reaction to my question and shook her head.
“No, it’s nothing. But still, for the time being, tell Mom that you’re sorry, Dad. Just in case.”
“Why? Just in case Saeyeon is still sulking?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I’m not really sure what the issue is, but well, I already intended to do that anyway.
“In any case, are you really sure you don’t want to work on the repairs today?”
“I’m tired. I want to sleep today.”
Jaim shook her head as she was laying on my bed.
It was my turn to put Jaim to sleep today. Up until now, I would put blankets down in an empty room and make her sleep there, but I’m allowing her to sleep on my bed just for today as a special occasion.
“Are you not going to sleep with me?”
“Don’t make me laugh.”
I snorted and sat on the side of the bed as I stroked her forehead. This isn’t strange. My hand was simply bored.
Once I brushed her hair to the side, it must have felt nice since Jaim then giggled while her tired eyes were still half-closed. That laugh made me feel somewhat embarrassed, so I turned my head away. This isn’t strange either.
“Hey, Dad.”
“What?”
I felt Jaim’s lips press against my cheek which I had turned because she had called out to me.
“······What are you doing?”
In response to my question which I had asked as I rubbed my cheek, Jaim grinned broadly. Jaim then raised the blanket up to right below her eyes, making it seem as if she wanted to hide her smiling face, before speaking.
“Thanks for worrying about me a bunch today. Even though it must have been annoying.”
“······Yeah.”
“I might have misunderstood you and Mom, Dad.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jaim fiddled with the edge of the blanket.
“I thought that you didn’t like me. Ever since I first got here, you never acted as if you liked me nor did you ever try to treat me nicely. Of course, you did say it was okay for me to make those plastic models, but I thought that was similar to later in the future when you bought me the game console because you thought I was bothersome.”
Jaim’s expression was slightly dark as she said that.
“But that wasn’t the case. Dad, although you were the one who broke it, you told me that you’d fix my game console. Even with Mom, your relationship with her was better than I expected. I thought that, in the future, you had fought similarly like before and that everything was definitely my fault, but the two of you don’t have a relationship that could break apart that easily.”
But as she said this, her face became bright once more.
“I’m glad I came to see you and Mom, Dad. Coming here was a good idea. I feel like there’s nothing for me to do now. The future definitely must have changed.”
I turned my head.
Even though she has no basis, even though she doesn’t know anything. How is she able to say these things?
Nevertheless, I tapped on Jaim’s head before standing up.
“······Then sleep tight. I’m off to bed as well.”
“All right. Good night, Dad.”
“······Good night.”
When I looked back at her for the last time, Jaim waved at me slightly.
Click, I closed the door and came out of the room. I guess I’ll be sleeping on the floor for the first time in a long while.
I stretched my body which had become exhausted after moving around a lot today. Saeyeon, who was sitting on the sofa, giggled at the noise I made that was similar to a moan.
“What’s the occasion? You never let anyone sleep in your room, Jjaro.”
“Well, even I’m tired, so the kid must be more tired, right? I figured I’d indulge her for just today.”
“You feel a bit like a dad today, Jjaro.”
“Be quiet. Rather, aren’t you going to sleep, Saeyeon? It’s past your bedtime.”
It may have been early evening for me right now, but it was the dead of the night for Saeyeon.
“I’m going to sleep now.”
“All right. I’ll go and wake you up in the morning, so.”
Right when I was about to enter the empty room while saying that,
Saeyeon’s hand grabbed onto my own.
“······Saeyeon?”
Saeyeon looked straight at me and spoke.
“Jjaro, can we sleep together tonight?”
“······What?”
“Jjaro, it’s been a month since then and you haven’t slept with me even once during that time. Even though you’d always sleep by yourself or with Jaim, you haven’t slept with us as a family or even with just me······.”
Saeyeon pressed her body closer to mine as if she were trying to urge me.
