This was the first time Christian told her his true feelings. Silje didn’t know what to say at first. She thought for a second before asking him slowly, “If you get to come with me to the hospital now, do you think it will make you feel better? Would it be enough to make you feel like you no longer owe me anything?”
“Probably.”
Christian nodded and continued, “This will be the last time. I will take you to the hospital. You look like you are in shock so I don’t think you will be able to get there on your own anyway in your current state.”
He was right. Silje was pretending to be calm, but her legs were shaking. She looked up at him and replied quietly, “Alright. Then could you drive me to the hospital, Christian? I need to see him.”
“Of course.”
She had to see him.
On the phone, Silje was told that Kail was in a terrible accident and he was dying.
The man she hated the most in this world.
Everything she felt for him became one giant storm inside of her.
She needed to see him.
In Christian’s car on the way to the hospital, Silje thought to herself.
She felt like she was in a boat in the middle of a storm. She had no tears left to cry. There seemed to be nothing more to feel.
She was going to go see him.
She was told he was dying and she was going to make sure it was true.
She hoped…
She desperately hoped that he was alive for one reason.
Because she loved him still.
When she arrived at the hospital, the sounds of the sirens and people rushing in shocked her. She stood still in the middle of the hallway, unable to move. Silje thought she could be calm and strong, but she was wrong.
She couldn’t feel calm in the hospital. The smell of the disinfectant reminded her of the past and the white hospital walls overwhelmed her.
Somehow, she was ushered into a VIP room where things were not going well.
“Is this the patient who got into a car accident?!”
“Code Red! Code Red! His blood pressure is dropping. 30 over 15….”
Silje was told that they had to perform a CPR once already in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Kail’s blood pressure was too low and still dropping, and they were having difficulty stabilizing him. He was going into another seizure.
It was a frightening scene. Several doctors were all over him trying to revive Kail, who was hooked to various devices. There was blood everywhere and Kail’s body was visibly stiffening.
“…”
Silje watched in shock as her eyes widened. Looking at him in such a state, her heart felt like it was being ripped right out of her. Kail reminded her of the elk dying on the street after being hit by a car.
“…Get up.”
Silje murmured. Her voice sounded strange to her and she didn’t even realize what she was saying. Her whole body trembled as she continued to murmur, “Get up. What do you think you’re doing?”
She couldn’t believe what was happening in front of her. Kail looked like a bleeding elk. She could almost hear the animal crying out in pain.
Silje turned away and whispered, “This isn’t like you.”
Her eyes watered as she turned toward him again. She glared at him.
Silje wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to beg him to live. It wasn’t like her to be weak.
Her lips trembled, so she bit them hard and turned around again.
She didn’t believe in miracles.
Christian, who had been watching her quietly, held her hands.
“Don’t look away, Silje. Don’t run away.”
“Then what should I do?”
“Just… stay with him. I think that is what he would’ve wanted. Just stay by his side. Don’t run away from this.”
At first, Silje felt confused, but Christian’s answer made sense to her. It was the right thing to do.
“Thank you, Christian. You have helped a lot.”
“I’m glad.”
Christian smiled faintly. His hands felt warm, and they made Silje feel better. She didn’t feel cold anymore in this city, because she found her own fairy godmother.
Christian was a man who could see a person’s inner beauty. For her, he was like the Statue of Liberty, a symbol of hope in the darkness.
He helped her in so many different ways. Even till the end.
Silje smiled and replied, “I won’t run away. No matter what happens, I will face it head on, just like I have always done.”
“Good. I’m sure your friend would want that from you. That’s what I think.”
Christian gave her a beautiful smile and patted her head before leaving. He often treated her like a child. Before he left, he said to her teasingly in Danish, “Goodbye little girl.”
By herself again, Silje turned back to the man on the hospital bed and glared at him. He was hooked to a ventilator and wrapped in bandages.
She looked at him like she was about to go into a battle.
“Silje Kim?”
Suddenly, a man in glasses approached her with a serious expression on his face.
Hearing the Norwegian accent, Silje slowly turned around to find a man who looked very unhappy.
“Please come with me. My name is Hans and I am his assistant.”
***
She still couldn’t believe that it was Kail on the hospital bed.
It was terrifying, like the time suddenly stopped. A sudden silence and calmness scared her.
He was in the bed, dying.
His ghastliness made Silje frown angrily. It was hard to watch him like this. It felt like her heart was being scratched over and over again. She couldn’t pretend to be fine anymore.
“…This isn’t right.”
Silje murmured quietly.
“This isn’t like you. This is all wrong.”
He didn’t answer her and after a short silence, she yelled at him.
“This isn’t like you! I hate it! You look small and weak… You look like you are going to disappear. I don’t like this at all. I wish you would just wake up. Just get up now!”
Still no answer.
“Kail, answer me. If you can hear me, wake up. I can’t stay here for too long. You know why. Hospitals… being here and smelling the disinfectant make me feel upset. It gives me a headache and it reminds me of the bad memories. I don’t know how long I will be able to stay by your side here.”
Only the ventilator machine made small mechanic noises, making Silje frown.
“I don’t understand. This is too hard. You know I hate talking about things like this, right? I don’t like loose ends or vagueness. I want things to be clear cut, yet you have made me feel confused. You have made me feel uncertain. Kail… Did you know that?”
But Kail didn’t answer.
He was dying.