“Hm? We used to sleep together in the past, didn’t we? We’ll simply be sleeping together as a family. We’re also husband and wife, so doing something like sleeping together is fine, isn’t it? I, I won’t do anything weird like last time. It’s fine if we sleep together while only holding hands, no, it’s fine if we just sleep together. Okay?”
Saeyeon’s eyes as she said that were hazily trembling in the light, and because she looked somewhat anxious,
because she looked somewhat desperate,
I let go of her hand.
“I told you before, didn’t I? I told you that it was just for that day only. Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”
“No, but······.”
“You’ve been able to sleep by yourself until now with no problems, haven’t you? Are you still upset about earlier? Okay. Next time, we’ll go out and buy some clothes together. That’s good enough, right?”
“It’s not that. Please? Let’s sleep together.”
“Ah, seriously. Are you going to keep acting like a child?”
Saeyeon’s expression slightly froze up because of those words.
“Seriously, what’s your problem today? In the morning you tried to put on makeup or whatever and ended up bothering me, and at the end of the day, you got upset and left by yourself. I didn’t want to say this before, but do you know how embarrassing that was for me? If you get upset like that, then you’ll also trouble Nanda and Upperclassman Nabom who came with us. You ruined the mood in the end as well.”
Due to my exhaustion, I ended up blurting things out inadvertently.
“But······ Jjaro, you kept paying attention to only Big Sis Nabom and Jaim, and you told me to stick close to you but you wouldn’t link arms with me······.”
Saeyeon started to become teary.
“You didn’t answer when I asked if I was prettier or if Big Sig Nabom was prettier either.”
“What a childish jealousy. If I have to compare you and Upperclassman Nabom, then obviously Upperclassman Nabom would be higher.”
I could only sigh. I knew she was childish, but what’s up with this?
I turned around and spoke in a tone that sounded as if she wasn’t worth talking to anymore.
“I didn’t want to say this, but grow up a little. You’re not a kid anymore, but you keep behaving like this. Try acting a bit more mature.”
“······Okay. Jjaro?”
“Ah, seriously. What is it now?”
Her voice called out to me once more from behind. The instant I was about to turn around in an annoyed manner, I felt something soft press against my back.
Arms wrapped around my chest. I could feel strength go into those arms as they held me tightly.
Saeyeon had, hugged me.
Because of that action, I turned my head in order to say something.
However, I couldn’t. This time our lips met.
A moist, warm, and soft sensation. Her smooth lips touched mine for a moment before backing away. I didn’t even have the time to be stifled.
“······Ehehe.”
It seems she was feeling bashful as Saeyeon shyly smiled and slightly turned her head away.
“You, what are you doing?”
Saeyeon answered my question while stammering.
“E-Earlier······. Big Sis Nabom told me. I asked her what I had to do in order to be more like a couple with Jjaro, and she said that I should tell Jjaro that I want to sleep together, and if you still refuse······. Then to do, this.”
Saeyeon’s cheeks became flushed as she said that.
“T-That’s why, Jjaro may say that, and it may, be, embarrassing, but······. If Jjaro, likes me, then she said that you’ll surely accept me······.”
This is weird. This is definitely Saeyeon, this is definitely Saeyeon’s face, she’s definitely talking with Saeyeon’s voice, and moving with Saeyeon’s body, but this feels like a completely different person.
Not like a child, but⎯⎯⎯.
She’s like a normal girl, from her age group.
“⎯⎯⎯Jaro.”
Jaro. Jin Jaro. My name.
Not the ‘Jjaro’ that sounded as if my name was pronounced with a short tongue, which Saeyeon would normally say, but Jaro.
“······Jaro, you, like me as well, right?”
On Saeyeon’s face which had said that while looking up at me, the tears that had been sparkling in her eyes since earlier had now formed more vividly.
Confusion spread across that expression. She saw my face after all.
“······I asked you, what do you think you’re doing?”
She saw my face, that looked as if it were on the verge of exploding, after all.
“J-Jaro······?”
“I’m asking you, why you’re acting however you please and doing things like this!”
I clenched my fist and shouted without holding anything back. Surprise and panic started to spread across Saeyeon’s face. Saeyeon was barely able to open her mouth while stuttering.
“W-What’s wrong, Jaro? Did, I do something wrong?”
That expression that looked as if she couldn’t understand what had happened. As if she had no idea what was going on, the edges of her half-opened mouth trembled.
“Ah! That, l-lip touching thing, she said it was okay. Big Sis Nabom told me. She said that may be possible, but it’s fine. It’s fine if two people who love each other do it. S-So it should be okay. I wasn’t trying to suffocate you to death or make you sick, Jaro, so······.”
“I’m not talking about that! I’m not upset because of that kind of stupid lie!”
My teeth pressed together. It hurt because I was putting too much strength into my jaw. But I couldn’t take my strength out. Blood had rushed to my head, so I couldn’t hold back any longer.
“Then, why are you mad, Jaro······?”
Saeyeon looked at me with tear-filled eyes.
She clearly had the same childish and foolish expression on her face, but there was a distinct feminine atmosphere hidden underneath that.
The atmosphere of a girl who had been refused by the boy she likes for a reason that she couldn’t understand and was hurt by it.
“Is it, because I kissed, you······? Because I hugged, you?”
From those eyes, large drops of tears fell one at a time.
“If that’s not it, then is it because I wanted to sleep while holding hands, and have another child, is it because of that······?”
Although she closed her eyes tightly as if she were trying to hold back her tears, they continued to flow,
“But, I, was uneasy······.”
Saeyeon wiped away her flowing tears and continued.
“Until yesterday, I really thought it was okay if Big Sis Nabom and Jaro got along. Of course, I was a bit jealous, but······. Still, it was okay. Because I’d definitely win in the end. Because I’m Jaro’s wife.”
That’s why,
“I wasn’t bothered at all even if Jaro and Jaim bonded. She’s our daughter after all. Since she’s someone who I’m going to be as close to as I am with Jaro and also look after.”
But,
“I became uneasy today. While I’m a child, it felt like you saw Big Sis Nabom as a woman. It also felt like you thought that Jaim was the child you had to look after more, so I’m nervous. Hm? Jaro.”
Before I knew it, Saeyeon had grabbed onto both of my trembling hands.
“Childhood friends are things that grow distant over time, aren’t they? You forget about them, right? I don’t remember any of the friends I used to play with when I was little. I thought that I was going to end up like that with you, Jaro. I didn’t want that. So I thought that it would be fine if Jaro, just, looked after me.”
Saeyeon simply stared straight at me and continued to speak.
“I know that you’re only looking after me because it’s your job, Jaro, but that’s all because you’re too shy to admit it. Because, even if your words are like that, you’ve always taken care of me. Ever since we were little, and even now. If time passes like that, if I slowly, naturally continue to stay by your side, if I gradually become mature, then I believed that I could really become a family with you, Jjaro.”
Saeyeon smiled.
“At that time, my heart pounded.”
Contrary to her eyes which were trembling with anxiety, her voice was clear.
“When I pressed my lips against Jaro’s, my heart pounded a lot. It felt good. I did feel stifled like Jaro said, but I became stifled because I liked it so much.”
Her cheeks turned red as if she were recalling that moment,
“For that reason, because I was so happy about what happened, because I knew that you gave an evasive lie since you were embarrassed, Jaro, I wanted to brag about it. And even more than that, I wanted to make both of our hearts pound as I continued to be with you, Jaro.”
So, I sincerely tried bumping into you,
Cooked for you,
Showed you my body while taking a bath together,
And tried putting on makeup.
“I’m, not a child.”
Saeyeon raised her hand on top of her chest.
“My chest may not be as large as Big Sis Nabom’s, but they grew this much, I grew this tall, I’m struck with magic every month, and I was also able to have a child.”
Even though she doesn’t know what that means.
She lowered her hand to her stomach and continued.