This was the first time Christian told her his true feelings. Silje didn’t know what to say at first. She thought for a second before asking him slowly, “If you get to come with me to the hospital now, do you think it will make you feel better? Would it be enough to make you feel like you no longer owe me anything?”
“Probably.”
Christian nodded and continued, “This will be the last time. I will take you to the hospital. You look like you are in shock so I don’t think you will be able to get there on your own anyway in your current state.”
He was right. Silje was pretending to be calm, but her legs were shaking. She looked up at him and replied quietly, “Alright. Then could you drive me to the hospital, Christian? I need to see him.”
“Of course.”
She had to see him.
On the phone, Silje was told that Kail was in a terrible accident and he was dying.
The man she hated the most in this world.
Everything she felt for him became one giant storm inside of her.
She needed to see him.
In Christian’s car on the way to the hospital, Silje thought to herself.
She felt like she was in a boat in the middle of a storm. She had no tears left to cry. There seemed to be nothing more to feel.
She was going to go see him.
She was told he was dying and she was going to make sure it was true.
She hoped…
She desperately hoped that he was alive for one reason.
Because she loved him still.
When she arrived at the hospital, the sounds of the sirens and people rushing in shocked her. She stood still in the middle of the hallway, unable to move. Silje thought she could be calm and strong, but she was wrong.
She couldn’t feel calm in the hospital. The smell of the disinfectant reminded her of the past and the white hospital walls overwhelmed her.
Somehow, she was ushered into a VIP room where things were not going well.
“Is this the patient who got into a car accident?!”
“Code Red! Code Red! His blood pressure is dropping. 30 over 15….”
Silje was told that they had to perform a CPR once already in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Kail’s blood pressure was too low and still dropping, and they were having difficulty stabilizing him. He was going into another seizure.
It was a frightening scene. Several doctors were all over him trying to revive Kail, who was hooked to various devices. There was blood everywhere and Kail’s body was visibly stiffening.
“…”
Silje watched in shock as her eyes widened. Looking at him in such a state, her heart felt like it was being ripped right out of her. Kail reminded her of the elk dying on the street after being hit by a car.
“…Get up.”
Silje murmured. Her voice sounded strange to her and she didn’t even realize what she was saying. Her whole body trembled as she continued to murmur, “Get up. What do you think you’re doing?”
She couldn’t believe what was happening in front of her. Kail looked like a bleeding elk. She could almost hear the animal crying out in pain.
Silje turned away and whispered, “This isn’t like you.”
Her eyes watered as she turned toward him again. She glared at him.
Silje wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to beg him to live. It wasn’t like her to be weak.
Her lips trembled, so she bit them hard and turned around again.
She didn’t believe in miracles.
Christian, who had been watching her quietly, held her hands.
“Don’t look away, Silje. Don’t run away.”
“Then what should I do?”
“Just… stay with him. I think that is what he would’ve wanted. Just stay by his side. Don’t run away from this.”
At first, Silje felt confused, but Christian’s answer made sense to her. It was the right thing to do.
“Thank you, Christian. You have helped a lot.”
“I’m glad.”
Christian smiled faintly. His hands felt warm, and they made Silje feel better. She didn’t feel cold anymore in this city, because she found her own fairy godmother.
Christian was a man who could see a person’s inner beauty. For her, he was like the Statue of Liberty, a symbol of hope in the darkness.
He helped her in so many different ways. Even till the end.
Silje smiled and replied, “I won’t run away. No matter what happens, I will face it head on, just like I have always done.”
“Good. I’m sure your friend would want that from you. That’s what I think.”
Christian gave her a beautiful smile and patted her head before leaving. He often treated her like a child. Before he left, he said to her teasingly in Danish, “Goodbye little girl.”
By herself again, Silje turned back to the man on the hospital bed and glared at him. He was hooked to a ventilator and wrapped in bandages.
She looked at him like she was about to go into a battle.
“Silje Kim?”
Suddenly, a man in glasses approached her with a serious expression on his face.
Hearing the Norwegian accent, Silje slowly turned around to find a man who looked very unhappy.
“Please come with me. My name is Hans and I am his assistant.”
***
She still couldn’t believe that it was Kail on the hospital bed.
It was terrifying, like the time suddenly stopped. A sudden silence and calmness scared her.
He was in the bed, dying.
His ghastliness made Silje frown angrily. It was hard to watch him like this. It felt like her heart was being scratched over and over again. She couldn’t pretend to be fine anymore.
“…This isn’t right.”
Silje murmured quietly.
“This isn’t like you. This is all wrong.”
He didn’t answer her and after a short silence, she yelled at him.
“This isn’t like you! I hate it! You look small and weak… You look like you are going to disappear. I don’t like this at all. I wish you would just wake up. Just get up now!”
Still no answer.
“Kail, answer me. If you can hear me, wake up. I can’t stay here for too long. You know why. Hospitals… being here and smelling the disinfectant make me feel upset. It gives me a headache and it reminds me of the bad memories. I don’t know how long I will be able to stay by your side here.”
Only the ventilator machine made small mechanic noises, making Silje frown.
“I don’t understand. This is too hard. You know I hate talking about things like this, right? I don’t like loose ends or vagueness. I want things to be clear cut, yet you have made me feel confused. You have made me feel uncertain. Kail… Did you know that?”
But Kail didn’t answer.
He was dying.