“So whenever I think about you, Jaro, my baby room occasionally throbs and becomes ticklish. I was happy when you asked me if we could sleep while holding hands, Jaro. I believed that you also liked me just as I had expected and that you wanted to have a child with me and become a family. I was so happy about that.”
Even though she was making an absurd, childish misunderstanding, only that expression, was the expression of a girl.
“So, tell me.”
Saeyeon smiled as a tear flowed down.
That smile, different to the idiotic smile that I’ve always seen until now,
because it felt like it would shatter into a thousand pieces if I tapped on it,
because it was like a dam that was about to burst due to all of the things that had piled up until now,
“Jaro, does your heart not pound when you look at me?”
“I told you⎯⎯⎯.”
The moment I was about to reply, I heard a door open with a creak. Saeyeon and my eyes were automatically drawn towards the source of that sound.
“······Mom, Dad······?”
Jaim, with her eyes wide open, was standing there while holding the door half-open.
“What, are you doing right now? Are you two, fighting?”
“Jaim, go back inside!”
I unintentionally shouted at her. Although Jaim looked as if she didn’t know what to do, she was soon able to speak as if she had made her resolve.
“······No, I won’t go back inside. I heard everything.”
Damn it, why are things turning out like this?
I’ve been doing well until now.
I’ve been protecting this relationship well until now.
Saeyeon wiped away her flowing tears once more before gazing straight at me.
“Jaro, tell me. Am I not that charming? Do I seem like a child no matter what I do? Can you not look at me even a slight bit differently?”
“Wait, Mom. That’s······.”
“Jaim, I told you to go inside, didn’t I?!”
“Look at me and tell me!”
I looked at Jaim and shouted at her while Saeyeon looked at me and shouted as well. Jaim, who was hesitating because of those shouts, yelled as well.
“S-Stop it! Don’t fight! I’ll make Dad normal, so······.”
‘Ah’, Jaim gasped out loud before covering her mouth. However, there’s no way that I would mishear those words when they had already been spoken.
“Make, normal······?”
“N-No, that’s not what I meant······.”
“I see, so that’s what it was. I felt like something was weird.”
Before I knew it, the amount of time Jaim spent with me had increased compared to the time she spent with Saeyeon. I didn’t know what that meant at that time, but,
“You, you thought I was the biggest problem, so you were trying to change that, weren’t you? You acted cute on purpose.”
But now I understood.
In the end, this kid had completely used me.
In order to make me believe that, ‘This isn’t so bad’, by making me bond with her, my daughter, and by doing so, improving the relationship between me and Saeyeon. She had merely changed her strategy to that.
Since the innocent Saeyeon didn’t know what ‘uniting’ meant.
In order to make me, since I knew the meaning, believe that something like a family wasn’t a bad idea.
“······Yeah.”
Jaim nodded her head as if she had no other choice now.
“B-But Dad, that’s not why I did that. It’s just, I wanted Mom and Dad to become a family, so I thought that I should try to at least change things a tiny bit······.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
People have continued to deceive me, just like that day.
While hoping arbitrarily, sympathizing arbitrarily, and cherishing an arbitrary hope.
Yes. To be honest, I actually had hope. I was hoping that things would be different this time compared to that day.
Since she had received the same scar as I did, I thought that this kid would be able to understand me as well. That’s why I wanted to continue this relationship a bit, a slight bit longer.
Even though I felt the malice, which I had maintained on my own until now, fade away, I became intoxicated by this warm atmosphere and even hoped that these days would continue.
But I was just being fooled.
This kid didn’t understand. She simply pretended to understand. In order to change me, in order to achieve her goal, and while only thinking about her own circumstances. Just like those two people.
Arbitrarily, completely arbitrarily, I’ll do this, you do that. They had played around with me however they wanted as if it were an obvious thing to do. This person and that person too.
“Jaro, tell me.”
Saeyeon looked at me and spoke in a doleful voice.
“Did I do something wrong? Did I do something bad to you, Jaro? Then I’ll fix it. I won’t say that I want to cook anymore. I won’t do makeup. I’ll be mature. I won’t act like a child. I’ll do everything you want, Jaro. So, tell me, please, tell me that you like me.”
While shedding tears, and while forcing her trembling lips to smile.
“I, like you. I like you, Jaro. So, Jaro······ you like me as well, right?”
The word ‘like’ which I have heard a countless number of times now.
However, the weight of it was different this time.
The ‘like’ that was used until now was the like of a child.
And right now······ it was the like, of a girl.
That’s why I couldn’t feign ignorance this time.
I took in a breath,
and spoke the words that had been contained within my mind until now.
“I, hate people like you.”
“······What······?”
In that instant, Saeyeon made an expression that I had never seen before.
That expression, was the same expression that I would always make on the inside whenever I looked at Saeyeon.
Yes,
I don’t like Saeyeon.
There’s no way that I could like her.
I hate families. Families are relationships that are tossed aside whenever they aren’t needed. Things like the love of a family are delusions and everything else is a lie. To this very day, I’ve lived believing in that and that was what gave me confidence.
However, there was a person who was constantly next to me that contradicted my belief point-blank.
The girl who always received the love of her family.
If there was a person who was within a darkness that was so dark that you couldn’t distinguish where the ceiling and floor were, beside a person who received all of the attention and applause while standing in the spotlight, then you’ll know this feeling.
I have always been alone. I had to overcome everything with my own strength. There was no one who would help me and there was no one who I could trust.
I would have preferred if that was just it. There aren’t only one or two people who live like that in the world after all. There are plenty of other people who live a hard life like I do. I could have found solace by thinking like that.
But Saeyeon?
She had a ‘family’ who she could trust and would constantly be next to her in order to help and look after her at all times. Even if they did separate, in order for her to not feel that emptiness, they even asked me for help.
⎯⎯⎯Since this old lady can no longer look after Saeyeon, I’ll leave her in your care, Jjaro.
Despite being on death’s door, a ‘family’ who would make a lifelong request to a completely unrelated kid who merely lived next door.
“Every time you approached the me who was like that, do you know how miserable I felt about myself?!”
Why me.
Even though I dealt with everything by myself.
This child even asked me, an unrelated person, to be a part of her family as well.
“Even though you’re just a kid who doesn’t know how to do anything. Even though you go around saying happy words like, ‘I like you’, ‘husband’, and ‘wife’! Even though you attach yourself to me and hand me all of your problems since you can’t do anything on your own!”
That’s why I looked after Saeyeon. As my job. Since my livelihood would also be assured if I looked after her. Simply a business relationship. Simply a dry relationship. I wouldn’t have to feel inferior if it was like this.
Since it was another family. Since it was a separate world, that was irrelevant to me.
“I don’t need something like sympathy! I don’t need some ridiculous empathy like ‘Since I have a family and you don’t, I’ll be your family’!”
⎯⎯⎯Since it’s Jaro, who’s like our son, we’ll help you if you look after Saeyeon.
Her new family member had even given me this request as well and so it made me think as I received their sympathy.
There’s most likely no one who cares about whether the household they’re working at as a nanny is harmonious or an utter mess. Additionally, nothing matters as long as I’m able to secure my own footing. It’ll be forgotten and disappear. That’s all I had to do.
So in order to achieve that, Saeyeon mustn’t learn about being a girl.
She had to remain as a child who I simply looked after, a child who didn’t know what the meaning of liking someone meant, and a child who simple-mindedly liked the older brother next door who took care of her and had no feelings beyond that.
I raised her like that. I taught her however I wanted so she wouldn’t listen to others and taught her that I wouldn’t lie to her.
A kiss is nothing. It’s simply a dirty act involving the contact of lips.
Bathing together is nothing. It’s merely a task where I have to wash the kid who I’m taking care of.
Cooking, doing the laundry, and holding hands, all of these things were to that degree.
Sleeping while holding hands, that was simply on the level of a kid being bothersome since they had to sleep by themself.
So, from all those things, what this girl wants now⎯⎯⎯
Without holding anything back, I yelled while looking straight at Saeyeon.
“I’ll say it straight. Since the very beginning, I have never seen you as a woman, and to this day I have never wanted something like a daughter. I don’t need something like a family in the first place! So get out of my sight!”
Along with the sensation of my heart beating painfully, I also felt unburdened.
Yeah, I said it. I said the words that I’ve been wanting to say.
Saeyeon, with a face of disbelief,
“······Jjaro, you dummy! How could you······!”
shouted that.
“Then, uu, if that’s the case, hhk, why, why were you······!”
While her large eyes were filled with anger and shedding tears,
“⎯⎯⎯Why were you nice to me?!”
she grabbed things like books and other objects that were in the living room and threw them at me as she shouted,
“⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯Uu!”
and after swallowing down her tears, she left.
After the sound of the front door closing resonated, silence followed.
“Dad, chase after Mom right now! Hurry!”
“Be quiet! This is all your fault!”
Towards that voice that had broken the silence, I yelled as loudly as I could.
“What are you going to do about this?! Everything ended up like this because of you! I won’t be able to do my job of taking care of Saeyeon from now on!”
“Now’s not the time to be worrying about that! Hurry up and go after Mom! Tell her that you’re sorry! Get on your knees and apologize!”
Jaim was crying as she yelled. Much too desperately, as if her body was moving faster than her words, she cried out while kicking at me and hitting me with her fists.
“Quickly! Hurry up and chase after her! It can’t end like this!”
“Everything ended up like this because you came here, kid!”
In that instant, Jaim’s expression was like a still-life that was forcefully trying to insist that it was a portrait.
“Dad, what did you say······?”
“None of this would have happened if you didn’t come here, right?! Saeyeon and I could have continued to spend our time peacefully together while hiding our feelings from each other, but it’s all your fault!”
That’s right, it was all this kid’s fault. All because of this brat.
“You didn’t care about what happened to Saeyeon anyway, right? Protecting the peace of the family or whatever was all just an excuse! In the end, you merely did whatever you liked!”
“No! I was properly trying to make Mom and Dad like each······!”
“You say that, but you wound up getting drunk on the fact that I was being nice to you!”
In response to my shout, Jaim, who was barely able to utter her words, froze.
Yeah. It’s simple if you think about it a little.
Ultimately, when she said she’d make Saeyeon into a woman, turn me into a proper person, and protect the peace of our family, it was all a lie.
⎯⎯⎯That's why, you 'reacting' to me properly is enough to make me happy, Dad.
This kid had merely become drunk on the fact that her father, who treated her coldly in the future, was treating her well right now.
She didn’t care about her mom who she couldn’t even remember.
Her mom who was different to her expectations and was like a child. Her mom who couldn’t do anything. Her mom who didn’t know what kissing was and believed that babies were born if you go to sleep while holding hands. She didn’t need a mom like that.
Instead, she had simply chosen the dad who didn’t treat her coldly, properly had conversations with her, messed around with her, bathed together, and worked on a project together.
Because it was beneficial to herself. Because it was what she wanted.
If it were for that sake, then Saeyeon and my feelings didn’t matter.
“······No, I, didn’t come here to do that······.”
“Regardless of what you planned, that’s how it ended up!”
With her mouth half-open, Jaim looked at me with unfocused eyes.
Before I knew it, the foot that was kicking me and the fists that were hitting me had come to a stop, and her hand was now simply grabbing onto my pants.
“Dad, then, did you, not need······ me······?”
I then shook off her hand that was holding onto my pants and spoke. I was tired of this now.
“I have never wanted something like you even once in my life.”
I left behind Jaim, who had frozen in place, before entering my room and shutting the door behind me. Just in case, I locked my door completely. Where that kid sleeps and how she does it wasn’t relevant to me.
On the floor, there was a stupid toy robot vacuum cleaner with only a mannequin head attached to it moving around. What are you laughing at?
I felt needlessly annoyed and kicked it once. It made a clunk sound and moved. My foot hurt more.
“······Hey, kid.”
Yeah, there was no need for me to have said that much
Once the heat had left my head, my reason had slowly started to return.
“Do my words not sound like words to you, kid?”
Throwing this kid out the door wasn’t the right way to get rid of her. I have to coax her properly and ask Upperclassman Nabom. As I thought, regardless of her observation or whatever, she needs to take her away as soon as possible.
“Ah seriously, I get it. I was wrong. My words were a bit harsh.”
If you think about it, Saeyeon and I had a relationship that was going to end up like this since the beginning. As Saeyeon had said earlier, even if we idly stayed together and got married or whatever, the end would have still wound up like this.
“Are you listening to me, kid? Why are you in the corner?”
In that regard, this kid had taken the wrong step, but the world has always been a place like that. Living by yourself isn’t that bad. Do your best to live by yourself using your own strength when you go back to the future.
“I’m not mad. No, I’m not angry anymore, so come on out.”
However, no matter how much I called out to her, the kid refused to come out from the corner next to the sofa. Does she want to play hide-and-seek in the middle of the night or something?
“······I’m, sorry······.”
······Wait. Something was off.
“Hey, kid?”
“······Hiik!”
Once I peered my head over the sofa, the kid looked terrified and backed away. She’s already against the wall anyway. No, more than that······.
“······You, what’s wrong?”
Eyes filled with fear. Her cheeks were trembling as if she could break out in tears at any moment.
“What’s with the blood on your hand. Where are you hurt······?”
“Uu!”
I grabbed onto her arm when she tried to bring her bleeding fingers to her mouth. Although the kid was now trembling like a quaking aspen due to my action, it seems the very thought of even running away didn’t pop up in her mind.
“······What is this.”
Blood was oozing from her nail. She must have bit it off since the edge was rough. Nearly half of her nail was gone. No, what could have happened for this······.
“Open your mouth. Open it.”
“Uu, uuu, uuu······.”
Her mouth was filled with the nail she had bitten off. I felt like I was going to vomit the moment I saw the blood smeared on it.
Why, why is this kid doing this?
“I-I’m sorry······. I-It’s my fault, so······.”
In that instant, I recalled the words that Upperclassman Nabom had once told me.
⎯⎯⎯’Information contamination’ is a severe problem.
I had underestimated those words.
20xx March X | Please circle today’s weather. (No circles)
It’s over. Everything is over.
I didn’t know this would happen, I didn’t know it would end like this.
No, for some reason I had expected this. Ever since that day, I did think that this might happen in the end. But I didn’t think it would actually happen.
Since we lived peacefully until now, I thought that that would continue on forever. I thought that my spent together with Jaro and Jaim would last without end.
I was too young. I was much too young.
I shouldn’t have said that.
I can’t even put strength into my hand. I can’t believe that this is the end.
It would be nice if this were a lie. It’d be nice if this were all a dream and I’d wake up on that day again, then I could have dealt with the situation a bit more skillfully. But that’s probably a delusion as well. Even that has broken completely.
Although Jaro’s specialty is fixing broken things, he can’t fix this. You can’t fix broken things.
In the end, everything had been decided since the beginning.
TL note: Thanks for reading this chapter. This chapter was also rather frustrating to translate so rereading this chapter while translating was just a bag full of frustration. Jaro has finally snapped, and in a way, it’s understandable. He never wanted this in the first place, but it kept being forced on him. Don’t get too mad at him since this was honestly bad timing on Saeyeon’s part and just a series of annoying events for Jaro throughout the entire day, so it finally broke him. In any case, the next chapter should fix things up, so please bear with this for now. There’s a reason why I said people should just wait for the next chapter to come out before reading this one.
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